Relationship Girlfriend Of Combat Veteran With Ptsd

[kittiekittie]

I just wish sometimes we could hear more directly from the men who either are experiencing similar situations or have worked through them and are at a further point

Oh man this would be so immensly helpful. It's so hard to tell if what you are doing is good or bad, especially when it's like talking to a wall.

 

[akenawolf]

I can put my husband on if anyone would like to ask questions. Hes a marine vet with ptsd. We aren't professionals but we are happy and we can offer assistance if anyone wants it.

 

[myvetswife]

It's so hard to tell if what you are doing is good or bad, especially when it's like talking to a wall.

What works for one Person with PTSD will not work for another. I don't think you can make a list of good and bad things.

I talk to my husband when he is good and discuss with him how to treat him in different situations. But sometimes he even doesn't know.

 

[Alysia91]

I feel such a sense of relief after reading through this forum. My BF of 4 years just left because "he needs to work on himself and figure out what is going on in his head". He just recently started seeing a therapist consistently and by the sounds of it he is starting to get to the core of his issues. The other day when he told me that he no longer wanted to do couples counselling he said that he realized that he has been scared and not content since he was in Iraq and Afghanistan. He tells me that being in a relationship is too much pressure for him right now, and that he needs to focus on being able to keep his job. I miss the man that I love so dearly, I hate being alone and feeling rejected. At a time when he is hurting so much, I just want him home so that I can be there for him and we can go through this together. He says that he can't make any promises as far as us getting back together because he doesn't want to hurt me if we don't. I feel lost. Do I move on, or do I wait for him?

 

[NPgirl]

Oh man this would be so immensly helpful. It's so hard to tell if what you are doing is good or bad, especially when it's like talking to a wall.

I have to admit I truly feel that way sometimes. I am new to this forum but I am so glad I found it. Just knowing that there are others out there that are experiencing the same thing that I am with my relationship makes me feel better. It means I am not alone. It also tells me that it really isn't my fault. I have been dating an Army Vet for a little over a year. My story is very much the same. Everything started great, he was up front with me about his PTSD he even told me that he was previously engaged and that things didn't work out because she couldn't handle it. But the symptoms weren't there at first. It came on gradually over the last 7 months. I call it radio silence.

We don't live together and when he is having those times where he shuts himself away it could be days or weeks before I hear from him. The longest time we went without him responding to me was 2 months. It was so hard, I would still text him messages regularly keeping him up to date with what I was doing and making sure he knew that I was still there, that he still had my love and support. He actually checked my FB posts regularly to make sure that I was doing okay but he quite literally couldn't bring himself to actually talk to me directly or really anyone else for that matter. It is heart breaking but I will say I have found that our veterans have demons, if you will, and they deal with them every day. More often than not when we get shut out it is because they are trying to protect us from themselves. As much as we wish it wasn't the case. It feels good to let this all out. I don't know if what I say will help anyone else. I hope it at least gives some of you hope, you aren't alone, I am really glad for this place.

 

[Tifani]

Hi all. I just started dating a navy veteran. I have always stayed away from dating military men when I was younger. We have seen each other for a month now and part of that he was out of town for work. When he came back I was so happy and we spent some time together. Then he had a crying episode and I was not worried. I held him and told him it was ok and then we talked about it later. He kept telling me how great I was. I just did what was natural. I really like him alot. So he came to my place and then he was distant and quiet and I ended up crying cuz I was upset about it. He left and said he needed to a work on him and for me to be patient. I ended up revisiting my therapists a couple days later cuz I was lost. He isnt communicating with me at all.

Your experiences are very helpful and I really think he is a good guy but I have to ask. How often will he diaappear like this? Despite how we feel about our men, do u feel like its worth it?

 

[Nolegirl]

Ladies-

Thank you very much! At-least I know I am not alone! My vet is a career navy man, who is about to retire. We have been together for nine months and extremely happy until about 3 weeks ago. It's been a month since I've seen him (ouch. I finally put it in writing) and 3 weeks since he said he needed space, but pointed out that we were not breaking up. Ironically it was the day after Veterans Day.

