Poll Has Stubborness Affected Your Healing?

[Cindy]

I realized last week in myT session that my stubborness was in the way of my accepting a new idea and having the willingness to consider it.

After a few days, I can think about it but am still too stubborn to try and apply the concept.

Just curious if anyone else has done this and is there a way to break the barrier?

 

[Claire]

Yes, I am very stubborn. For me the time I had to really give in was when my therapist suggested that I buy a soft toy to help with my sleep/nightmares. I hated the idea with a passion! I wasn't going to do that! the nightmares continued and I thought I'd do anything to stop them, anything. That was when I realised that I wasn't doing 'anything' becuase I wasn't doing what he'd suggested so I swallowed my pride and went and bought one. The toy worked like a treat for a few weeks and the nightmares stopped and still provides comfort at night after the nightmares returned.

That's just one example. I'm still stubborn but I think and at least try to stop getting in my own way all the time. I cant pay for therapy and then ignore everything he suggests. I want to get better!

I strongly believe that stubborness can be an asset. You just have to use it in a positive way.

 

[morgan]

I feel like I am in complete surrender at this point and I try to do most of the things that my therapist suggests. I'm not perfect though and sometimes I forget my "homework" assignments but it is not usually out of stubborness. More like laziness! lol

 

[midi]

I'm just starting! Yes, I'm already being stubborn! Yup. It's mainly avoidance issues, like calling this agency and making appointments for other things. They tell me to do these things and I shut down.

 

[cragger65]

I often see myself as a monkey with his hand in a vase. There is a ball in there that I've latched onto, and as long as I hold onto it, I can't get my hand out of the vase... but still, I won't let go of the ball. Change, I think, even for the positive, is incredibly hard to accept. "I might be miserable, but it's familiar" kind of thing.

 

[TLight]

I've noticed myself stubborningly hanging on to my belief system in therapy, with friends who 'know' about me also..........that same old story........people are bad, evil, selfish.........etc.

I've defended it to no end with my T. She lets me vent, then says.........'not all of them Terri." After 3 years, I find myself slowly letting it sink into me. As I learn about boundaries more..........I think it will sink into me more................I REALLY WANT IT.........

WE HAVE TO REALLY WANT IT GUYS.........don't we? Change, we have to really desparately want change.

 

[cragger65]

The sad truth is, I want change but I don't want to have to suffer for it. It reminds me of a Buddhist saying about two kinds of suffering. One kind of suffering leads to further sufffering and one leads to the end of suffering. Something like that. It's still not easy, patterns go very deep. I think it's a slow process that we each need to persevere at over a deal of time.

 

[Cindy]

Change I agree is the key

Great points! I hope we get more comments to add to the list. It all makes sense. Maybe see the reasons behind it will help to get around it in the future.

I tried quoting the comments - still can't do it. I wanted multiple quotes so I'll paraphrase.

1. Yes - absolutely we have to really want it!

2. Old patterns die hard! You can say that again!!!!!!

3. Avoidance is also an issue. If your not ready you are not ready.

4. One of my favorite sayings is "Change is a process not an event"

As I think back to my session I was bottomed out and my T was little merry sunshine. I just wanted to say get off it. Right then there was no way I would accept or recognize positive flips of my negative perceptions.

I know all if this is brought on by old coping patterns or rather rationalizations regarding why I was victomized. In a way maybe when things aren't going well I return to the victom mentality.

I guess half the battle is recognizing the road block and then trying to get around it somehow.

 

[cragger65]

It's a tough nut to crack, for sure. No one wants to think of themselves as a victim, but that role is a strong siren call. I have felt it many, many times. I was just doing a Cost/Benefit Analysis of something along that line tonight. I've been trying so many alternative approaches, I think it's time for me to revisit good ol' CBT.

 

[Deleted member 1606]

Missing Choice

This poll should have 3 choices.

1. yes, beneficially
2. yes, detrimentally
3. No

 

[Claire]

I dont think its that simple Karma. I couldn't answer it if those were the options because sometimes being stubborn helps and sometimes it gets in the way.

 

[Cindy]

I agree Claire. Sometimes I think just keeping it simple at first with a topic can then lead to extensions such as Karma suggested. But first we need to draw the interest into the topic then we can split it by benefit/loss.