Poll Has Ptsd Effected Your Sexual Preferences?

[CraftyCath]

My CPTSD has had no influence on my preference. My trauma happened before I was married and my husband, for 23 years today, has loved me unreservedly all that time. I like men but as my husband was my only boyfriend I find attention from other males confusing. Are they just being nice, complimentary or are they hoping for more? Funny, I was talking with my T about this yesterday. My sex life is great but the meds (SSRI's) do make it 'difficult.' My husband has the patience of a saint and understands me better than I understand myself! Good thing really!

 

[Icon Nikon]

To be honest with myself and all of you, my abuse started when I was an infant. So, Iike many other aspects of "who I am", it is conditionally prefaced on having been abused so young and by both sexes. And therefore, I have no way of knowing "who I would have been" had I never been subjected to such abuse in the first place. A loss that deeply hurts.

With that said, previously I had allows self-identified as "an asexual gay female" (desire, sexual orientation, gender), but that was based on the prevailing definition of gender, which last I read, was being further questioned for the DSM V).

More recently though, the more I think, the more I am confused and conflicted. As is exists now, the socially constructed definition of gender leaves us with a gender binary classification based primarily on "external" physical features, either male or female. However, I believe, as do many others who have argued for DSM changes, that gender relies more heavily on one's "internal" identity and resides along a gender conintuum, ie none of us is either all male or all female, but a beautiful and unique blending of both.

In addition, as is exists today, the socially constructed definition of sexual orientation leaves us with three categorical classifications based primarily on the binary gender of the individual as well as the binary gender that that individual prefers to intimately engaged with, be it straight, bisexual, or gay. However, if, as I believe, gender does reside along a continuum, then so does sexual orientation. So then how do we self-identify "who we are and who we love"? It's not so easy for me to do now as it seemed to be before? - it's much murkier now, but then so are we and our most intimate relationships.

I hope this has not offended anyone, it is only my opinion and my confusion. If yours differs or is less ambiguous than mine, I am sincerely respectful and indeed happy that you know "who you are" - it is significant. So with a little bit of humor and some serious soul searching, I would have to self-identify as "an asexual, who prefers a gender neutral person without a penis, and is a gender neutral person without a penis" (desire, conditional sexual orientation, conditional gender). Wow! :)

All I really know for sure, is that "The quality of the relationship is more important than the gender of the people that comprise it!"

But I haven't answered your question or mine. I do believe, like everything else, that the repeated traumas while young have assuredly altered me, be it directly or indirectly. And by that, I have to assume it may have altered my self-identified gender/preference to some extent, just as it eliminated my desire and influenced the clothes I wear and how I chose to wear them (more masculine than feminine and all covered and buttoned up). However, unlike my desire and my clothes, I do not believe that PTSD has altered my self-identified gender or sexual preference.

Still wondering "who I am"...
Alex (also gender neutral)

 

[Incendiu]

Yeah it probably have...can't say really. But yeah.. in some way it have.

 

[jimmy-joe]

To me, it seems like gender is just a way of telling the, pardon my french, but the slots from the pegs. As in it doesn't extend beyond the physical body parts.

Females tend to have more of this trait, or more of that trait, in the mental aspect, and males tend to have more of this trait, or more of that trait. Beyond that, why try to assign a gender to your mind? That just seems like another way to create a social image to keep people in their places.

"Women act like this, men act like this." It isn't the same across every society. It isn't the same within a society. Who you are isn't determined by your gender. There are women who will tear men to pieces with their bare hands. There are men who burst into tears at the sight of a slapfight. There are women who will throw their babies to the wolves, men who will lift cars to save them.

To me it seems like trying to define your mental gender only adds more confusion. You are who you are, they are who they are.

Because then I would be like 3 women, 400ish It's. And 7 men. Lol just throwing random numbers out but the ratio is about the same.

*so I'm on topic, I was straight till 7th grade, gay, then bi, both cause of teasing, but the teasing wouldn't have mattered without ptsd. Now I'm straight*

You may think peeps can't be sexual that early, but all I can say is, who can tell for sure?

