Going Back To My Abuser

[Deleted member 38644]

I as well have obsessive compulsive disorder and repetitive disorder and it's hard. I feel at home with my abusers and it's all I know. I went back to my ex who cheated on me. It's like a never ending problem that you can't shake. I feel you better off because the same abuse is nothing but home to you and that's all you know when you shouldn't

 

[Friday]

Over the past few months you've moved from abusive dad to abusive mom to abusive ex.

If you can't afford to live on your own, maybe a domestic violence shelter? Somewhere to help you learn how to live life without living with abusers?

 

[walksthrufire]

I felt the need to be the bearer of bad news and put a reminder there that you are can find an abuser anywhere you go in life. But it doesn't have to be the same one. The people that know you will be the ones to use that to get under your skin as abusers, they'll take advantage of the positive emotional ties in a relationship to use you and push you back down. And it can still happen anywhere with anyone. I stand during these things, I show my abusers they have hurt me (because often the abuser wants to feel what they do is okay) not only that but I tell them exactly what it is that actually hurts me so those little ***** can't get a way with thinking they have any more power over me than they do. To take the power from your abuser you have to know them and also yourself. Over time you subtly or not empower yourself, not just by disabling your abuser, but by not allowing the abuse itself to have power over you.

A wider support network is always a good idea also.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

Over the past few months you've moved from abusive dad to abusive mom to abusive ex.

If you can't affo...

I wasn't referring to this kind of matter

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I felt the need to be the bearer of bad news and put a reminder there that you are can find an ab...

Thank you

 

[Deleted member 38644]

Over the past few months you've moved from abusive dad to abusive mom to abusive ex.

If you can't affo...

Yes maybe you watched me move from abusive mom to abusive dad but I'm not referring to this kind of abuse. It's not about me living on my own because I can handle living on my own. Obsession compulsive disorder and repetition disorder is something I can't cure overnight nor instantly. It's like a pattern of behavior I'm not aware of that I'm doing.

 

[Friday]

I never said anything could be cured overnight or instantly.

Even without PTSD or OCD, when all one has known is abuse, as you said that's all one knows. How to live without abuse? How to not accept that as normal? Is something that has to be learned. But it's not something that can be learned in an abusive environment. Add in disorders which drive you to seek out and repeat patterns? That would go by x1000. Be even more important, to either live on your own, or in transitional housing designed to help people live away from abuse & abusers, not less.

I went back to my ex who cheated on me

^^^ My apologies if I misunderstood that as being something you just did, instead of something you did in the past. Present or past, though, it's part of the overall pattern, yes? Which I thought was what you were talking about; how to break the pattern of living with abusers / moving from abuser to abuser.

 

[Freedomfighter]

A victim can be controlled mentally by a skillful abuser. And it is tough to deal with that, similar to a child that a predator wants to show a puppy or kitten to.

To get away from abusers and to stay away is a huge battle. You will need more strength to get away from them.

 

[Gamera3000]

It's difficult to talk about this. I was in an abusive relationship for nine years with one of my family members. It took me a long time to get away. Just because he would ask me to come see him and somehow I was compelled to do it. I don't know why. My feelings just shut off and I would do whatever he asked. I am known for being a strong-willed, independent person in my regular life.

I had told a therapist or two about it and they just jotted the information down, told me it was a bad idea. The way I finally got out of it was by telling my best friend. She was horrified, very sad, disgusted. She cried. She loved me and I loved her- like sisters, you know? Like you are with a best friend. Seeing her very honest reaction about what was happening to me made me see what I could not feel for myself. That's how I would feel if it had been happening to her. I would kill someone who did that to her. I felt nothing as it was happening to me. After telling her I did go back one time, after he asked me, but her reaction to that helped me find the strength to get away for good.

I could not do that to her. I could not let myself be hurt because it hurt her.