Has Anyone Else Been Angry With God?

[Will86]

You come up with the wrong conclusion when you say ''I'm a bad person for being angry with god''.

It should be a question: ''Am I a bad person for being angry with god?''

Absolutely not. From what I gathered from religion so far, god will always forgive you, especially if you are a good person and make sure to spread love and kindness to those around you. It's impossible not to sin but god forgives as long as you haven't killed or did something else that can be considered as a crime.

Was the abuse your fault ?

Absolutely not. Don't let those negative voices get inside your mind or it will consume you.

What I love the most about religion is this message: ''forgive to those who have hurt you.''
Even if it is extremely hard, it is only by forgiving this devil who has hurt you that you will be able to ''move on'' and rebuild yourself entirely.
Once again, I'm not a believer but religion is a therapy in itself and it is full of great advices like this one. It really works.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I went through a period where I was very angry with God. I'm a Christian and thought it was sacrilegious t...

Absolutely - I love God and I pretty much as of late - stay mad at Him.

 

[Lolo]

I feel so stupid. I talked to my pastor this morning. He is absolutely amazing. He always makes so much sense. I feel stupid because I can't stop blaming myself for my abuse. I know that it is in no way my fault. I just can't get this circle of thought out of my head. If you have any suggestions, I could really use them

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I feel so stupid. I talked to my pastor this morning. He is absolutely amazing. He always makes so much...

@Lolo and why do you feel it is your fault, if you don't mind my asking? And what type of abuse? Physical, verbal, sexual, or all? And one other question I pray you won't mind since you have posted and asked for suggestions - I would like a little more information, please - and at what age did your abuse occur? I care or I would never ever risk in asking such personal questions.

Here in this forum it is a safe place to talk about sad and unsavory, even horrid abuse. Hope you will answer, and not be mad for me asking these questions to know more about your abuse and why you are believing abuse is your fault. JadesJewel

 

[Friday]

I can't really imagine anyone who would let their own son be tortured to death would be overly invested in my problems.

Nor that flooding the world, or destroying whole cities, is exactly the toolset I need in order to solve my own problems. Something a bit more precise is generally called for.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

ABSOLUTELY.
I call it "getting ill" when my CPTSD flared up more acutely than ever before last fa...

@SophiaWisdom - thank you. JJ

 

[Tinyflame]

I would say I've felt abandoned by God, or felt it abusive, but not angry in response to that, how can one be angry at not being wanted, or not having 'worth'? Though the self-condemnation at my ingratitude, and fear follows. Along with hopelessness.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I'm very involved with my current church. I believe that going to church is what triggered my PTSD. I hadn...

This is exactly what happened to me - and it was the best thing to happen to me.

I was functioning until I became a believer then suddenly God put me in an environment safe enough to deal with my trauma. I didn't know he was doing this, but all at once I did these few things:

1) I enrolled myself in some healing ministries
2) I began to work on a novel that dealt with what my mother did to me from childhood through adulthood
3) I started admitting openly the sexual component of her abuse

When my CPTSD flared up to the point where I couldn't drive or work or stop shaking all the time, my church stepped up to save my life. 80% of my social group abandoned me, but my church drove to my house to pick me up, made sure I had food and medicine, and once when I collapsed at church out of hunger and trauma two women spoon fed me and covered me in jackets until I recovered.

This has been the worst 3 months of my life but someone from another church recovery small group said, "It's because your body knows its safe now to go through this."

The leader of that group recommended EMDR, and another person at my churchwith PTSD had gone through that as well, both to great success, so I found one through one difficult week and within our first meeting my life improved drastically. I also joined a Christian version of 12-step and it's also a safe place to worship and cry.

So yes, coming to Christ pushed me over the edge, and simultaneously provided the resources and family I needed to get through this. One thing my friend says is to find your tribe. I am connected to about 7 churches in the area and each provides something different.

I am praying for the right resources to come to you, for restoration, and to cry out in the middle of the night to Him.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Oh and there's a devotional (if you like the Word) I'm reading written by a very famous devotional-series writer during her three-year time with chronic illness (her is Lyme disease). Her name is Sarah Young you probably have heard of her or know it already but the devotional in question is #2 in the series: Jesus Today and it is not some fake happy devotional, it literally speaks to what it's like to have to grapple with hope when all you want to do is lay down and die (which I have felt CONSTANTLY during this illness.)

 

[Lolo]

Thank you for your support. I believe that church was part of my trauma, part of my trigger, and part of my recovery. I believe I was raped by my minister when I was 3 (I'm not positive because I'm relying on the broken memories of a traumatized 3-year-old and I just remembered most of it 2 years ago). I feel like it's my fault because I wandered away from the group (I was in preschool at the time). I know that that it wasn't my fault. At the age of 3 I couldn't have possibly known that would have happened. I don't understand how God could allow something like that to happen. I also feel like I shouldn't have allowed something like that to happen. I'm having trouble putting the blame on my abuser. I feel pity towards him. I feel stupid and empty. Why can't I place the blame where it should be?

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Thank you for your support. I believe that church was part of my trauma, part of my trigger, and part of m...

I know. I've thought the exact same. "If you're all powerful, how could you allow this to happen? Why wouldn't you stop it?" And the only way I got an answer was to call my friend (who's often a church mentor) who is only 9 years older than me but has a seminary degree and read the bible in all 3 ancient languages and is also very liberal and was raped when she was 19 and also had to go through EMDR but ended up with postpartum after her triggering pregnancy. She gets it.

I'd gotten as far as knowing that God isn't the one doing these things - HUMANS are. REally fflawed humans. Sometimes really evil humans. Sometimes demonic evil in general. That's what's doing these things to us that is so unfair and so not ok.

Which means it's not that God is allowing evil, but God is allowing free will and some humans are using it for evil. It changed the question for me.

So I called her and asked her,

"Why can't He just make us love automatons so all we do is Love and obey and do good things all day long - after all, shouldn't we be in His image?"

And she said, "We were. In the garden of Eden that's how we were, but the Fall happened. Because if we are truly in God's image, we were also set free, we were loved enough to be set free like God makes choices and we made the choice to eat the apple and see."

I've also asked my recovery group leader who also went through EMDR about this:

And she reminded me that love doens't work that way. That's not real love if we just all were forced to do good things to each other all the time. That's either animalistic or robotic. Love is truly love when it is a choice. That is the choice we have chosen when we became Christians. And we feel the pain of this choice every day because we have to choose this horrible, burdensome cross, in the face of a world that isn't playing fair, that isn't being loving or kind, that hurts us irreparably sometimes, and even wants to kill and destroy us.

We made this choice.

And there's a reason we are still living this way. At base we do believe in love, we do believe we are loved, or even if we can't feel it, we WANT to believe it. Belief is not feelings. Faith is not predicated upon seeing. That's how the world operates. Not us. We made this choice to love in the face of evil. And those of us who are abused Christians must start with the one he has for us, the one we must receive.

I honor that you made this difficult choice. I suffer under it, but I also know this is better and lighter and the brighter path than the alternative. Why? Because I lived it. I was an atheist for over 2 decades, and only a Christian a little over a year. And I already have been able to do things, break addictions, and find a family in a way I couldn't on my own. So I continue to make this choice.

I know this is how love works. With choice. I can guard the gates to my thoughts, my boundaries. He's given us the authority to do this. He's given us the love and the right to make this choice. We can do it.

 

[Lolo]

I know. I've thought the exact same. "If you're all powerful, how could you allow this to happen?...

Thank you. This is very similar to what my pastor said yesterday. I'm very slow at processing emotional information. Maybe I just need to allow myself time to process.