Getting Irritated Reading Threads

[TonyG]

So for those who don't know my story of trauma I was a first responder to a multiple fatality accident, I formed a bond with the dying and that was 30 years ago,
So I keep reading things I can't relate to my trauma and to be honest sound like day to day life problems, Is it just me, loosing parents is a part of life and I think of my parents often but it's not what wakes me up at night.

 

[Ronin]

There's a great difference in who one loses, how, and the impact it has.

If your parent is the only person in your life that's ever cared for you?

If your parent is someone who hurt you & held you out of contact with the outside world for decades?

Both would make losing them hella lot more than 'just a day to day thing'.

Just going with the example you've went with. This ain't a trauma marathon here. We're running a recovery one.

 

[Recovery4Me]

So I keep reading things I can't relate to my trauma and to be honest sound like day to day life problems, I

Empathy is a gift for the other. Relating to the trauma is not a factor always necessary for me but attempting to relate to another in pain is often my goal set. However, minimizing or judging anothers pain by comparison to one's self interest or limited narrative is a different matter. Have you discussed this with your T?

 

[Kailani]

I am sorry you are struggling with this. Maybe you are going through a lot right now. Remember that some people could say the same about your experiences but they don't. This is a supportive forum. Everything can affect people differently especially those with ptsd. False diagnosis' of ptsd like from a breakup is another story but we are here to share experiences, to learn and get better and to support one another. There is always someone who has had lighter experiences than you with ptsd and someone with far worse experiences than you with ptsd. It's about the effect on the person and meeting the ptsd criteria. Sorry you are struggling!!!! Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Neverthesame]

@TonyG I get this, I really do. I'm guilty of it myself, there was one I was reading today in fact. The first thought that entered my head was, "really?" I'll be honest, I am still feeling that way about it.

Sometimes I read these and it's obvious that it's (I don't even know the word) a person making a mountain of a mole hill. Something about a partners prolific pornography habit, or the person who inadvertently came into contact with another humans fecal matter. Silly shit, actually silly shit.

Then there are ones like today, where it's more of a grey area. I probably won't leave a comment on that thread out of a desire not to be the rude jaded prick I am in person, also because trauma is indeed relative. While that doesn't validate the silly shit, it also doesn't invalidate the fact that someone else was really, really, bothered by something I would, or actually have, shrugged off as just a shitty day.

I also try to remember that for my own trauma for example, there are many people out there still working EMS. Who have been through far worse than me, many, many more bad calls. Some are struggling through the job while living with PTSD, some are just fine, sleep like babies at night. Cause for some reason no matter how bad the shit, it just doesn't bother them. At least not enough to break them. These guys are the ones who I imagine hear my story and say ".... And?.... Oh that's all? Huh. Well, I ever tell you about the time I got called out to a bus load of burning nuns, that drove off a cliff, landed on a plane full of refugees, causing it to crash into an building full of crippled orphans? Ha ha, what a mess! I almost threw up after that one, or maybe I shouldn't have had the mayo. Oh well, get over yourself kid. If you couldn't hack it, you had no business in this field. Grow up. Glad I'm not stuck riding in the same bus with your whiney ass."

I never met that guy, outside of my own self loathing, thank God. What an asshole lol.
I also know that if I can say that to myself, and mean it. I can say something like it to someone else. And, neither of us deserve it.

Sometimes I learn more about empathy, not just for others, but for myself. Being able to accept that someone who has had it 'easier' than me, is in real pain. That they are worthy of compassion and support. Maybe I can one day learn to forgive myself for being where I am, to allow myself to let go the need to blame myself for an act of god. Maybe then I can start getting better, get out of the purgatory I live in of anxiety fueled fear, hatred, depression and guilt.

If nothing else, again speaking strictly for myself. I just don't want to be rude to someone that really isn't doing anything wrong.

 

[Fadeaway]

Sometimes I read these and it's obvious that it's (I don't even know the word) a person making a mountain of a mole hill. Something about a partners prolific pornography habit, or the person who inadvertently came into contact with another humans fecal matter. Silly shit, actually silly shit.

I'll be honest, those irritate me too. So maybe I don't really have a right to talk, but yeah, my mothers death is one of my traumas. She was a drug addict who committed suicide. While not the cause of my PTSD as I probably had it before then, it does meet criterion A. given the violent manner of her death.

The way I see it, there are 4 types of posts here. (not including supporter posts)

1. The type of post that make me wonder why they are here. They are the ones that try to argue things like "Yes, you really can get PTSD from a stubbed toe." or they are being haunted by something no one else seems to see or hear.
2. People who are clearly hurting and have been through a life challenge that either doesn't meet criterion A or it is questionable whether it does.
   
