JEKBreatheandBelieve
Diamond Member
I'll explain the title don't worry. I was in a car accident almost 4 years ago. I hate this time of year. Everything about fall reminds my body and then my mind about that horrible night and the months that came afterwards. Until a year ago I hadn't driven more than a mile by myself. I hate being a passenger in a car. It's caused me to not only have panic attacks but to dissociate and self-harm (small amounts) while in a car. I used to love car trips and traveling alone was something I had done a lot of.
This week, I spend four straight days either driving or being a passenger in a car for no less than 4 hours each day. I was petrified before I left that I wouldn't be able to do it and was positive that I would die before making it back. I drove 5 hours to my friend's house and stopped 2 times just to make sure I broke the trip up a little. I didn't have any panic attacks even when there was tons of traffic. Luckily, all the other cars' drivers seemed to be behaving themselves. I let my friend drive to our next destination and back on the next two days and sometimes I am not to fond of her driving, but it was fine. She drive safely and I rode safely and only on the way home was I slightly dissociated (but I think that was probably from the overall trip and event we had gone to). I drove 5 hours home yesterday (stopping 4 times this time because I was tired), but I made it. Even had enough energy afterwards to have company and meet a fabulous golden retriever.
I am proud of myself for agreeing to this trip and for getting through it with such minimal effects. I must remember this as the actual anniversary draws near. I am not still trapped in that car. And though I have a lot of work to do with other trauma, I am working on not letting this trauma rule me any more!
This week, I spend four straight days either driving or being a passenger in a car for no less than 4 hours each day. I was petrified before I left that I wouldn't be able to do it and was positive that I would die before making it back. I drove 5 hours to my friend's house and stopped 2 times just to make sure I broke the trip up a little. I didn't have any panic attacks even when there was tons of traffic. Luckily, all the other cars' drivers seemed to be behaving themselves. I let my friend drive to our next destination and back on the next two days and sometimes I am not to fond of her driving, but it was fine. She drive safely and I rode safely and only on the way home was I slightly dissociated (but I think that was probably from the overall trip and event we had gone to). I drove 5 hours home yesterday (stopping 4 times this time because I was tired), but I made it. Even had enough energy afterwards to have company and meet a fabulous golden retriever.
I am proud of myself for agreeing to this trip and for getting through it with such minimal effects. I must remember this as the actual anniversary draws near. I am not still trapped in that car. And though I have a lot of work to do with other trauma, I am working on not letting this trauma rule me any more!
