MVA For Those Of You Who Were In Car Accidents

[Karen12]

How are you with someone else doing the driving? I have a hard time with that but sometimes I'm feeling bad enough that being a passenger is preferable to being the driver. I also don't have a car so I borrow a car sometimes and end up being driven other times. I would definitely prefer to be in my own car with no one else in it!

I have a friend who rarely uses turn signals (using your turn signal is the law here) or he comes to a complete stop at a green arrow for a right turn (I'm always terrified someone is going to rear-end us when he does that because no one expects you to stop at a green light) or he changes lanes in the middle of an intersection - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek... not only is that against the law but I was hit by someone doing that just a few months ago so it really freaks me out. He also gets little anger flareups at other drivers but those are less frequent.

I have to talk almost constantly to distract myself from his driving, which probably doesn't make things much better. I've tried just looking down so I can't see what's going on outside the car but that makes me even more nervous. Often I just look out my side window so I can still see the road but I don't see what he is or isn't doing. He doesn't take criticism well so bringing it up hasn't gone well, he just gets angry and defensive.

How do you deal with being a passenger? How do you manage your emotions and reactions in the car? Do you ever ask the driver to change how they're driving?

 

[shell]

I am a terrible passenger, I have been in several accidents as a child, none of them bad, but my main abuser tried to kill my family by running us into a truck, but my father managed to save us at the last minute by swerving us out of the way, and then lost control. Even though I was never physically hurt by the espisodes mentally I was very impacted. Mostly I drive, but my husband while a safe driver, really scares me because he drives less cautiously than I do.

I found closing my eyes, or looking down or away from the things that panic me helps most, I look at the sights rather than the traffic which is really hard, but better than the terror I feel than turning in front of a car as we turn right or come to a stop at the lights.

My husband becomes really angry when I react with fear, and he doesn't get that I am not crictizing his driving, but am scared of someone hitting us, or at not being in control.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

So you want to know how to not be freaked out by a driver who is reckless and breaks the law? Uhm, I'm all for pushing through our fears, but in this case, the fear exists for a reason!

 

[Fadeaway]

My husband tailgates. He doesn't think he does,and says where he is from, he leaves a large gap in between cars. I freak out real bad when he gets that close and it sets my anxiety through the roof.

My husband also gets defensive and angry thinking I am criticizing his driving.

 

[Rebel Girl]

No matter who is driving, I start to have a panic attack after about 25-40 minutes but worse driving can speed that up a lot. I feel safer driving but can't much due to my physical issues (not related to the accident).

 

[Friday]

If I'm to the point of asking someone to change how they drive... I don't ride with them. People are as likely to change how they drive as they are how they pee.

 

[TonyG]

My PTSD is the result of being a first responder to a multiple fatality accident and I have never been a good passenger, I insist that I drive every where we go, I am your classic back seat driver

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I cannot stand being a passenger in a car. I was a passenger in the car the night of my accident. I am especially triggered when my husband drives, but that's only because he was the driver that night. The accident was not his fault and he is not a bad driver, it's just triggering.

A few things I do to cope are listen to music I like, hold a rock to rub, eat a peppermint, or keep a conversation going so I can focus on that instead of the trip.

If I don't do those things, I will often find that I have scratched my skin to the point that it is bleeding or I will make sudden movements that scare my husband and then I get worried that I will cause an accident because I scare him. He's gotten used to my gasps and grabbing of the door a little bit more now though.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Is it possible to not drive at all with the guy by making a boundry that you will not drive with him driving ever again?

I have been in a lot of car accidents mostly by other drivers but I can be a passenger with a good driver.

My father in law was a maniac on the road and I told my husband I did not want to drive with him if he was doing the driving. I wish you the very best.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Is it possible to not drive at all with the guy by making a boundry that you will not drive with him driving ever again?

That is a good point. If someone is really driving unsafe, I would not want to be a passenger in their car period. In fact one of my roommates in college was a horrible driver and after awhile, I just made sure she was never the driver when we went places (and that was before my car accident).

 

[ihateusernames]

Wow, driving, another thing I had given no thought to. I've been in 2 major accidents, both with my mom. The first time she was drunk, the second time the other driver was. No fatalities, they weren't that bad. Just totaled vehicles and a couple of hospital trips. Bruising and pain for me the first time, broken fingers (my mom) and a broken leg in the other car the second. So I haven't thought much about them or how they might have an affect on me. It's been 20 years since the last one, and I can't stand to ride. I am incredibly tense and constantly looking around me, clutching the door as a passenger. I even phantom brake. I used to scream at my husband, before he was my husband, to slow down, etc. So I drive everywhere even when I'm sick or dead tired. I have tried to be the rider more often, actually our marriage counselor told me to let him drive and relinquish some control, but it wasn't worth the stress to me. I never talked about the accidents. I didn't think they were relevant. Duh, of course they were relevant.

My husband is actually not a terrible driver, but some people, it's wise not to ride with them. My friend was the worst driver in college, hopefully she's gotten better. She would reach down into the floorboard to pick something up while driving. Constantly be gabbing and not watching the road. She would never decelerate, just slam on brakes at the last minute. She came to a complete stop at the end of on ramps to enter the highway instead of merging. Terrible. I couldn't handle riding with her and I think rightly so. It was dangerous (and she wrecked a few cars in that time period) she was only going to get mad at me when I corrected her. It might be wise to search for another means of transportation. If your friend is really bad. It's true he's not going to get better because you tell him to.

 

[Deleted member 29522]

I've been in 7 car accidents, including two where I hit a tree head-on at about 45 mph. I also have been among first responders for dozens of serious and fatal crashes, so I know better than many people what the consequences are and how easily they can happen. So it's literally an act of faith, a Zen mind trick if you will, for me to not be the driver in any vehicle or conveyance, be it a plane or submarine or two-seat unicycle. It takes everything in me to not constantly correct the driver, who like most people is usually sightseeing, using the phone, the GPS, eating lunch, applying makeup, reaching into the backseat, swerving all over the lanes, cutting off other drivers, speeding, running stop signs. everything but actually driving. Maybe these self-driving cars aren't the worst thing to happen on the roads...