Gaslighting: Protecting Yourself

[mamachick]

I can move on much easier with my siblings. It is my children that I am having such trouble with. Yes, I did have a boyfriend who was a great therapist and a mind F... Left me with my head spinning. At the same time, my 14 yr old was doing some rebelling and getting the sympathy of her dad.

I have tried to ignore how she works us. When I have tried to call her on it, he sticks up for her. It is not only the damage that it has done to me, but I have watched her go from a beatiful 120 pound gal to over 200 in 3 yrs. I think she has problems that are not addressed. She is very successful in lawschool and career and very social, but she does not keep friends. Im afraid she is more than revengeful. I have seen her in the height of drama and exaggeration. She has even gotten physical with me on 2 occassions when I refused to cower to her.

Where I should have recovered from the gaslighting that ended 7 yrs ago, she has continued. Some of those years she lived at home, then away to college but home weekends, holidays, and summers. I read an article on gaslighting and it had a list of symptoms, almost all I have. Many of the symptoms are similiar to ptsd-makes me wonder if I suffer both or am misdiagnosed.

Just confused here. For the past two years, I started gambling as an escape. Now I have quit and trying to face everything squarely-as I should. I am sick to my stomach alot and this am have a break out of cold sore lips and nose. I know this is stress related. I have slept16 of 24 hrs for days now.

I am afraid to do well, to succeed, to look forward to something, as I know it will be taken from me, and often by my daughter. I feel like the family puppet.

 

[Philippa]

Your daughter sounds quite histrionic and manipulative. Sadly, I don't think her behavior towards you is uncommon. It's happening a fair bit these days, kids being violent towards their parents.

The world has truly gone mad.

 

[doc leda]

Thank you for this thread. I don't know if I can express myself enough to post, but I have learnt a lot from reading everyone's thoughtful comments. I can relate to brat17 on some level. The difficulty of child behaviours as well as gaslighting in general.

 

[nomoregaslighting]

Thanks for this forum. My husband is going through a rough time at work, and he started gaslighting me about 3 times a week. He's not a physical gaslighter - he's a verbal one. You know the type. I'm taking steps to do everything to protect myself in case the situation escalates. He acts like he doesn't even like me. I'm not perfect, but I haven't done anything wrong or anything to deserve such treatment. Why do gaslighters fog people? They suck!

 

[Anna]

Yes. I have realised my husband does this too. He did it again tonight.

I am learning how not to rise to the bait.

Today I expressed an opinion which I am allowed to do and he became aggressive and belittled me like I was an idiot. An argument started.

I got upset, he won, I cried hit myself around the head and shouted

"I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN OPINION"

to which he replied

"Do you want me to leave you?"

I closed the door, calmly told him to leave me alone and cried, am still doing so now

Last time he called me crazy. "YOU ARE CRAZY" he shouted.

Always disagrees with everything I say. Caused problems on a holiday, and tries to provoke me into getting upset or losing it. He managed in the past, now I am learning to cope it is getting harder so he has started the threatning to leave, he knows my illness, knows my abandonment issues. It is the Achilles heal, but to be frank I don't care if he does leave. I have to seriously consider what to do.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Anna)))))))

I'm sorry things are so hard. Have you told your T. about this? Especially the self-harming of hitting yourself in the head?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Bloom. You are a worthy human being of good and not bad. Big hugs to you.

 

[Philippa]

Oh I know those arguments well. People stuck in their egos aren't able to allow anyone else to have an alternative opinion without making them wrong. Everyone's opinion is right, for them. People who do that are narrow minded to seeing how others perspectives are valid...so it has nothing to do with you anna...and I'm sorry you have to deal with this guy...though by the sounds of it you are looking at not having to anymore?

I'd say his threat was probably idle, and more designed to instil fear of abandonment than anything else. When I have family members throw that crap at me I say "You know what, go ahead, you'd be doing me a MASSIVE favor", and that shuts them up.

 

[Philippa]

The reality that not only has my mother pulled this final punch on me, but that they have both decided that I have 'burnt my bridges" with THEM, that THEY are left with no other option than to cast ME out!!! They don't want to see that they are the ones who BLEW THE BRIDGE up!

It's beyond astounding, but I guess that is what people in denial will do rather than be brave. I suppose it is a natural human tendency when rejected to then reject the other person and make it out to be about them.

Having no contact, I cannot be exactly sure if this is what is going on, but it is my gut feeling, and I woke up this morning feeling like the energy has changed and pulled away. They've decided I'm just pathetic and childish and I've already caused them so much suffering, so they're not going to bother anymore...it's MY loss after all.

I feel empty, and trying not to slip back into the self-doubting place. I've been doing well up to now to not.

 

[shadowchaser]

I'm talking again to someone who has done this to me in the past. I'm keeping them at arms distance. Don't know how much I'm going to socialize with her. I told her that I'm willing to be at distance friends but I don't think I can get to close again because I don't think I can trust her. She already tried to turn it around and said "well we both need to build trust again with each other."

Oh boy what fun.

:poop:

 

[JustBe]

Toxic people will suck the life out of you of you let them.

 

[shadowchaser]

That is why I'm being so cautious. I refuse to go threw that again.