Has anyone ever had faith/religion as a part of your healing process?

[Deleted member 37085]

But in addition, has anyone ever found solace, peace, comfort, and/or healing with faith in a God or higher power?

PLEASE NO PERSONAL ATTACKS! THANK YOU.
As of late continuing to go to trinity-based church as have done for most of my life...as drunken sexually, verbally, psychotically abusive father use to drop me and sister off at church house door (he wouldn't come in ever). Due to the totality of extreme violence/abuse I've endured by father, step-f, mother, cha-cha, dean, sister, so many others, am now in mid-interpersonal conflict of questioning who God is and why? why? why? all of this severe sexual abuse/torture/pain all over the world...extreme violence, torture, wars, killings, hurt...death, injustices, inequality, racism, nepotism, narcissism, on and on, etc. As a young girl was introduced to God first in...of all places the f*cking children's home (orphanage); then father did his thang at church house door; then somehow (God?) a missionary named Doris Shover was inserted into me and my sister's life and she took us to church, VBS, etc. Next father married a hun (attila) and she beat/tortured me and sister, and we all went to church...isn't that f*cking special.
Grrr.

I know the bible's answers to these questions and still do not understand how a loving God could not only allow His own Son to die such a vile, cruel nearly unspeakable death and also how the God of my understanding could allow little babies, small children, pubs, adol, adults to be viciously tortured, killed, murdered, etc. In fact I'll take it further back...that in the garden of eden, God could have taken care of sin right then and there..."nipped it in the bud" (as Barney Fife says) and I'm struggling to believe that an omnicient, omnipresent, and omnipotent God is up there with His eyes wide open watching the carnage and debauchery here on earth and could press His reset button, etc. ad nauseum and just passively watches this insanity continue to unfold!

I want to continue to believe in a loving creator...but not one who looks the other way while so much destruction and annihilation continues to take place in the world He created for us...His loving children to live in.

I now am balking at same...and also still have recently so much been cursing at God like a sailor! At times I'm not convinced of the bible's explanations for all of this, yet this day I still (WT?) call myself christian (hard to believe with this mindset). It 's so good to be able to be doggedly honest with myself and here in forum...for I do not like to wear masks anymore...however I'm sure I still have them and just cannot see them (others can perhaps?) and more I pray (yep I still do pray to the God of my confused and bewildered mind's understanding) will be revealed.

So much abuse and I'm so full of extreme rage...and I'm just being honest. In the process of questioning my faith and everything I've been taught for decades to believe about God, Jesus, H.S., right now and screaming out to the God of my understanding...why! why! why?

 

[ILoveLife]

At times I'm not convinced of the bible's explanations for all of this, yet this day I still call myself christian (hard to believe with this mindset).

It's perfectly natural to question your faith in god, gods, belief systems, laws of nature, science, evolution, if reality exists, etc.
Don't beat yourself up for questioning anything, it's the healthier approach. You can still decide to believe a compassionate god exists in all of us anyway, because we all have the capacity for compassion. Or you can choose to walk away from any belief.

I forgot to add to my answer that faith in something larger than "man over nature" is keeping me balanced to not fall into the pits of despair. Somehow it does, but doesn't satisfy my need for answers. That's why I like science :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have found that practicing Buddhism has helped me so much. The responsibility for one's actions, thoughts and words really helps recovery. Meditation helps calm your mind, so in crisis, I am calmer. The fact that you change from within and the pass the goodness to others makes more sense to me than an outside influence coming into me and changing me, and not non believers.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

So much abuse and I'm full of extreme rage. Just being honest. In the process of questioning my faith and everything I've been taught for decades to believe about God, Jesus, H.S., right now and screaming out to the God of my understanding...why! why! why?

I realize that what I am going to say, sounds totally nuts, yet I think questioning everything is right where you need and suppose to be at this time. It was when I had feelings, questions, and rage at everything that I truly began to learn and find out what I did not believe anymore and to take the risk to form my own beliefs based on things that I knew were true.

I wish you well on your search for your own truths. I know it hurts so very much, been there, done that. It is hell to go through the experience of questioning everything. What I failed to realize at the time, was the simple fact that I had been swallowing what others were telling me without having the sense of questioning what they had been saying to me.

I asked the Creator to begin to reveal to me the truth because I was bound and determined to think for myself and examine everything including all of the lies I had been force fed from childhood. It is very painful to go through this and I do understand where you are coming from because I deal with some of the same issues myself.

Since we are always changing, learning, unlearning, and growing our beliefs we form now, really will change as we change and we will know better who we are too in the process.

