Has Anyone Else Experienced This?

[KwanYingirl]

@FindingMyself88
You have a lot going on. Bristol is your service dog right? I hope everything will be ok. I also have a therapy dog, Annie. She has Addison's Disease and Celiac Disease.

If someone had a workshop or a six week class in grounding techniques, I would love that. Dissociating is so automatic with me. My T said the same thing about me and EMDR. I'm putting that on the back burner.

He can watch it happen and usually he uses his arms and waves at me and says "stay here Judy" "come back Judy" and it sounds like he's got a bell jar over his head. He sounds a hundred miles away.

After that he explains for the umpteenth time that triggers start in the head but it's the body that goes into flight. Fight, or freeze. Then he gets me engaging in activities for the senses. I'm supposed to work hard at practicing this.

I am mostly non compliment with this skill. I like dissociating. I think it prevents the terrifying intrusive memories. I just zone out for awhile. It's embarrassing sometimes.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@KwanYingirl Yes, she is my Service Dog in Training. She is okay, we had to have her tail docked off because she had what is called "Happy Tail Syndrome" Where she wagged it so hard constantly and hit it on things that it actually damaged the tail. Aw poor baby. Thankfully, otherwise Bristol is a perfectly healthy 20 month old.

See my T sessions have been like that up until now. I started seeing this T at the beginning of April after my suicide attempt in March. Within the first 1-2 sessions she said we would eventually do EMDR probably. So every session we would end with her giving me a new grounding or coping skill. Some have worked, some haven't.

I have dissociated a few times in therapy, but not often. My T is my only safe person right now and I try not to dissociate with her, so I bring things like my grounding rock and rubber bands with me to session. She also in return will keep reminding me that I am in a safe place and that she is with me whenever I am talking about something tough and she sees I am starting to get upset. It has happened though and when it does she says the same things as yours and normally finds something with a lot of texture to put into my hands. My favorite is this little squishy ball that has strings attached to it. Then when that starts helping, she has me to look around her room. Normally every couple of weeks she has changed something small or moved things around and she asks me to try to figure out what it is.

While yes dissociating does block those, it causes them to be worse for me when I do come out of it. Plus it made school impossible last semester and I had to drop out! I would just flat out forget to go to class! This just made my depression worse. I've gotten to the point that I am tired of my life being put on hold. The only one that can do anything about it is me.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes you have to work hard and it sounds like you are getting results!! I'm going to tell my T what yours does changing something in the room. He has me name red things or rocks I am usually staring out the window that is next to his head.

In Boston they sell worry dolls that are a Mexican or Peruvian ritual. You give your worries to the dolls and then you can sleep soundly. I'm going to see if Amazon has some. And he has suggested the rock for a tactile release. But see? I still don't use his suggestions.

Yesterday I finally admitted to him that I am seriously suicidal. If it weren't for Annie well I just know she is my everything and I would just never leave her.

I hope you can get into school next semester. Can you set an alarm on your phone to remind you about classes? School was my sanctuary growing up and even as an adult. I hated vacations which always ended up being brutal attacks at home. My teachers gave me some self esteem. Happy recovery to Bristol!!!

 

[FindingMyself88]

@KwanYingirl let me know what he says! I think you have to take it at your own pace, but do trust that he has your best interest at heart. As my T described with EMDR. It may get worse in the beginning, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to trust them to help us get through that worse spot and towards that light!

Animals are so healing, especially for me. Years ago I had a horse and he kept me from committing suicide. I got Bristol after my suicide attempt. She brings such joy to my life! Keep holding onto Annie :hug: I am here if you need to talk! I am glad you opened up to him about being suicidal. My first T knew that I was suicidal, I even saw her the day I attempted. All she did was give me a distress tolerance sheet and told me to go to the ER if I felt worse. Thankfully my roommate took me after I overdosed on my anxiety meds, but chickened out on the other… I had enough medicine from my head injury to have killed 5 people!

Thank you! I have thought about this, but I think I would just ignore it if I was dissociating. However, Bristol wakes me up around 6:30 every morning, sometimes she allows me to lay back down after going outside until 8. After that though, she keeps me up and doing things throughout the day. If I get still or zone out, she brings her tug rope over and wants to play.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Mmmmm...horses what a centering activity. I just placed my order for inspiration stones and some worry dolls. I think when I go for Reiki next I'll ask her for a crystal to keep in my pocket.

 

[FindingMyself88]

that sounds great! Keep taking steps forward, even if they are small steps! :)