Gaslighting Example

[Upside Down Eagle]

I would like to share an experience of mine as an example of gaslighting.

There have been several situations in recent years where I´ve learned to speak up, state clearly what I need, and say NO. This has been welcomed by people whom I would consider allies.

In a specific group of people it has also triggered a very specific response. I always get the exact same response from these people, independently of situation and person. The response is always this:

"I am aware that you think that way... but you are wrong, because you are traumatized and therefore you don´t see the truth as clearly as I do. I want you to know that I am trying to help you and am very patient with you, and I will help you see it the way I do".

I want to warn you all of this because when you start to come into your power, and become more sure of you, people who have been depending on you to be "a victim" will feel threatened. What they will do is try to push you back into "sad victim" and push themselves back as your mentor or your protector.

The fact is that I am not nearly as traumatized as I used to be and am now able to say "NO".
It is always my relatives who are carrying out the gaslighting and who need me to be weak, so they can take care of me.

Beware of this kind of "love".
Only seek out people who love you even if you have your own way, your own opinion and your own say.

 

[somerandomguy]

"I am aware that you think that way... but you are wrong, because you are traumatized and therefore you don´t see the truth as clearly as I do. I want you to know that I am trying to help you and am very patient with you, and I will help you see it the way I do".

If it smells like bullshit, it's probably bullshit.

It is always my relatives who are carrying out the gaslighting and who need me to be weak, so they can take care of me.

And there's the tell.

Thanks for this post.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

The reality of a mental health sufferer is much different than the reality of the average Joe or Jane..

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I know, but it´s precisely this reality that can be used by others.

There is a difference between:
- helping
- manipulating somebody into believing they are in need of help so as to influence them and gain something from it

See, that´s why I wrote this post in the first place.
For the last 4 years I have been more or less symptom free, but my family keeps insisting that I am "traumatized". According to them, I am broken and thus they have an alibi to "fix me".

We can have a discussion about whether or not I am symptom free - but the reality is that once people´s self-perception hinges on somebody who is a victim, it will be VERY difficult for them to let go of that once you start healing.

I just want to warn people against family members/"friends" who have a hero complex and believe that they are the ones who decide whether or not you are capable of rational thinking and decision making.

Do not be gaslighted into thinking that your individuality matters none or that you have zero power. That´s all.
I´m not saying: be paranoid and be on the lookout for everybody.