Sufferer Gsw To Face. It's Been Hard.

[Citizen PTSD]

Last year my girlfriend (now ex gf) hit me with my truck and shot me in the face in the same night. We still have not went to trial over the "assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill with the intent to kill/cause bodily harm charge." It's been about 14 months since that night. Which to me has been a complete letdown of our justice system. Almost to the point of hating society completely. She walks free at the moment while it's hard for me to even eat a damn cheeseburger. My jaw/mouth constantly hurt, I have facial paralysis on one side and I am 100% deaf in one ear and last but not least loosing vision in one eye. I spent more time in the hospital than she did in jail. Here in the past few months I have been having episodes of intense anger to the point of rage, Depression, Anxiety, and worse of all relationship issues. Any advice other than meds and counciling? I have already tried both of these but neither seem to help. Somehow I really don't look that bad though. I guess I got super lucky. Most people just think I have a lazy eye now bc I grow out my facial hair to cover the entry wound and 8 inch surgical scar.
Anyways, I'm terrified that I will loose my new girlfriend of 8 months because of these/my issues.

 

[honeypie058]

I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been awful and extremely painful to experience that kind of violence from someone you trusted. I relate to the raging part, my husband choked me during a psychotic episode and the anger is the hardest thing to conquer.

It took me three years and many programs later to realize that I needed specialized trauma therapy. I know you say it didn't work but maybe you can try it again with the trauma therapy. If that is still not something you want try right now, I recommend reading books that explain PTSD and how it affects a person with trauma. It gives you some coping skills to help you through the tough times. Reading calms me down as well and I believe knowledge is power.

I hope this might help a little and I send you good wishes while you wait for the justice system to come through for you.

 

[The Albatross]

Well, peer support helps a lot too... welcome to the forum. Expressing what you're thinking and feeling here at the forum can ease some of the burden off of your relationship. I understand what you say about being angry at the justice system... how long it can take, and that the perpetrator can be seemingly afforded more during the process than the victim.

 

[Deadman]

@Citizen PTSD are you still going to therapy and taking your meds? Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? I ask because at this point you could be suffering from PTS. If that is the case you have the chance to head it off before it becomes PTSD. You have enough health issues already. No need to jump on the PTSD bus if you don't have to.

 

[Citizen PTSD]

@Citizen PTSD are you still going to therapy and taking your meds? Have you been dia...

Yes I was diagnosed with ptsd almost a year ago. And yeah I still take my meds and go to therapy but over the last few months have gotten so out of control for me

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you let your fingers do the walking and found some peer support.

 

[Citizen PTSD]

I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been awful and extremely painful to experience tha...

I did a ptsd specialized therapy for about 7 weeks from a war vet here in town. He isn't technically a therapist but does suffer from ptsd and helps many people in my commmunity cope with theirs. And I've tried many psychiatrist and psychologist and the specialized program does help more. I'm starting up the program again this week.
I really do feel bad for my gf because I'm sure she gets a lot of my displaced anger. And she doesn't seem to understand the trigger thing. She is a nice girl and very beautiful but can be insesitive with the things she says sometimes. I don't want her to move out but if she can't start to understand my triggers, I don't think we can be together anymore. I love her and want her to stay but it's selfish to mess up someone else's life just to keep them in ur own. What should I do?

 

[Deadman]

I'm glad you are still going to therapy and taking your meds. It might not seem like it but they do help.

Like you I felt out of control and full of rage. I constantly worried that I would snap and hurt someone. I recommend finding some safe outlet for that anger so you don't turn it inward on yourself. Try hitting a heavy bag or lifting weights. Whatever works for you.

The is nothing wrong with anger. Many people see it as a negative emotion and it can be if it goes in a bad direction. Anger can also be positive. It can motivate you to fight, to make change. Use it to move you forward.

I know you are worried about your GF but the best thing you can do for her is help yourself.

 

[Citizen PTSD]

Well, peer support helps a lot too... welcome to the forum. Expressing what you're thinking and f...

I'm glad you are still going to therapy and taking your meds. It might not seem like it but they do hel...

That's a really solid point on the anger issue. I'll try my best to use it in a positive manner like starting to lift again. Just got to wait on my hand's to heal up, I tend to hit things like wooden posts outside my house bc I don't really wanna break anything inside. But a punching bag would be a good idea.

 

[The Albatross]

Far and away better than wooden posts I expect. Punching or a body bag, Yeah.

 

[Deadman]

I tend to hit things like wooden posts outside my house

Yup. I hit trees and things for a while. It was better than hitting someone but not very good for the hands.

 

[Citizen PTSD]

Thanks for posts guys. The fact that u guys even responded to my thread, give's me hope that people still do care. Idk if I'm ready but I would like to help others; I feel talking on here has helped me tremendously. I feel better than I did last night, while posting my first thread.