Freezing in therapy- feeling exposed

[Sweetisabelle]

I’m feeling incredibly vulnerable and ashamed of myself right now. I had a really good yet difficult therapy session today. But it was uncomfortable.

My therapist brought up the topic of sex. I forgot how it came up, I think he was explaining that many csa survivors have a difficult time with trusting, and with sexual relationships.... anyways, when he said the word “sex” for the first time he stopped to ask me how I was feeling. He had said that it seemed like I just deflated.... I felt anxious but I think or am assuming that my outward appearance was hinting at a frozen state. I’m not even too sure.

No one has ever stopped and asked me how I felt about things like this in the middle of the conversation. I think I am feeling really vulnerable because my therapist is one person who picks up on these subtle cues that no one else in my life notices. If feels odd to be noticed, and honestly it’s scary.

All my life I have tried so hard to hide my reactions. To not let little hints like this slip. But today I guess I couldn’t hide it well enough.

I’m feeling a lot of shame about someone seeing how uncomfortable I get around hearing the word “sex”. I feel dirty and exposed. My logically mind knows sex is not dirty, and I think that’s part of the reason I feel so ashamed about freezing in session today. I feel I shouldn’t feel ashamed or scared but I do.

 

[littleoc]

I understand. I’m sure many people here do.

The body will always give off subtle clues about how it is feelings and thinking. That’s why slow motion cams make people seem so honest.

I wish I could offer more comfort, but I don’t know enough. I just thought it might be comforting to know that it’s not just you.

Many hugs

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

The current therapist I am seeing is very good at noticing body clues and I am grateful for it. She makes me aware of that I am not sometimes aware because I am dysregulated.

I had a similar incident to yours a few weeks back whereby a certain word was said and my face went white and dropped, my t picked up on this, I wasn’t fully aware I had been triggered as I was disconnected from it. I wasn’t able to discuss my feelings with my therapist as I couldn’t work them out.

Essentially whatever was triggered wasn’t ready to be expressed, maybe journaling about the experience may help, I think mainly patience and trusting the process will make what was triggered rise to the surface to be comforted.

 

[ImSad]

I have a similar issue where I know logically sex isn’t dirty, that it should be a fun and liberating thing, so I feel awkward and embarrassed that I even get awkward and embarrassed when it comes up. For me personally it’s a reason I’ve yet to delve too deep into sexual related trauma with my t. Every time I’ve brought it up I always feel weird about talking about it and so I shy away from talking about that one particular trauma because I’m too afraid of my t picking up on how uncomfortable I get talking about sex.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this, and that I don’t have any helpful advice for you. Just know that you’re not alone in feeling the way that you do.

 

[grit]

your logical mind - the adult, can literally say words to soothe the inner child that is in panic about sex.

our parents did not teach us how to soothe so now the adult, the logic (like the lost parent) can soothe that inner child.

can you write a letter to your inner child to relax her and show her you love her no matter what? I know this sounds childish but you are talking to a child inside of you not adult.

When I get deep, embedded shame, I sing to myself like lullaby. It works like a magic weirdly enough.

If these do not work for you, just remember, even writing here is theraputic and you are sharing is a step the right way.

take care.