Gender and self injury by cutting

[digger]

I am not dismissive of people who injure for attention, just saying that it has never been a reason for me personally. Apologies if that's how it came across.

 

[Abstract]

It angers me when people are dismissive of those who even partially injure for the attention, as if there are "right" reasons to injure and there are "wrong" reasons to injure

I don't mean this at all. What I do mean is that those who don't self injure assume that it is always about this. I don't think there is anything wrong if that is what it is and there is a percentage of the time that this is the case. What gets up my nose is the seeming lack of professionals and others being able to hear that it might not be this. Its the blanket tag on it that I don't like. There are a mass of other reasons to do it.

 

[digger]

One of the more helpful sites I've found in understanding and coping with self harm. Interestingly, with regard to the topic of this thread, it is very much aimed at women though and women under 25 at that (although I think that is more of a funding thing than anything) It is hard to find good information for adults who self harm. http://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/

 

[franciemarnie]

I remember reading that when women kill, it tends to be something internal that people wont see like poison v men who will do something externally visible like using guns or knives. I don't know of this is true, but I read that somewhere. It could be sociological then because I also think self harming is not something people want others to see. It would be interesting to see if over the years in more liberated countries if women use more externally violent means to destroy as the years go by. Nurture v nature possibly.

 

[Lucycat]

This might not be popular, but I have noticed recently - like in the last year - that cutting has become 'fashionable'. A friend's daughter has told me about girls brandishing their new scars like trophies. One in the class starts and then a number copied. When the teacher entered the room they rolled up their sleeves to show. Note - mixed class but only the girls were involved. This has happened over a number of months.

Now I have no idea if these girls were in any way troubled, or whether they were each treated with the respect and dignity they deserve to explain themselves, however I do find it quite worrying.

My gut feeling is that these are not 'true' cutters, by which I mean without compulsion, but more as a means of experimentation. However if even just one of them is suffering the others may have cost her the opportunity to seek help.

Personally I have not cut, however I used to self injure in another way. Fortunately that is rare now, and most definitely not attention seeking. I hid it for many years, and even now prefer to keep it to myself.

 

[Abstract]

Lucycat, horrifically apparently there are website where they show each other what they do and how severe. It's possibly a little like those pro anorexia sites. I suspect a lot of it the motivation is almost like a dare and is greatly fuelled by peer pressure and the need to belong. Someone to notice them.

 

[digger]

Trying to think some more on the 'why cutting' part of your post...am I reading it right that you're wanting to understand why cutting specifically as oppose to other ways of causing harm to yourself?

 

[Abstract]

Link Removed
http://www.jabfm.org/content/23/2/240.full#R13
[DLMURL]http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-deviance-society/201109/do-men-self-injur[/DLMURL]y
It seems self injury is probably not that different amount wise in males and females but it does seem as if cutting is more common with females although probably not nearly as different as is perceived and females do use use other types of self harm that people possibly associate with men. It is also thought by some that the playing field is being levelled which isn't surprising to me.

Not that my concentration is up to reading it properly but it's possible the first one may tell you some of what you are wondering. Guessing of course as I am not clear as to what you are looking for.

I have to add for clarity that I haven't only done cutting either.

 

[Candleflames]

I first started self harming almost 30 years ago as a kid. I didn't really know what I was doing, I just needed to act out the pain, anger and hatred I was feeling. I was also completely powerless to care for or defend myself. I think that's why I turned all those feelings inward. I was the only one I could exact my revenge against as everyone else in my family held more power than I did, even my little sister. I can only speak for myself but that was how it started for me. I was a powerless little kid full of rage and pain. I believed what my family told me about how horrible and disgusting I was and took it out on myself. I really thought that if I could just learn to have value that the abuse would all stop.

Many people here have already put forth excellent truths about about why self harm. It is a complex subject that has a myriad of reasons. I think a lot of are trying to match our outsides to how we feel inside. I think anger and hatred and self blame plays a big part. Seeing our bodies as a representation of ourselves and controlling our outside to control our inside is another factor. I think trying to get attention for the internal pain is just as valid. On a side note: when someone is doing something to get attention it's because they need some. I also know that the physical pain from self harm distracts or competes with the emotional pain and is often easier to deal with.

But none of that tells you about cutting in particular. The only way I can think of to let you know why cutting is one of the things I have done is to describe an episode. I'm not sure if I could post that here. Maybe I should in my diary. I will say that for the cutting the appeal is the icy hot burn of a thin blade and the control over the depth. I also find blood fascinating and figuring out how to make myself bleed in just the right amounts was one of the starting thoughts. I also have a fascination with looking at wounds, scars, the lines the body makes and the process that disrupts those lines. For me the self harm has been a slow ritualized process that takes all my focus and has often stemmed from me thinking about "what if's."

I do want to let everyone know that I have not harmed continuously for the past 30 years but in bouts for a couple of months to a couple of years at a time. I was 8 or 9 when I started.

 

[kahlan]

I think maybe the gender issue may be more about how males and females are sociallized. Males to be more outwardly aggressive amd females more passive.

As a person who has and still catch myself on occasion self harming i turned to body modification and tattooing early in my twenties as a way to focus those feelings into something I find more expressive.

The "fad" self harm trend is rather disturbing though. Hurting yourself to be "cool" makes my head spin.

 

[Hashi]

Do you feel cutting has specific significance compared to other types?

am I reading it right that you're wanting to understand why cutting specifically as oppose to other ways of causing harm to yourself?

Yes. I'm trying to sort through what I understand about self harm in general, and what's the meaning of cutting in particular.

There are things that were done to me during trauma that I want to do to myself, as self harm. @macca for me, punching myself falls into that category although it may be completely different for you of course. There are other things too.

There are things that I want to do to myself as self harm which I don't think are directly from trauma. At least, not as far as I know.

When it comes to cutting, I very strongly don't want to do it. I have a sort of explosion of thoughts and associations with that. It both was and positively wasn't part of my trauma (I don't want to say any more than that). However, I "inadvertently" do things that make me bleed - like shaving my legs carelessly or scratching too hard without noticing. I don't like the result and it certainly isn't conscious but obviously something's going on subconsciously to make me do that.

The other, deliberate self harm I want to do is either to shock myself into a different state of mind or to punish myself. Being aware of that helps me to not do it. I'm surprised I don't want to cut myself. It seems to have a different meaning for me, and I wondered if other people felt that there's a difference between cutting and other types of self harm, or if this is only me. That probably sounds much more clinical than I mean it to. I want to understand myself with this, and why I'm doing this low-level stuff subconsciously. It feels significant but I don't know what it represents.

I'm also very aware that I seem to come across cutting so much, and in female contexts. I'm wondering about how being female might be relevant and what that could mean for me. Sadly, it sounds like some males are also caught up in the need to do it.

It's about the urge to self-harm generally, too. Especially reading responses here and thinking how much we have to deal with and how hard that is. Thank you to people for being willing to share about it. I'm thinking a lot about the responses.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sorry, I wasn't trying to point fingers at anyone here, rather reflecting on an experience on another forum. You know, arguing with self-righteous teenagers who are at the age where they think they know everything and slam you if you even suggest something which goes against their tightly held, narrow view of the world. But I digress...

You don't get to the point of it being an addictive behavior to lessen your pain if you're only doing it for attention. Yes, I was at that point, cutting 3 times a day just to make it through the day. I spent a month in a self-injury treatment program just so I could stop. A part of me wanted others to know just so I could be saved. (Remember, a lot of us with PTSD have a savior complex!)