Flashbacks are kicking the sh** out of me today.

[Itsnotyouitsme]

Today is a major trigger date for me.

On this day last year was the ending of a very traumatic period of my life and a beginning of a completely different life, a lifelong journey with PTSD.

Although I knew this day would come and thinking I am better prepared I am finding that the flashbacks are kicking the absolute sh** out of me today.

I woke up in floods of tears, my mind keeps wandering to the events of last year, I am sad, broken, shattered even. I feel anxious and unsettled, I want to scream and shout, my stomach is in knots and I’m finding myself wishing that none of this ever happened to me.

Sometimes I admire our human mind and the patterns it acquires to protect us from harm and then other times I wonder why the hell my subconscious would literally do anything to remind me of it all and take me back to that dark place.

It is tough..

 

[pam4him]

So sorry for the struggle. Deep breath. It's okay, it's not where your mind lives, it's only visiting. But it is also a clue that something needs to be processed. You are right about the mind, it protects us until it is safe. It's not out to get you, it's trying to sort out the traumatic memories and help you move on. Do you journal? If not, that could help sort out the emotions and is a way to release some of the anxiety. It's not so much about what happened, try to journal how it made you feel. Are you in therapy? If not, that may help with the processing as well. This link can help you find a local counselor if you need one. Prayers for peace and wisdom.

 

[Wendell_R]

You can try C.A.R.E.S.S.:

Communicate Alternatively. Try getting your feelings out without words. Punch pillows. Play with clay and follow your emotions. Abstract watercolors. Drawings with your non-dominant hand.

Release Endorphins. If your body permits, exercise.

Self Sooth. Cuddle up to a stuffed animal, or a real one. Take a bubble bath. Have a cup of tea.

It's not a cure, but it can get you through tough times. Hope you feel better.

 

[Itsnotyouitsme]

You can try C.A.R.E.S.S.:

Communicate Alternatively. Try getting your feelings out without words. Punch pillows. Play with clay and follow your emotions. Abstract watercolors. Drawings with your non-dominant hand.

Release Endorphins. If your body permits, exercise.

Self Sooth. Cuddle up to a stuffed animal, or a real one. Take a bubble bath. Have a cup of tea.

It's not a cure, but it can get you through tough times. Hope you feel better.

Thanks Wendell,
I love these little comforts, over time whilst dealing with the aftermath of trauma I have become so acquainted with them. When nothing seemed good in this world, a good cup of coffee or a good book to read always seemed to be a good distraction.

I got through the day. I survived and am extremely proud of myself for that. And although through therapy and extensive hard personal work this journey has somewhat become easier, does it ever actually just get better?!

I am at a stage of my journey in which I can recognise my feelings, I can recognise my triggers and even be aware of situations and things that may potentially trigger me whilst at the same time I’m finding myself triggered by things I wouldn’t have expected, I’m still having to distract myself with good coffee or a hot bath to get through some lower points, I’m sitting with my feelings, journaling, practicing healthy boundaries, you name it. And it is exhausting!

Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful that I am in a somewhat better headspace because I genuinely didn’t think I’d ever get here. But it is so disheartening to think that this is my life for good now. For the rest of my days I’m going to have to rely on the coping mechanism I have acquired to get me through...


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[Wendell_R]

I am at a stage of my journey in which I can recognise my feelings, I can recognise my triggers and even be aware of situations and things that may potentially trigger me whilst at the same time I’m finding myself triggered by things I wouldn’t have expected, I’m still having to distract myself with good coffee or a hot bath to get through some lower points, I’m sitting with my feelings, journaling, practicing healthy boundaries, you name it.

This is all great progress, and it sounds like you are on a good path!

And it is exhausting!

Yes. With time, the process can become less exhausting, and actually mayb a little exhilarating because you will explore yourself so deeply.

But it is so disheartening to think that this is my life for good now.

I think that you are underestimating how much more progress you can make! I believe I will need to use these skills to some extent the rest of my life, but I find that I need to use them less often. Last week I had a major, major intrusion but I wasn't disabled. With time, life is richer, I am less guarded, and I find there is less hurt trapped inside me. I still have PTSD, but it's not so much a burden.