Has Anyone Ever Accused You Of Using Ptsd As An Excuse For Problems In A Relationship?

[HëllaBubz]

Problem. Solved.


If only. :p

 

[Mrs. T]

interesting topic. my H goes quiet instead of angry. He used to get really angry. By the time we met, he would often just walk away (which frustrated me). Now he goes quiet and if I continue talking he doesn't respond...or if I persist (which, thankfully I have learned not to) he will snap at me, sometimes putting me in tears and changing the tone of the whole argument (as mentioned, I've come to understand when to back off and why...if needed, continue conversation later and in a calmer manner). H has CPTSD but was only just diagnosed last Nov. He always knew that some of what he did had to do with his past. I'll admit, at times I thought he should just move on. Thankfully I never admitted it. Now that he has been diagnosed, it makes more sense. He has said a few times that he's not trying to use ptsd as an excuse "...but...".

We don't expect that many people would understand, that why very few people even know about H's ptsd. I don't know if our little secret is a good thing or not. Perhaps once H has become more settled with the diagnosis, he will be more open to others about it...

 

[Red Feather]

And with your friend, she sounds a lot like my father, very negative, if not, must look for something negative to complain about, and no one else's problems are allowed to register, because hers are the only ones that matter in her universe.

lots of hugs sweetie, I get the whole social thing, all my friends have pissed off too, and now if I need help or moral support, I have to pay my cleaner to come in, because she's just as bored and lonely as I am.

Thank you Bubzilla, right now I'm not really at the point where I can feel empathy for her problems. Which is all she really wanted of me probably. I feel forced somehow and hurt. So I guess I should just say the friendship can wait for another day. I found a PTSD group for women. They are startin in June. And then I thought about taking some art classes. Just to get out and talk to people. I don't think PTSD should become an excuse for not being social. I just think that is a really bad idea. It's hard enough as it is. (((hugs back)))

 

[HëllaBubz]

That sounds like a great idea Nadia! I have to admit that I used to be a real chatterbox, but I've since become a bit of a recluse.....there are a few friends that I haven't seen in a while which are kind of like my older sisters (there are 3 sisters), and when I saw them again I did become a little like my old self.....

Mum told me later that my partner turned to her and said in a shocked/disbelieving tone..."but she HATES people, what gives?"

I have to admit I adore those girls to bits and pieces, they bring the sunshine back into my day, and everything goes away for a little bit when I'm with them, and they are one of the few reasons I am tempted out of the house.

 

[frogprincess]

I have friends that do the same things... They are so negative that you could say something positive and they will turn it into a negative statement. I myself have become a recluse, everyone around me is so unhealthy it makes life too hard for me.

I admire both of you for reconizing the negative friend and why they are that way. I've had PTSD since I was 3, but wasn't diagnosed until 2001.

One gift god gave me was to be able to read people, sometimes its not a gift. I've lost really good friends for the same reasons, everything was about them. I hope through out time wqe can all find those special people that are supportive and loving. Cause I am what I am.

 

[Red Feather]

And with your friend, she sounds a lot like my father, very negative, if not, must look for something negative to complain about, and no one else's problems are allowed to register, because hers are the only ones that matter in her universe.

You know, the friend who stopped talking to me. Well we met after I got out of the hospital, and she told me how offended she was that I didn't go with her that day. And then I felt obliged to her to explain why I didn't go. It was acually because I was having really bad thoughts and wasn't well at all, and was on the waiting list to go the hospital. And I told her that and about the PTSD, and then she stopped talking to me. Isn't that even more off? I sometimes think I should to communicate that to her.

 

[crazytrain]

I think people in general are reluctant to talk about things that make them feel uncomfortable. Most of "us" do not feel that way, I would say, because for us completely unhealthy/abnormal/amoral/debilitating/scary/etc.

Images and topics are really not all that unusual. There is a certain exposure/desensitization factor for many of us that is not really the cultural norm.

We live in constant or near-constant fear/anxiety/high alertness, whereas most people do not; when we talk about the trauma and our feelings it makes others have to face their own fears/anxieties, which makes them very uncomfortable. I think the only way to break down this barrier is persistence and education.

We (again the large scale "we") need to educate ourselves about PTSD, which is not hard to do (most of us I am sure are experts in a lot of PTSD areas). The hardest part may be the whole sharing this information with others thing. Not everyone will want to learn more about PTSD and related topics, but finding public venues is not a bad option either.

Things like this forum (thank you Anthony!) and small, local ones, are great ways to spread the word, which always is the key to alleviating the additional traumas of stigma and misperception. It is getting better out there, presumably from the help of the greater awareness of the military PTSD, but for those of us with non-combat I believe there is still a lot of ground to cover.

 

[HëllaBubz]

ahhhh, fruitloops posing as best friends!

and THAT would be why I'm best friends with my partner, cuts all of that crap out!

:D:inlove:

 

[ifeelforyou]

Hello. Recognition to all of you willing to share your stories.

I am looking for help on a particular subject. PTSD causes Guard member of 14 years, two deployments (most recently returned over 1.5 yrs preceding), very successful in life as a teacher and again promoted in the military recently - in charge of students, in charge of service members and millions of $$$ of military equipment... some of his personal issues arise publicly (not yet threatening his careers, and have obviously been present for years and years... if not ever-present), and the idea of 'PTSD' is mentioned in defense to a self-requested, self-researched, long thought over document that ends a parent-child relationship.

Please, please enlighten me on your response to this. You seem to speak of "excuses" to PTSD that may have been entertained for justifications of domestic violence, rage, anger, random acts of blowups or what not [I won't get started on what I would like to know you use as the excuse for the non-veterans that commit these things], but I cannot find anywhere a SUCCESSFUL "veteran" (even completely perfect by military health review standards - deserving of promotions and trustworthy with huge decisions) who has willingly asked to part ways with their child.

Have you???

Thanks in advance. This is a tough one.[DOUBLEPOST=1401412302,1401412231][/DOUBLEPOST]

If I'm able to have a conversation about my awareness of what happened, and how we can prevent it next time, then I think its unfair to expect that my actions in the future could in some way incorporate my actions in the past when I was a zombified wreck, unable to manage anything or care about anything either.

Interesting. What actions did you make while you were "zombified" that you are looking for forgettal of????

 

[Lionheart]

Yes I have been accused of this and was even told that my flashbacks were an excuse as well. I was basically emotionally blackmailed due to my having PTSD and was treated very poorly and really unfairly.

 

[ifeelforyou]

Maybe you missed the question.

What did you DO that you blamed on PTSD???

Yes I have been accused of this and was even told that my flashbacks were an excuse as well. I was basically emotionally blackmailed due to my having PTSD and was treated very poorly and really unfairly.

 

[Lionheart]

I'm sorry I did miss the question and I guess I will have to go back and re-read the original post. I apologize.