Has Anyone Else Been Angry With God?

[Heather]

I'm split.

I hate god for all the things that hasve happened in my past and over the last year.

But I feel grateful to him for all the good things that have happened recently. I've even prayed. I didn't say it was god that was listening but the angels that made things cha he for the better.

 

[ground crew]

So i am not sure why i was so mad at God, except thst i was raised by parents strong in the church. Mom also had rage issues, which could be where i learnd it. And they would tell me about all this next life stuff... We were at church 5 times a week.

When i left for the service, i decided i would be sleeping in on sundays. At some point, i got involved with churchy group out of the mainstream. Some would call it a cult. Pentecostal evangelicals with a prosperity doctrine... For a variety if reasons including theastic paridox, i could not speak in tonges and so was rejected by the group. And my folks had all but disowned me cause tough love is how you deal with this. Maybe that was it.

The anger subsided when i found Unitarian universalism. Not a cult but a liberal community of faith inclusive of all faiths. It was healing for me. I realized the prople were deluded with their faith but it is a healthy delusion. The individual reflects god, not the leader of the faith who is often flawed as or more than me. In the people their is love and healing. In the dogma there is hate and harm. I think god is in the people, not a book or a building. But i was not assaulted in a church. Your takeaway may be different.

 

[Nevermore]

I don't believe in the same God I used to believe in, but yes I was very angry at that God - the one I believed could have helped me or prevented this from happening.
Then I got angry at Christians who seemed to think that bad things happen only to bad people, therefore I must be s bad person. I saw that attitude as cruel and self serving (still do).
I believe in something. A power greater than me, but I very much doubt anyone on this planet truly understands that greater power enough to preach to others.
That God I am grateful to for creating the beauty on this planet, and that God I am sure weeps alongside all those who are sad and suffering. That God does not judge or place any person higher than another, but that God has no control
Over what human beings choose to do.
That's the God I can believe in and there is no church that contains that God because churches are man made, and being man made the

Oops - I meant to edit that and hadn't finished!
But anyway, to continue the rant / being man made thru can only be faulty.
Religion means nothing to me. God is something different, I think

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My entire life and still am and still wish I could take a baseball to "god's" head (sorry).

I grew up in a cult where I was tortured "because god said to". I gave "god" a chance when I was 13. Took what was said to me, "god will protect you" literally. "He" didn't. It got worse. I took that bible and ripped it up in a millon pieces (which takes a ton of rage, thats a big book) and threw myself in the cult and did everything willingly after that.

I'm 35 now, 36 in April. Through the years I have tried to untangle this "god stuff" mess. Literally over 30 pastors later (some doing exercisiums and some having sex with me...most giving up on me) and I can't untangle it so I stay hating "him" and being very confused.

I suppose it was an amazing thing that I ended up being forced into therapy and referred to my PDoc's office to end up with the only male LMHC at the time (my therapist) whom is also an ordinaed minister. Its a secular PDoc's office but we have had our share of "god talk". So he will hopefully eventually help me to be less confused and full of hatred toward this "god" but for now i shall be what i am. Confused and full of hatred.

Hopefully that made sense and wasnt too long.

 

[LilacFaerie]

It's impossible not to sin but god forgives as long as you haven't killed or did something else that can be considered as a crime.

I can't emphasize this enough: God forgives ALL confessed sin for Christians as long as we truly repent and turn from that sin. The Bible/Jesus teaches that if we feel hate towards another then we have committed murder. Feel lust for another while in the bonds of marriage? Adultery. Just as if it'd actually happened.

God can and WILL forgive it ALL. Crime does not exclude anyone from God's forgiveness if true repentance takes place and we ask it of our Father. He died on the cross for all sin for all time. That's what makes his sacrifice so stunning and complete.

 

[Sweet_E]

I went through a period where I was very angry with God. I'm a Christian and thought it was sacrilegious t...

It's so understandable you'd be angry with God. I say don't feel bad about feeling that way. God understands and can handle it. You need to process how you feel in your own way.

For me, my abuse was done by someone outside of the church, and it was people within the church who helped me. My experience prompted me to want to go to Bible college because I wanted to pay forward the kindness that was shown to me.

The theological question of why God allows evil is addressed by a topic called Theodicy. If you really wanted to explore what theologians and philosophers have constructed, you could do an online search for that term. To be honest, I never heard a theory or explanation during my studies that resonated with me. The topic merely justified to me why some people are atheists, rather than the usual "atheists don't believe in God because they prefer sin" rhetoric.

I did become an atheist in Bible college due to some issues unrelated to the problem of evil/suffering. About 15 years later, I gradually came to believe in a higher power and now very loosely identify with being a Christian.

I am now reading the Bible with a completely different perspective, reading it with an open heart, and not from my analytical brain. I recognize that the scriptures were written in a different language and within a completely different context. The majority of what I have been taught about the interpretation of scripture could possibly be wrong, so I am letting scripture speak to my heart. The messages I am hearing in my heart are much different than what I've been taught in church and Bible college.

