Giving Up

[pi314159]

I don't think I can fight how messed up my thoughts are. I feel like I'm wasting my money and my therapists time.

I think I'm happy to be miserable. Half the time miserable makes me happy anyway!

 

[healingangel90]

I'm sorry Pi. I know exactly how you feel, since I probably say this to myself multiple times every day. Sometimes it's hard to fight off or let go of bad thoughts, but that's because they've been a part of you for so long. It doesn't feel natural to just let them go.

I'm sure you know therapy can be a two steps forward, one step back type of process. Maybe you could try to focus on all the good things that have come from therapy, no matter how small. If you keep taking steps, all of these little good changes will keep adding up.

Hang in there <3 Let me know if you need somebody to talk to.

 

[Ted Moen]

Awwww Pi, a friend of mine used to ask me why I listen to those sad songs all the time. There is just something about the sound of a steel guitar that goes to the core of some of the passing moods for me. I just close my eyes and let the music and mood work it's way through. And when I start to notice how many times I have just listened to the same songs, I know the mood is passing and it is time to get back to behaving appropriately in my current situation.

So find a safe place to let the old stuff pass. It's ok. You are safe. And when the sad mood passes, things will feel less futile. And let your therapists determine when you are wasting their time. That's their job.

Ted

 

[stormy]

I don't think I can fight how messed up my thoughts are. I feel like I'm wasting my money and my therapists time.

I think I'm happy to be miserable. Half the time miserable makes me happy anyway!

Pi I am so sorry that you feel this way. I too, feel much of the time the very same way.
Might I say that I am sure you are not happy being miserable, I think perhaps you know no other way.
I can absolutely relate as I'm sure many others on this forum can.

Personally, I keep wondering why I would continue with therapy it only makes me worse, and avoid it, or atleast talking about my real issues much of the time. But, I don't think that means we like being miserable or that we are wasting our money or time, because atleast we are trying.

Although I am at the very beginning and not making much progress myself I still understand the rut that you are in. I have every faith that you are in the right place for you at the moment.
Hang in there. I am thinking of you!