Give Up Control - To Let People In?

[Anrish]

@Lilith Jane : Thank you for sharing. I already do Yoga - so your advice shows me that I'm on the right way. ...since I don't like smelling stuff, I won't do the oil. ...but I will take a look to the recommended book, it really sounds very helpful. :):bookworm:

@The Albatross Thank you for making me think about this. I only have the control on my own actions.

@Missycat : Thank you. It calms me that I'm not the only one who uses music that way. I never leave the house without my MP3 device but people also complained that I would shut them out. :confused:

The meeting will be on 8th December - it's the christmas party of our local prosecutor's office. I'm a bit nervous because I work with them everyday...but never see them. I don't want to leave a bad impression. :eek:

@She Cat : That sounds much more positive, so thank you for sharing. :)

@EveHarrington : Thank you for your suggestions. The rinse and repeat is a wonderful way of saying it. :notworthy:

@Friday : I understand what you mean - and I also have people I see everyday who don't know me at all ...but there are some I would like to trust and I would like to get closer to - but I just cannot get over the wall I built around myself. :ninja: ...thank you for your honesty and sharing. :hug:

@recoveringfromptsd : Thank you for sharing. :notworthy: ...I can relate to your description - especially failures hit me extremely hard and I tend to hide even more....:(

 

[Friday]

Out of curiosity... Is that wall entirely about not trusting others?

Asking because my own walls are the strongest, when I don't trust myself.

If I'm not trusting myself to make good judgements, or to maintain my boundaries, or to not get too attached, or not lose my temper, or any version of 'I don't trust myself in this situation' ... Then I'm actually looking at a double wall. It's not just about learning to trust others, but also about learning to trust myself.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

The desire to have control over a situation is normal, especially when you don't know how another person will react. However, it's always important to remember that we as people, never have control over others. Sometimes, we hear things from them we don't want to hear - that's unfortunate, but the best thing you can do is assert boundaries and have control over yourself, rather than something undefined. (ei: a conversation, for instance.)

A thought that I typically like thinking in order to open up to others is like this: I am the dam controlling the water's flow. I am not able to control water itself - water is its own entity, much like conversations and people are independant of a 'strict' meaning of control. By no means do I trust water - water is seperate from me and does whatever the hell it wants. In heat, it evaporates, and in the cold it freezes, and sometimes it falls from the sky. How bullshit is that? It's scary to interact with water, because I can't control it. However, I CAN control myself, and heck, I can even control flow of water too. I'm not going to suddenly explode if I let water rush through me - I am a dam, I can just close the flow if I so please.

This basically reminds me that even 'flowing' conversations that dive into personal matters, I still have control over. It reminds me of my boundaries and also allows for both control, AND flow in my life. If I want to confess someone a small detail of my personal life, I don't have to tell them any more than I want to, and I can easily walk away if I feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's a weird metaphor, but it's always helped me and I thought I'd share it anyway.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Anrish I made a decision as a result of this thread in relation to my own trust issues, my walls, and my control of whats around me to feel safe in my moment and place, while sometimes my control of things is warranted, there are times where it is not, and that I can change by becoming self aware of when I do it. And so I am now going to try to recognize situations either before or after the fact where I could have let the control go, and will be writing about my efforts in my journal.

 

[Gs172003]

Getting closer to people means to trust them - and it means to give up control at the same time.

I got...

I'm not sure I'd stay with a therapist that tells a person with PTSD to drink. But that's just me. That said..I wish I had an answer for you. I have NO friends outside of work. I'm sorry this is so hard for you.