I have tried to find meaning in what happened to me. I found an explanation within myself that resonates with me, that might not line up with what the church has taught me, but it's my inner truth...

What I am about to write does not mean I condone abuse. It is how I personally found meaning in my suffering.

As crazy as this sounds, I believe that before I was born, I chose to experience life in a way that could potentially subject me to the abuse I experienced. I wanted to take that risk so that I could learn forgiveness and healing. I believe as heinous as the abuse was, it was that suffering that made me so kind-hearted and empathetic. I never knew I could forgive my perpetrator but I did. I'm now in the process of healing and writing a book based on my experience with PTSD that I think will help others.

You have every right to be angry. Anger is considered to be "a higher vibration" emotion than helplessness or depression, so you've got that going for you. Anger is also referred to as a secondary emotion. It's the response to another underlying emotion. So the abuse may have caused a certain emotion and because of that you feel angry. What is the underlying emotion?

Anyway, for me personally, being completely stuck in my head and analyzing difficult questions had their place in my journey but could only take me so far. After a while I realized it was better to follow my heart, not my thoughts. The thoughts and analysis were often a distraction from giving my heart what it truly needed. I sometimes had to tell my mind, "Good question. It's okay that I don't know the answer right now" and to cater to my wounded heart instead.

 

[RumblePie]

I went through a period where I was very angry with God. I'm a Christian and thought it was sacrilegious t...

Hi, yes, and it's partly because I thought I was blameless in everything... or nearly everything ... but my pride is obvious, huh. Anyway, I need balance. I need to see that left to my own 'rewards' I would have been hurt way more and lived in a crazier environment, by 100x. I have to see that God keeps the lid on my own evil from affecting myself, and more importantly, others. He keeps other's evil damped down, too. Can you see Jesus there in your soul keeping you from further harm than you experienced? A great fear of mine is that I would pass on the boundary-breaking issues that had been dealt/taught to me. I can only thank Him that my damage to others (in things I hardly know, even) had been held to a minimum. I had been molested by my brother over a period of more than 2 years. I would lie awake to try to catch him so I could turn him in, but he managed to do most of it with me sleeping, finding him when I woke up, sneaking around my bed, etc. It was terror.

I believed in God and Jesus more as I got older.
I was so angry about my divorce and finding myself poor, rejected, "kicked to the curb," as I called it. I was angry 16 years. I was divorced for loving God! Of course the ex went on wealthy, married, living some ecstatic life. The Lord will deal with him.
Life hurts. I have had to imagine my hope (which is a big, empty, black speech-balloon, in my mind, like a cartoon character's speech) as an empty thing. I have had to see my anger and grief. I have had to imagine Christ filling it. I have lost my own ability to fill it. I know we're supposed to have a measure of faith. I can't see mine. So I imagine Christ doing the work to fill that too. Everything. I have nothing to offer Him sometimes and nothing to offer the world most all the time. Amy

 

[FireSign8]

I stopped believing in fairy tales & the people who blindly obeyed words that they had no idea of the original meaning that those words & stories were meant to portray. I became a leader & I stand knowing I will live & die as one with whatever created me. For lack of a better word, I refer to myself as an atheist.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I can't emphasize this enough: God forgives ALL confessed sin for Christians as long as we truly re...

That is true, I believe, but I can't help but wonder and wish for my rapist to not be forgiven. Of course, that is between him and God, and the fact that he "blacked out and didn't remember any of it, " will God fill him in on the details some day?

 

[Lolo]

I have an update. I talked to my small group Thursday night. I let out all of my thoughts and feelings about this topic. It was very cathartic. I'm not the only one in my group who has these feelings. It made me feel less alone. I know that many of you have turned from God or towards Him because of your suffering. I've done both. I have to admit I feel much better turning towards God now that I have a church that doesn't judge me. I finally found a place that allows misfit Christians. I can be completely honest about how I feel and have a group of people who love and support me even when I make poor choices. I love God even when I'm angry at Him. I just need to figure out how to place blame where it should be. Thank you for your continued support and advice.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I finally found a place that allows misfit Christians.

Thats awesome and weird at the same time. Weird because what so many churches don't realize is all Christians are "misfit Christians" due to being human. And, though I am not a Christian, I always had this thought of how must the "real god" be and I always thought the "he" knows whats in your heart. So if you are like myself and all messed up and confused due to how I grew up, "he" knows that and understands that. May be sitting and waiting for me? But I can't see punishment by the way of hell due to it, as my family says.

Sadly, many churches miss the mark in so many ways. I'm really glad you found a good one though! It's so good that we feel understood and accepted and not alone!

 

[LilacFaerie]

Churches should be spiritual hospitals not a forum in which only perfect and fake people go to show off. It is sad that a good church is so hard to find.