Undiagnosed Firefighter/ Emt Needing Help

[Townsend]

I have been in this job for a while now, and have seen death many times, but it wasn't until last fall when we had two really bad fatalities that things began to change. I drink, I can't sleep, I have suicidal thoughts, my girlfriend says she doesn't love me anymore after almost three years and planning to be engaged soon. I don't feel any control and need help. I want to reclaim what we had. I feel like the only thing that I can do is my job, but the more I work the worse it gets. Feeling like I should just end it all to make this go away. Where can I go from here? Does anyone know what I can do?

 

[scout86]

The people who hang out here got here through a wide variety of paths. There are going to be a lot of them who can relate to the feelings you're describing. I know that I can.

When I first contacted a therapist about PTSD, which was about a year ago, he told me something to the effect that, if it's PTSD, it can effect many different areas of your life and in many ways you won't even be aware of. He said that it won't go away by itself, it will generally get worse. (Then he said he just happened to have an opening the day after tomorrow, maybe I should stop by.) I did, and it was one of my better ideas.

Whether what you're dealing with is PTSD or not, there are some things none of us can deal with on our own. It's tempting to think otherwise, but if it's not working, it's not working. And it sounds like it's not working real well right now. There's nothing wrong with getting a little professional advice and input. If you pursue therapy (it couldn't hurt!) I'd suggest trying to find someone who has experience dealing with people who work in your field. This sort of thing isn't uncommon in your line of work. Maybe your department has some resources available. (You should probably feel that out a little because some places are more "evolved" than others. You might want to go outside work, in some situations.) Meanwhile, it might be helpful to know that PTSD is really a "normal" reaction to an "abnormal" situation. Don't give up!

And, welcome!

 

[Leanne1]

Hi. I live in Prescott , AZ and there are a lot of firefighters here who are just now seeking help for PTSD. ( plus family members of the 19 who lost their lives)

There is actually a team of therapists here who have an emergency protocol for disasters to help treat people soon after a trauma to help prevent PTSD.

A team of local therapists are offering pro bono services to people directly effected. ( including a lot of local firefighters)

In your line of work it is totally understandable what you are experiencing.

Maybe your fiancé could learn more about PTSD, and learn to understand what you are going through.

Here in Prescott, I see fire fighters walking through the grocery store to get groceries, and strangers constantly stop them to shake there hand. I hope this outpouring of support is helping them heal.

I know you will find healing. This site is a good way to get support.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you for how you have served the community. You have had to fight fires... Now you have a different fight: PTSD. There is hope and help. I know things seem dark right now, but it does get better. Do not give up hope! You have already done one of the hardest things: realizing you need help and reaching out. (It took me years to get that far!) Have you seen a trauma therapist? My therapist happens to do a lot of work with first responders who have PTSD from direct and vicarious trauma. It's sadly quite common, but people can and do get better.

 

[tillybee]

Welcome, I am a newbie to this forum - you will get support here and maybe that will help you find the best answer :)

 

[Barconian]

Your job is not easy!!! The more you fight yourself about your job, the harder it will get! Your girlfriend is reacting to your stress and You need to fix it! I guess

 

[intothelight]

Hi Townsend,

The first thing that you do is see someone, get a diagnosis and set up a plan of action. Take time to read here as you will find many of the members have been where you are at and you can see from their experiences the various things they found helpful.

Debbie

 

[Townsend]

My bad days are getting worse, and more frequent and the load is heavier than ever. My girlfriend left me, and now I feel alone. I look here and for the first time I feel like I might want to beat it. Thank you for your support and your suggestions. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found this site.

 

[scout86]

I'd bet that almost everyone here has a "I don't know where I'd be if....." story! I hope you can find someone you can work with on all this and I hope you'll hang around here. :)