P.S. sorry nikon, your comment intrigued me I put my 2 cents in :p

 

[Icon Nikon]

No apologies needed J-J - you, like everyone, is entitled to their own opinion. But I do appreciate greatly that you did NOT attack mine in the process of presenting yours. It's a sensitive and tough area for me to even approach, let only to put out on this forum, so gentleness is kindly welcomed.

I would like to pose one question, and I do stress the word question. If as you say, gender "doesn't extend beyond the physical body parts" (external element), and females have more feminine qualities and males have more masculine qualities (internal element), then how does one handled it when the "external element" doesn't feel as if it matches the "internal element"? In other words, what does one do when they feel as if they are living in the wrong physical body with the wrong "parts" - when the "parts" just don't feel as if they fit with who they are?

And one historical comment. There are thousands of babies born each year with both female and male "physical body parts". And until recently, medical physicians had, in those cases, decided (and medically altered) those infants' gender based solely and quite "randomly" on the size of the infant's "external penis" - with, in some instances, less than 1/4 of an inch separating female from male, and much pyschological harm done to that child.

Just more food for thought, no judgment whatsoever intended. Like I said in my earlier post, I don't really live in my own body most of the time, so in my mind I am neither externally male or female. All I have for what/who I am is my own internal image of myself, which seemed clearer before than it does now.

Warmly and respectfully presented,
Alex

 

[jimmy-joe]

I didn't actually know about that. That does throw me for a loop :p. As for living in the wrong physical body, other than those circumstances of being born with both parts(which now makes me wonder lol, I always feel a bit more feminine than my fellow men lol), it seems you can generally find a point where they "decided" what gender they are, and usually their environment has been harsh to them for percieved "manly" or "womanly" traits, thus warping their self image.

I feel like I pilot my body a lot, and that I don't look like my body, if that makes any sense, so I can understand some of that.

So I guess that leads to more thinking :p

And since you are you lol, I don't think you would ever attack me lol so don't worry:D, also, I like debate, it exercises the mind and opens the path for new ideas.

No matter how many caps or whatnot I throw in, it is always just a debate, lol sometimes I do get into them :p but in the end, life is life, regardless, so no hard feelings :p.

 

[jo may]

It has only effected that preference in the way that I use to have a very high sex drive. But now I have no sex drive at all and no feelings of that nature towards anyone. I think I safer but I don't understand why.

 

[Rob_Dog19]

It's interesting a lot of you became more asexual out of it. I guess I went the other way and became overly sexual.

It's both for me...lol sometimes even my boyfriend can't keep up with me becuase my sex drive is so off charts. It makes it even worse for him when I go into a depression and don't want to even cuddle with him or look him in the eyes for weeks.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Sex, what's that?

 

[Estacia]

This was a good fourm to read through. I have always been stright. I don't like woman a whole lot due to the mental/physical abuse from my mother. She was my biggest bully in my lifetime.

 

[Rumors]

"Sexuality in humans generates profound emotional and psychological responses. Some theorists identify sexuality as the central source of human personality."

I can identify with what you are feeling somewhat. Intimacy on any level, whether plutonic or sexual, is very scary. I am heterosexual, but I get freaked when I feel like someone is entering the castle and my walls are being taken down. I think "we" tend to sabotage ourselves and our relationships at that point by telling ourselves why someone is bad or why we don't deserve happiness.

All I can say is this is some heavy s*it and I find myself struggling with all of that on a daily basis! Since you know this about yourself, possibly you can explore other ways to handle things? I don't know but if you ever get it figured out, please come back and post the answers!!!!

Best wishes!!!

 

[HëllaBubz]

I've known I am Bi for a long time, however I am in a straight relationship.
I still find women attractive, but I would say that I am more feminine now, and a little more confident in myself in learning where my boundaries are.

I may find myself a teddy bear yet, my partner and I have discussed it.