3. People who have experienced trauma that I can not relate to so I feel inadequacy in my ability to offer them support, but my heart still goes out to them.
4. People whose traumas I can relate to. Of course its normal to feel more of a connection to people whose stories I can related to, but it is far from exclusive.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think people with hold (not even intentionally) lots of info not shared.

I do know one thing for certain, '(because I've experienced both) 'normal' grief is very different than a death which causes or is intertwined with ptsd (or developmental trauma, or abuse, or breaking down etc. As @Cashew & others have said). I just realized that about a month ago, actually.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Junebug That is also a good point. Not everyone is an open book, for whatever reason, intentional or otherwise.

I know another thread here has really had me thinking of the concept of judgment towards others. How there are many different reasons and sources that tell us that we shouldn't do that. But how do you not?

Short of literally hiding in a cave with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears. It just isn't possible. I guess it doesn't matter.

Bah.
To everyone: Sorry if I have been coming as overly rude and preachy lately. It's anniversary time for me. Trying to be positive, not having much luck of it.

 

[The Albatross]

I have not shared all my trauma on the forum... there is, though I have been a prolific poster, stuff I have withheld. That being said, much of my own content has changed over the course of the 4 or so years I've participated here. Now it is mostly a self care behavior (my diary) - an effort (daily) to self manage, emotionally regulate, that sort of thing. OR an effort to come to better understanding of situations, reactions, behaviors by learning from peers. Somewhere in the forum participation process it mutated/evolved towards post traumatic growth stuff or "How to Live Life With PTSD" (my inner critic says "... For Dummies").

So I get what Tony shares about day to day issues or grief issues... but if I share here on a check in/regular basis... I find it a good deal better to manage the day. I got some levity now I didn't have before... or got when I was in therapy and counseling. 12 steppers even wrote a book about learning how to live/do life while sober - it is recommended 12 step one year recovery reading. So I guess I post now more along those lines. More perhaps to attempt to encourage/self propel myself than for the benefit of others. I have been less successful this year in that respect. But telling all the traumas... no. I didn't list them or reveal "all of them" nor felt obligated to do so. Day to day issues or not, I still at times struggle to manage those... at times more often than not daily.

I have been pretty fortunate this year even though it's been really tough... stress and triggers are still around, but how I perceive them has fundamentally changed and a lot of that is due in large part to the diaries and discussions of the people here.

@TonyG perhaps starting a discussion or opening a thread on things that DO relate to your trauma(s) and what might/would be helpful to you might be assistive? I do know that the stuff first responders deal with is different. There are some here. I guess I got sparked a bit on the grief thing and can relate to a degree because I've done a good amount of end of life/hospice stuff and am actually considered a first responder/advocate for the elder clients I have and was a life guard. Not the same as what you have experienced or a very professional capacity even... but I understand the disconnect with some of the content on the forum.

It helps me to remember that peers are a wide spectrum, not only of trauma scope but of "where" we are (or not) in recovery. Peers in the spectrum most often, I find offer beneficial points of view... what works, what doesn't are at either end of the recovery spectrum. Maybe that is something to bear in mind while reading?

 

[The Albatross]

@Neverthesame you don't sound too overly rude or preachy to me.

 

[darwin]

This is a condition which is caused by many various factors revolving around a trauma, resulting in actual physically altered state (the brain is altered, the amygdala is enlarged, the hippocampus shrunk), causing undo anxiety in pretty much any case. I could argue that no matter how bad the trauma is so what? It's in the past right? Well the what is that the body is now in an exhausted state from constantly flowing stress hormones and the brain is hardly able to cope being that it's pieces aren't fitting together correctly. If a mind cannot put away a memory, regardless of the severity, the result is the same. If the biochemical situation is ripe when the trauma occurs, the condition results. I am sure severity is a factor, but not the only factor.

So now, the day to day stuff is a much bigger deal because of the condition the body is in. The adrenal glands are exhausted, the brain isn't making the natural happy drugs any more, hormones are completely out of whack and the wiring is all fried. Just like any machine, the usual stuff becomes impossible to perform, and this cascades into more stress, a terrible cycle. Hell sometimes I feel the universe is crushing me apropos to nothing.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use platitudes, like when life throws you lemons.. I want to finish by saying I squeeze the lemon juice into the eyes of people who use platitudes. :p It just doesn't work that way with PTSD. The usual human thinking does not apply. It just doesn't. Although, the usual human thinking is great for the usual human.

 

[TonyG]

There's a great difference in who one loses, how, and the impact it has.

If your parent is the only perso...

I had a great relationship with both my parents, l they were both in their nineties when they died, I loved them both very much, I grew up with my brother and when he died I felt enormous grief, it's hard to believe they are gone, The event I relive is not the same, it's horrific, its just not the same