So keep on questioning. One thing is that I started to stop asking why and learned to ask other better questions in my process. I found asking why had no answers for me. It had become a dead end. I think you are right where you are supposed to be. Nothing wrong with what you are now finding yourself doing.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Appreciate @Rain you sharing what you experienced in childhood (as did I) and that you too have questioned your faith as well. So good to be understood and thus validated by people i.e. yourself who are living with ptsd and somewhat similar (but not exact same) diety and familial circumstances.

Yes, I am changing and definitely growing in ptsd recovery and there's no turning back now. And am unlearning and redefining who I am and what I believe in mid-consciousness and continuing to unlearn/learn about myself, others and who is my Creator, and not what was force-fed to me about a Creator is scary (I was extreme-dogma faith-based indoctrinated).

For me, there's no denying when I look at a ladybug, leaf, a newborn baby, etc. that this world was so intricately and superior-designed by an intelligent power/force definitely infinitely greater than myself which I do believe created and designed this universe and everything in it.

I'm just @Rain so very worn out believing that the God I was taught to love could allow such cruelty to go on and on ad nauseum. Wrestling with this now. And agree that it does seem pointless to question why? yet this is where I presently am...changing...growing...

Good and solid thread @Emily L and thank you for it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

so very worn out believing that the God I was taught to love could allow such cruelty to go on and on ad nauseum. Wrestling with this now.

The god you were taught to love does not exist in the real world. I know, its pretty radical. That is what I found out. The god I was swallowing other beliefs never said anywhere, to forgive and forget. No where. It is all pretty complex. I hope that you can do some self comfort and be gentle on yourself right now. Take a break from it if you can and go back to it later on after you begin to feel better.

It took me years to find what I now believe. Question everyone that sold you snake oil as truth. People were given the gift of free will and it is people that are destroying others with their hatred now. You do not have to believe me. It will be okay. Go ahead and take a break from this if you want to. :hug:

 

[Emily L]

@JadesJewel I feel you with questioning and wondering "WHY?" and wrestling with those things!!! My traumas were all revolving around fear that I blasphemed, and would not be forgiven and sent to hell. I thought there was no forgiving me. I thought my fate was hell and I was terrified. I quit eating. I became malnourished and dehydrated. I hated life but was so afraid to die. Why did God allow that to happen to me? I don't know... Why does God allow evil in this world? I don't know. I wish I had answers.. But I do with a little bit in me hold on to the belief that if you keep faith in our creator, he will use your trauma for his glory! You will be redeemed, you will be healed.. It doesn't always happen on our time.. But when it does happen it is amazing. This is just my belief. I will NOT shove my beliefs down your throat and say you have to believe this. I will keep you in my thoughts JadesJewel!

The god you were taught to love does not exist in the real world. I know, its pretty radical. That is what...

@Rain I don't know how you guys quote things in replies, but I will say I so agree with the statement that we are given free will, and PEOPLE are destroying others with their hatred... VERY deep statement. I wish we could all come together in peace, regardless if you believe in a higher power or not. Very deep thinking Rain!

 

[EveHarrington]

PLEASE NO PERSONAL ATTACKS! THANK YOU.
As of late continuing to go to trinity-based church as have d...

Not an attack, just support.

Man took the concept of God and royally forked it up! I'm a Christian but not one who follows the bible to a T. (My denomination does not believe in this or force this.) It has been important for me to find God on my own and to form my own beliefs. And my beliefs are fairly simple. Maybe God wouldn't seem so bad if you could mentally separate religion from God? Just a thought, no judgement. :hug:

I have found that practicing Buddhism has helped me so much. The responsibility for one's actions, t...

Buddhism rocks! I have found it to be VERY healing and highly recommend at the very least picking up a good book and reading about it.

 

[The Albatross]

Yes, to the question, absolutely.

 

[Beans]

I reread this and the 1st paragraph may not be...super delicately worded, but changing it wouldn't be true to my experience. No attacks but some may want to skip.

Not from God or religion specifically. Most of the God stories just don't jive with me, especially when it comes to the history of a lot of the religions and the immense suffering in the world. To me, there's just no way anyone, especially not a loving omniscient being, with an ounce of love or care would allow the stuff that happens. It's unbelievable there's an entity watching that's just ok with all of this (at least one that cares, suppose there might be an indifferent one.) Btw, I used to believe in God deeply for the first 2 decades of my life, but with faith I had to ignore too many things that just did not make any sense to me. Felt like I was being gaslit tbh.

