Flashbacks And How They Feel To You.

[Frankie111]

Hi, I do not think I am having flashbacks but I realise flashbacks can feel different to different people. So I was just looking for people to describe their types of flashbacks, how they feel and are they always related to the particular traumatic event?

 

[Sandra]

It makes me think how scared I was at the time. And how alone I felt when I had no one to help me. Or anyone to try and protect me from what was happening.

 

[Muzikluvr]

When I'm having a flashback I'm completely wrapped up in it. I see it in my mind, my body responds to the intense emotions; so.. elevated heart rate, erratic breathing, my fists may clench... I've thrown punches and I've bit down like I'm biting someone, I've screamed, ranted out loud to those who are in my flashback.

 

[Frankie111]

I really don't think I have had any flashbacks then. When I think about the event I witnessed thirty years ago, it doesn't make me feel anything, not frightened, no pounding heart beat, no anxious feelings, just nothing. The psychiatrist I saw doesn't think I have PTSD as I do not get any flashbacks, just feel emotionally numb. I can't see any other illness that causes emotional numbness though, other than PTSD. Other than insomnia and emotional numbness I don't appear to have any other PTSD symptoms. The emotional numbness is destroying me though, it started four months ago and is not improving at all. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way.

 

[Muzikluvr]

What do you mean by emotional numbness?

 

[Frankie111]

I will start from the beginning for you and maybe that will help.... Thirty years ago I witnessed a family member attacking another family member, I was only a young child then though. This is not something I have ever thought about over the years, or if I ever did think about it, it didn't concern me. Then in Augustthis year, literally over night, I lost all my ability to feel any emotions. What I mean by this is I can't feel love towards any member of my family, when my young children cry, whereas in the past I would feel their hurt, I don't feel anything anymore, I feel like as if something terrible could happen to someone and it just wouldn't effect me at all. Like you say, I just can't feel empathy either. I have seen several doctors and even paid to see a psychiatrist, but they all keep diagnosing depression and anxiety, and won't agree that it's PTSD, only I feel 99% sure it is PTSD as I can't find any other illness which would literally switch my emotions off over night.

 

[milbert]

Doesn't depression also cause emotional numbness? I've read through the diagnostic criterion for depression, and done searches of depression and numbness. It seems emotional numbness/anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) is one of the main symptoms of depression. If you haven't previously been bothered by thinking about an event that happened 30 years ago, why would it cause PTSD all of a sudden?

 

[Frankie111]

Hi milbert, thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it, it has given me a bit of hope today. I am just not completely sure that depression can literally come on over night like this did with me. I keep tying really hard to feel the emotions that I miss so much. As you say though, I have never been bothered by that incident, so fingers crossed it is just depression and will pass in time. What are your symptoms of PTSD?

 

[Muzikluvr]

I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with this thread. I believe you are sincere but given all the hype about PTSD and people seeking the diagnosis, it makes me uncomfortable answering your symptom descriptions.

 

[Frankie111]

Muzikluvr I am so sorry if you feel offended by my questions, I am as you say a very sincere person and would never want to offend anyone at all. I am just very, very scared at the moment as I have not got a clue what is wrong with me at the moment and as I say I have been like this since August. I certainly am not wishing it to be PTSD but I don't think depression would come on over night and therefore can't think that all that is the matter with me is depression. I feel totally numb to every emotion possible, except sadness for the life I had and now feel I have lost. Mi can't even feel love for my two young children, who have been my entire life since the day they were born, yet I look at them now and just can't feel anything, I hate it. Sorry again for offending you.

 

[matteam89]

Hi, I do not think I am having flashbacks but I realise flashbacks can feel different to different people. So I was just looking for people to describe their types of flashbacks, how they feel and are they always related to the particular traumatic event?

I had thought prior to my first experience with flashbacks, that they would only happen when I was sleeping. Not so. I still remember my first one. I was standing on my basketball court in my back yard. My young daughters were playing basket ball. My youngest, probably 4 at the time got hit in the face very hard with the ball. I saw it happened and saw the look of shock on her face. I ran over to her and picked her up. She wasn't crying yet, she looked at me and said"help me daddy, I'm hurt." At that exact moment I found myself standing in a smoke filled village holding a young vietnamese child who was near death. It was so real that I was speachless and unable to move.

 

[cherryblossom]

I am just very, very scared at the moment as I have not got a clue what is wrong with me at the moment and as I say I have been like this since August.

You say you haven't got a clue what is wrong with you, but then you also say

I have seen several doctors and even paid to see a psychiatrist, but they all keep diagnosing depression and anxiety, and won't agree that it's PTSD, only I feel 99% sure it is PTSD as I can't find any other illness which would literally switch my emotions off over night.

Why don't you accept the diagnosis you have been given?

You can't have PTSD if you haven't suffered a traumatic event (see my post in your other thread 'PTSD Or Not').

You have said yourself, that you do not suffer flashbacks, which has been verified by your psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist I saw doesn't think I have PTSD as I do not get any flashbacks,

It seems a little odd to me, that you would ask members here, who have suffered severe trauma to describe their flashbacks to you, since you don't actually have a diagnosis of PTSD or suffer from flashbacks yourself.

I sincerely recommend that you trust all your doctors and the diagnosis you have been given several times over, and seek appropriate treatment for your depression, rather than trying to come up with (wrong) self-diagnosis.

Doctors, psychiatrists and and other health professionals study their speciality for years - it's much more complex than just sticking 'emotional numbness' into Google and coming up with a self-diagnosis from your internet search.