Finding Meaning In This Madness

[Tinyflame]

@shimmerz , I'm so sorry what your father & parents did & said. :( :cry:

I am a Roman Catholic & all I know is they say something like be very careful what you say or ever do to a child, their faces & their guardian angels are right in front of the face of God at all times. The atrocities committed (& death of your sister) is on their hands, it's they who have to account for it.

My only (poor) analogy is this: if you had a wonderful spouse, kind & loving & true, & *someone* told you they weren't, who should you believe? (I realize then you were a child. That was wholly traumatizing.)

You should be full of energy, I believe that's how we were meant to be created, with fiery passion.

(((((((Dear @shimmerz )))))))

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Shimmerz, I don't know if it helps but I believe there are two ways to look at God.

There is the way of looking at God as if he/she/it is some entity that is outside you. And then there is a way of looking at God as if it were an energy within you. An energy that IS love. For me, it's not like God loves me, or forgives me, or stuff like that. I believe that in a moment of enlightenment, I become God (my own higher consciousness) and in that state of Being, I love myself and I forgive myself.

In India you have a saying, I bet you know it, Namasté, meaning "I see and respect the divine within you...", which I believe supports this point. I believe this because I believe I have experienced very short flashes of it, where I only felt joy and light and love suddenly flowing through my entire being. The moments lasted less than a minute and I have only had two or three of them, but they were very real.

I believe that's the purpose of life. To become joy and love. In a strange way, sometimes experiencing genuine, intense pain leads to more understanding and more love, if that makes any sense. Sometimes struggles lead to new beginnings. Some people believe that it's your own subconscious that is attracting the pain and the difficult situations, because it wants to learn.

In the end it doesn't even matter if you call it God or call it Flying Spaghetti monster, as long as you can learn to be that love.
But that's my perspective on it and I admit it's very subjective :)

 

[shimmerz]

Flying Spaghetti monster

I like it! So I could tell my friend to say instead 'The Flying Spaghetti monster will provide?' Okay, that got me giggling. Thanks @Radise.

@Junebug , now that you mention guardian angels, I do still believe in mine. Hmmm. How can angels exist without heaven or the universe to flit about in? I am going to have to about that one. :oops:

I really appreciate all of these postings.

@Rumors and @bluebird , yes, it is true. My dad was a great guy but sometimes he did say the dumbest things and they mostly revolved around religion. Sad really. I hope he got to the heaven that he so longed for. I hope my sister is there too.

@joeylittle , I am not sure why but your model of no real meaning scares me terrible. I think it is a belief system that was sown during my intense religious indoctrination as a kid. Truly my parents were (from my perspective), freaks in that way.

@Anarchy , no chickens around here but me! :giggle:

@Hope4Now @Chava and @City Slicker , @scout86 , thank you so much for the references to the books. @City Slicker, did you mention the name of the book you referenced. I would love to know it (perhaps I missed it in the posting). Man's Search for Meaning was a good one too - but I just feel like this topic for me has no meaning, is empty for me. I will definitely read each of the ones you mentioned, thank you. @scout86 my pay grade is WAY below yours, so I haven't got a hope in making any kind of choice :speechless:.

@sun seeker , @Nam , @Radise , @scout86 , I really do hope that I can find what I am looking for in myself as you suggested. I love the concept but I fear I have been trained to externalize my beliefs. I also have difficult times knowing what 'I' want. Much easier to have someone else build the construct for me. I will have to challenge that. Anarchy, perhaps I will choose not to be a chicken anymore! That would be a first step in making choices I suppose.

Thank you all for being so helpful. This is a big one for me and was making me terribly uncomfortable. I must have had a dream or something last night because i have had this 'uneasy' feeling since I woke up this morning.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

@shimmerz, your experience of loss of faith reminds me of years ago when an acquaintance, in trying to cheer me up, said brightly, "You'll be fine. Have you ever been let down before?" To her it was a rhetorical question. To me, the answer was "Umm... yes."

For some reason, you lost your belief in God, while I lost my belief in myself. I'm not sure which is more damaging.

 

[shimmerz]

while I lost my belief in myself

This.

Great question! And if I look to what I believe for myself to be the answer to this, I am lead to believe that the path of where my higher being needs to be starts from inside of me. When strong enough in myself, it will naturally emanate outwards. :hug:'s to all. I thank you so much.