Freaked By Seeing Old Friend

[Bill Dickerson]

I saw an old friend (who I dated) at a park yesterday. Not sure if she saw me wave. I'm not sure why I waved. Knee jerk reaction I guess.

The friend is from the job I left one day when my glass got too full and I fell apart. I never had a chance to go back and explain to any of my friends aka family. I'm so embarrassed that I let myself and everybody else down.

Intellectually I understand but it still feels like I abandoned them. It feels like I owe them an explanation or an apology.

I'm confused. Anybody else have this problem/feelings/anxiety?????

 

[Mit]

Sort of....and I understand why it made you feel anxious.

I was sacked from my previous job, justifiably. I had no chance to say anything to any work colleagues. The nature of my failing was such that I didn't want anybody to know why I had been sacked. So I've avoided all contact with ex-colleagues ever since (four years now). When I do see an ex-colleague in the street/shops my immediate reaction is to hide somewhere, cross the road or pretend I haven't seen them. Avoidance at all costs, and yes I suffer from an anxiety attack when this happens. Because I don't know if people have heard rumour about what it was I did, I find it impossible to face them, I am embarrassed and ashamed.

But in your situation, leaving on mental health grounds, I don't think you should feel you owe anybody an explanation or an apology. If you had suddenly been diagnosed with a serious or terminal illness you may not want to explain to people why you suddenly stopped work, so why do we think differently about mental health.

If it was somebody you felt comfortable with and wanted to open up to you might talk to them and say something about what happened, and I'm sure any reasonable person would be totally understanding. But I don't think you OWE it to other people. In these circumstances you owe it to yourself to look after you, first and foremost and not worry about other people.

Typically I'm utterly rubbish at practising what I preach! But I do understand how this situation can trigger anxiety and you have my sympathy.

 

[scout86]

If it was somebody you felt comfortable with and wanted to open up to you might talk to them and say something about what happened, and I'm sure any reasonable person would be totally understanding. But I don't think you OWE it to other people.

I totally agree with this. I wonder, if you found a chance to talk to them, and explain a little about what happened, and how you feel like you abandoned them, what would happen. You MIGHT find understanding (they WERE your friends after all, so I'd expect them to be good people). And you MIGHT restore a friendship or two in the process.

Your actual question was "does anyone else have this problem?" I guess I'd have to say not exactly, because I've never been in exactly that situation. But it's kind of easy to imagine being in that situation and I think my feelings would be similar to yours. But I also think it would possibly be one of those situations where barriers exist in my head that don't exist in the "real world."

 

[theotherside]

There are a lot of people i didn't tell or explain..i just left..
I think that the real genuine people that i love know..because in the beginning of my diagnosis i shared with some of them...i dont keep contact anymore but i send an occasional holiday card..
I feel guilty too..i hope they understand..but i didnt understand ptsd until i had it..