Forced To Face My Biggest Triggers Twice Daily (& Im A Newbie)

[Angie2S]

Hi there

I am new to this site and I'm hoping to get some good advice from people that know what its like to have this dehibilatating disorder.

I only recently started seeing a therapist as I needed trauma debriefing from the latest trauma which happened about 2 weeks ago. He has diagonosed me as having delayed onset complex type 2 ptsd, in my case it has specifically been brought on by being a victim of crime in 3 seperate incidences. I didnt even realise I had ptsd before this latest event, but a couple of months ago I started feeling terribly anxious & sad for no particular reason, and was subsequently put onto an antidepressent by my GP (I have since discovered that depression can also be a secondary development from ptsd)

2 weeks ago I was robbed and assulted by a gang while leaving work. I couldnt go back to work for the rest of the week after. My boss was not at all understanding and seemed confused that I couldnt come back to work, as we work in an area that is rife with crime and the same thing has happened to a couple of my coworkers. The following Monday I plucked up enough courage to get back into my car, drive back to this dodgy area and sit in traffic (my 3 biggest triggers) and promptly resigned.

My issue now is that I have to work a months notice period (my company will sue me if I dont as I am senior management) and I just cannot cope with the idea of having to drive to work and back for another month. Last week I managed 4 days before I had a complete meltdown from the pressure & anxiety and ended up skipping work again.

Its so bad that I couldnt even leave my apartment over the weekend out of sheer fear (despite the constant paranoia, nightmares, disturbed sleep I experience while at home anyway) yet tomorrow I have to get back in that car, deal with slow moving traffic and drive straight back into the lions den and I just CANT.

I really dont know what to do about this. I have anxiety meds but they make me feel so groggy for the day that Im worried I wont be vigilant enough to avoid another attack. Anyone else having to face their biggest triggers daily? How on earth do I cope with this?

 

[Cassey]

Ok, my advice would be if you can get your doctor to sign you off work. Your bosses comments and thoughts are unhelpful right now.

The feelings you are having are completely normal. My incident occurred at work and yes I considered resigning however in the back of my mind I had the thought that they had won if I did so i didn't in the end and battled my way through some tough times at work, which included me having complete break downs in front of big bosses.

You need to look after YOU,, so time off, try and get some excerise of some sorts and talk to someone you can trust about your feelings. It not easy but worth it good luck

 

[Justmehere]

I am so sorry for the horrible pain and crimes that you've been through! Enduring PTSD is very difficult as well.

Finding a trauma therapist is a great first step! Try to learn all you can about grounding skills and mindfulness. As has been suggested, take good care of you, as much as possible, and exercises a great way to physically reduce the amount of anxiety in the body, so is deep breathing.

Can you carpool with somebody to and from work? Taking a medical leave of absence would also be fitting.

You've already taken a lot of good steps, things will get better in time!


(Sorry, I edited this to delete a section for a personal reason.)

 

[mrsps]

Welcome o this site, you will find a lot of helpful advise on here and people that understand what you are going through :)
Im sorry to hear of the awful things that you have been through. I was also thinking along the lines of is there anyone who could drive to to and from work to support you? Also as above if you can get the doc to give you medical leave so you don't have to put yourself through hell each day to get to and from work.

Its great to hear that you have found yourself a trauma therapist so you can work through all these past events. Just remember it does take a lot of time its not an easy fix and can be emotionally exhausting but the results are work it :)

Take care

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm so sorry you have been assaulted leaving work. I was strangled by a junkie at a clinic I worked at. It was only 9:00 in the morning. The clinic was in an old Victorian mansion on a dirt road and remote. On Wednesdays I used to cover the clinic alone but after the assault I was terrified and asked my boss to let someone come work with me so I wouldn't be alone. He said it was my job to work that shift and he wouldn't put anything in place to support me. I quit on the spot. Driving and being surrounded by cars in rush hour traffic is one of my worst triggers.

I don't know the labor laws in your country, but I talked to a lawyer who said under the circumstances I was eligible for unemployment benefits. I would hope that accommodations would be made for you as the victim of a crime. Was it on their property?? What an insensitive dirt bag your boss is, as was mine. I like the idea of driving with someone. But even better would be time away.

I would recommend using your anti anxiety meds. If they're too sedating ask your doc if you can take half the dose. And as hard as it is keep driving short distances just so you don't get a more severe phobia. Deep, calming breathing will help.