Now, I have very similar experiences to when i believed in God with aspects of Buddhism. I get my sense of "connection" to the greater world/universe from nature, animals, the essence of life and being(I never said I wasn't airy fairy lol,) my awe at the world and science, the idea of the vastness universe, humanity, creativity, flow and connectedness. I believe all those things, including God and religion, point to a similar experience/feeling of unconditional love and being present that all humans seek no matter the story they find it through.

I can't edit, but I wanted to add- for years I begged God for help (during my trauma and as well as when I tried to recover) so i suppose I tried to include it in my recovery, but nothing ever happened. It wasn't til years later that I started healing from the trauma, but I was long past God by then. Oddly what started my non belief was not my experience of trauma, (which one would think,) but somethng entirely different that got the proverbial ball rolling.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I was raised to be culturally aware of my religion more than I was to practice it. I believed in God because I didn't know you couldn't. When my repressed memories came back in my early 20s I lost all faith that there was a god, that Humanity had any kind of soul, and that organized religion was a joke. This lasted over 20 years.
My husband is a Christian (we've been married 5 years) and has told me bible stories which I knew from either my religious school or plays like Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar. He took me to a church, but it wasn't for me.
Fast forward to May, when I was not doing well, depressed, feeling sorry for myself... I had a vision...a dream.... something where Jesus came to me...please don't laugh. I'm not making this up. He came to me and told me he's the only father I'll ever need. (I am estranged/no contact from my father) it was so beautiful.


2 weeks later, during a bad moment, I decided to pray, and I asked god to give me a sign. That evening I found a plastic fish in my bag. It was never there before and nobody had ever seen it before. There was my sign.

I found a church that we have been going to and I have given my life over to Jesus. I feel a sense of peace that I never have before. I am not fixed, cured or healed, but it has helped in ways I never knew existed.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

It's unbelievable there's an entity watching that's just ok with all of this (at least one that cares, suppose there might be an indifferent one.) Btw, I used to believe in God deeply for the first 2 decades of my life, but with faith I had to ignore too many things that just did not make any sense to me.

I @Beans - am beyond struggling about God right now. The suffering in this world and an all knowing all seeing looking the other way powerful diety - while babies are suffocating in cars, being brutally beaten, tortured, suffocated, molested, sodomized, murdered, etc. and women/men being same, wars, death, and destruction, rampant disease, infections, injuries, illnesses, and on and on well I just don't get it no.

And I know that my childlike little girl ways of thinking about God season have come to an end...and my spiritual shift came after EMDR sessions. The trauma I have endured all on its own did not only cause me to question my spiritual beliefs (but did have weight in this spiritual shifting now), there were so many life experiences, events, people, places, and things that started me a few years ago questioning my belief system (faith). A great culmination of things, life experiences, extreme man's inhumanity to man, on and on then coupled with decades of abuse, well...so seriously questioning my faith now.

I still with what seems like childlike wonderment yet with a more sober, less and less self-guilt, self-shame, centered process am morphing now from being the world's f*cking doormat and pile of poo - slowly and steadily into this woman who is now just beginning to learn how to self-protect, self-nurture (WT?) and also to not allow people (whom I am not close to) to glob their problems onto me and suck my energy bone dry). I just can't afford to play that people-pleasin' game anymore. I am just now beginning to see the damage being done to me when I allow everyone to make me their therapist (which in turn triggers my helplessness and hopelessness). I am now in process of trying to prevent so many people whom I am not close with from again globing their crap (problems all of the time - take, take, take, and no give) and sucking my energy and life force out of me and out of the room. Nope, not havin' it anymore.

I want to be self-content, self-confident, self-reliant and not crippled down with other strangers' problems. And I will no longer be the world's worst therapist and my proverbial psych. couch now is covered (figuratively) with my little girl child within and all of her (figurative) toys, playthings, playmates, etc. I am now learning to self-nurture and not take on the world's expletive freaking problems anymore. And the representation of a God who does nothing to stop the violence, suffering in this world, well I'm not having any of this either. So sick of being blamed for everything! Oh h*ll to the NO!

I am in mid-journey of processing that the Creator of the universe is not a mean look the other way (blame it on His own creation and sin) kind of God. Nope. Though, I am currently still trying to figure out just what the h*ll I do believe about God, and I've taken off my rose-colored glasses, etc. Really good thread @Emily L. I still continue to pray...but the difference now is currently I only pray to the God of my personal understanding...and not the God who does not care about this world and and not the God who blames His creation for the world's (that he created with free will/free choice) problems. No. But, that's as far as I've gotten for now.