Backstory: My spouse is a vet and from a military background. When you read this you must keep in mind how much having your things in order is valued in the military. His family does not do feelings. They keep a stiff upper lip. He has several brothers who know he has PTSD. We employ a cleaner. Everybody in his family just lives for spit and polish. You can eat from the floor in their homes, they pay so much attention to orderliness, smartness of appearance and so. Last weeks have been pretty shitty and pretty stressful and I never found the time to give the bathroom a proper cleaning. The day before my vet, who had been sleeping very, very poorly for days, was so knackered in the evening. When he had a shower he just threw his clothes, a shampoo bottle and so on on the floor.
When we were cleaning up the day before, some of his siblings were coming to visit, we said „let’s just clean only the first two floors because nobody will see the third floor anyway“. The third floor looked so horrible. We already employ a cleaner and I do a whole lot of cleaning, but our children trash any place in no time.
So his siblings arrived, my vet did not have the time to shave (it was in the morning when they came and he had slept poorly in the night and slept in), but apart from that everything was fine. So we ate, drank, talked... but then one of my Vets brothers needed to use the toilet. We have one guest toilet and the one in the bathroom upstairs. To my shock and horror I realised that he was going upstairs. After a while he came down again holding the shampoo bottle.
This brother typically is not very friendly, but rather blunt, but now he talked in a very friendly and mild voice „Is this your bottle of shampoo“ showing it to my vet and then he said, he had cleaned up the bathroom a little and hoped we did not mind and then he drew a deep breath and asked my vet for how long he did not shave, taking his hand and striking it gently. He made it sound like my hubby had not shaven for weeks and looked like a tramp living under a bridge. Then another one of his brothers said „Yes, you did not shave. I noticed it too. Would you like to shave? I do not mind, but some people are idiots and care about those things“ in a gentle voice... like talking to a sick child. Then he went to shave and we continued to eat.
Why is this so bad? Because typically folks in his family are not like that. I mean noticing someone did not shave is very much like them... but talking in such a gentle voice, being that friendly, striking someone’s hand is not. Calling people for care for appearance idiots is so unlike them... because they actually ARE those people who care for this.
I just think that they now started to believe we are beyond all help.
I am feeling just so bad about myself. I let my hubby sleep in by switching of the alarm clock because I thought he needed his sleep, otherwise he would have shaven and maybe also cleaned up a little more.
I am just so saddened by their reaction. I would have loved to be told by them that it is disrespectful to have such a chaotic home when you invite guest and that it was disrespectful of hubby not to shave but this...
Thanks for reading.
When we were cleaning up the day before, some of his siblings were coming to visit, we said „let’s just clean only the first two floors because nobody will see the third floor anyway“. The third floor looked so horrible. We already employ a cleaner and I do a whole lot of cleaning, but our children trash any place in no time.
So his siblings arrived, my vet did not have the time to shave (it was in the morning when they came and he had slept poorly in the night and slept in), but apart from that everything was fine. So we ate, drank, talked... but then one of my Vets brothers needed to use the toilet. We have one guest toilet and the one in the bathroom upstairs. To my shock and horror I realised that he was going upstairs. After a while he came down again holding the shampoo bottle.
This brother typically is not very friendly, but rather blunt, but now he talked in a very friendly and mild voice „Is this your bottle of shampoo“ showing it to my vet and then he said, he had cleaned up the bathroom a little and hoped we did not mind and then he drew a deep breath and asked my vet for how long he did not shave, taking his hand and striking it gently. He made it sound like my hubby had not shaven for weeks and looked like a tramp living under a bridge. Then another one of his brothers said „Yes, you did not shave. I noticed it too. Would you like to shave? I do not mind, but some people are idiots and care about those things“ in a gentle voice... like talking to a sick child. Then he went to shave and we continued to eat.
Why is this so bad? Because typically folks in his family are not like that. I mean noticing someone did not shave is very much like them... but talking in such a gentle voice, being that friendly, striking someone’s hand is not. Calling people for care for appearance idiots is so unlike them... because they actually ARE those people who care for this.
I just think that they now started to believe we are beyond all help.
I am feeling just so bad about myself. I let my hubby sleep in by switching of the alarm clock because I thought he needed his sleep, otherwise he would have shaven and maybe also cleaned up a little more.
I am just so saddened by their reaction. I would have loved to be told by them that it is disrespectful to have such a chaotic home when you invite guest and that it was disrespectful of hubby not to shave but this...
Thanks for reading.