I have felt like a zombie for three weeks. I'm Crying myself to sleep, drinking more wine than normal, very weepy, and always trying to figure out what I did wrong to upset him. I have gone out with my girls and tried to have fun. But, I'm a type A person I have a very hard time with patience and not having control. The holidays make it worse, all this happiness and commercials with happy families, exactly how we had planned on spending them together. It is so nice to know that I am not crazy. That I didn't miss a "signal" or that I haven't been duped by this person that I absolutely adore. Still heartbroken, but I feel better knowing that I am not alone!!

 

[mle]

I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone in this....I'm where everyone is, I'm ready to give up on my army vet...is there any positives, any happy ending?

 

[GBA26]

Maybe someone can shed some light on my situation...
I recently meant this man on and online dating site. We had a lot in common and decided to meet for lunch in person. He seemed to be the man of my dreams, needless to say my heart ran away with me. A few weeks later we saw each other again. He drove up to see me on the 4th of July. But he said that he couldn't stay because he had to be at home before the fireworks started. I thought this was really strange and I figured that there was something he wasn't telling me...

There was something about this man that I couldn't put my finger on. Later that day, he told me that he had served in the military for two years and during that time experience horrific events that he still relives on a daily basis. He said that he cut out everyone from his life, changed his name and moved away from his hometown and now has a service dog to help him when things get bad. That is the reason he needed to be home before the fireworks started because fireworks are a trigger to the memories. He said he had been out now for about three years and has gotten much better after he got his service dog. He was also making a trip back to his home to reconnect with his family. And he is looking more towards his future then reliving his past.

I could tell that it took a lot from him to open up about his PTSD. My heart goes out to him because he is suffering. I am in the medical profession but I do not know much about PTSD or what I can to for this man.

If you just meant your vet with PTSD, would you choose to stand by him? I don't know what to do, I know I can't fix him or what he went through but I also want to do something.

Any advice is much appreciated....

 

[anthony]

Everyone is affected differently. I had PTSD before I met my wife, been together 8 years. There have been some tough times due to PTSD... but we're pretty solid 99% of the time.

People define relationships -- not PTSD. PTSD is just baggage that need be dealt with. The difference is whether a person deals with it, ignores it thinking everything's ok (denial) or has pretty much healed from it. There are different levels... and some people use it as a daily excuse to justify their shitty behaviour, some use it to strengthen themselves and do better as a person, so just struggle along in silence.

PTSD has levels, has severities, and most importantly, all comes down to the individual enduring it.

 

[AngelicaM]

I'm glad you share this information, because it means there is hope. I just feel that most of the time it requires a lot of patient, love and understanding of what's going on.
I've been with my bf for 7 months and he is the most loyal, lovely man I have ever met in my life. He tells me I am the reason for him to get up out of bed and the person who makes his life possible. But as a today it has been two weeks and one day I haven't seen him, communication scarcely to none. It hurst me a lot not being able to be with him when he most needs me, I know he does, but his big man who doesn't let me in, he gets not only mentally sick but physically too, and he can't allow himself to let me see him that way. Sometimes I feel he doesn't love me, but when I remember how just days ago he will hug me on his sleep and kiss me and tell me I'm the wold to him, I know then, he does love me.
For now I just decided to give him space and try not to contact him until he is ready to come back to me again. Love can with everything, and With Gods help I know things will get better. I will just keep getting myself inform and get straight from God, because I won't give up on this amazing man, I will stand up by him, because he is worth it. I love him and I know together lil by lil we will overcome this.
He told me several times, I know it's possible to be better, because you believe in me, because you think its possible.

Dear myvetswife,
This is a huge sign of hope for me. I can't sleep tonight. Woke up came to my computer an...

 

[AngelicaM]

From reading through this forum, it seems to be a constant theme of PTSD sufferers pulling away and being distant. I g...

if there was such a pill I will be one of the first ones in line to get it