Poll Has Stubborness Affected Your Healing?

[Philippa]

I’m a Capricorn born on the cusp of Aquarius. I used to be into Astrology quite a bit. Seems I’m the stubborn mountain goat climbing sure footed until I reach my goals.

I agree. Stubbornness got me where I am but I have to admit when it came to taking advice from others, it often got in the way. Thankfully, I think I've mellowed out a bit with age. But I can still enjoy my stubbornness. It helps me to create and stick with my own personal rules and boundaries.

Yeah, I'm REALLY bad at taking advice from others, especially when I didn't ask for their advice specifically...I HATE that! it seems so imposing to me...even if they are trying to help, it usually doesn't help me.

 

[Brontie]

Me to until I got some really good advice from a very unexpected source. Now I find it more useful to listen but be more selective about the advice I take onboard.

I’m happy to share information, what others do with it is up to them. I don’t teach and I hope I don’t preach. I just enjoy sharing my discoveries.

 

[Philippa]

Me to until I got some really good advice from a very unexpected source. Now I find it more useful to listen but be more selective about the advice I take onboard.

I’m happy to share information, what others do with it is up to them. I don’t teach and I hope I don’t preach. I just enjoy sharing my discoveries.

I think this is wise. Just because a person offers you advice does not mean they know what you need, and if you take on someones advice when they don't really know what you need, then you may be setting yourself up for even bigger trouble, or it just won't be effective in helping you resolve whatever the issue is. I guess not blindly taking on advice from others is important as well as knowing that, in the end, only you really know what you need. If what someone says resonates with me, then it tells me that it's right for me.

I like to be as self-reliant as possible, and know that I can find the answers within me as well, so I'm wary of becoming too dependant on looking externally for answers, although I know it's good to let other people help at times.

 

[The Albatross]

Not so much stubbornness, as fear. In therapy I flunked inkblots. My therapist and husband urged me to imagine/see something... and gave up after trying both the color and black & white ones. Finally in exasperation I said to my spouse, "what do YOU see?" and to my amazement he ticked off several.

This incident showed me that at some point, I was blocking off the hopeful part of myself... the part that dared imagine anything and was in crisis mode. It was a turning point.

 

[Brontie]

I think this is wise. Just because a person offers you advice does not mean they know what you need, and if you take on someones advice when they don't really know what you need, then you may be setting yourself up for even bigger trouble, or it just won't be effective in helping you resolve whatever the issue is. I guess not blindly taking on advice from others is important as well as knowing that, in the end, only you really know what you need. If what someone says resonates with me, then it tells me that it's right for me.

I like to be as self-reliant as possible, and know that I can find the answers within me as well, so I'm wary of becoming too dependant on looking externally for answers, although I know it's good to let other people help at times.

Also don’t you find that when you really need some help it usually presents itself and we just have to… like maybe look for the signs?

 

[Philippa]

Yes, definately. I know that people like to be helpful and feel useful, but often I find the help presents itself in some other way, perhaps not as obvious as having someone give you advice.

People mean well and that does not go unnoticed, but sometimes it feels like it's bossiness. I guess it's again, all in the way it is delivered.

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess that could be applied to 'abusive' language too- of what to be selective about.
I think it's best (most healing) to stick with what helps you, personally.

After all this time I can only think of (one's/ my) heart as a ~balance: (I) need to increaset he joyful/ good/ healing/ healthy things, reduce the 'negatives' the most I can, but even then as long as the 'positives' outweigh them it's better. And positives to me I think of as ~softness, (especially when one feels so 'raw) : hope, tenderness, gentleness, peace, love, not being at odd with what I can't change, ~good things/ people/ activities/ memories/ reminders, etc, -being (true to) yourself even if no one 'gets it'.
(..Does that make any sense at all?, yikes. Sorry if not, hard (to ever) find the words.. :confused: )

I think stubbornness is an asset when applied to what is healthy/ forward-reaching/ hopeful, etc; an impediment in it's reverse.
I have never met almost anyone as stubborn as me, not to ideas etc, but towards 'myself'.

I relate to The Abatross, -more like fear as the impediment, to me. And 'blocking off hope', -well never even thought of that as 'possible'.

 

[jo may]

I always seem to know what's best for me, When in fact I don't but it's very hard for me to accept help.
When I've dealt with this by myself for so long.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Stubborn, yes. But this was always in the presence of female therapists, and females trigger me to high hell.

I've never had this issue with male therapists.

 

[Wanting a life]

Yes, I absolutely hate anyone telling me what to do, especially if I don´t feel like they care about me. The rule I lived by as a child of a schizophrenic mom and an unreliable and unavailable father was that if the authority figure didn´t do what was needed, they were immediately thrown out of the picture and I took care of what needed doing.

What scares me is that being in the homeless shelter and now this crisis halfway house (I guess - not sure exactly what to call it), is that so many people can tell me what to do. My tolerance level is decreasing and I tend to tell staff when I feel that I´m being treated as "less than." Usually I can manage to do it in a more or less polite way, sometimes when I´ve really had it I don´t manage to be polite. And that can definitely work against me in places where people really do have power over you. On the other hand it is practicing assertiveness, which is supposed to be good.

But when they make more and more rules and they make these "contracts" about not committing suicide, this could be a problem. Several times I´ve been suffering so much emotionally and feeling alone and the rules make me feel even more alone. The stubbornness kicks in and it´s like - if I decide I can´t take it anymore then I´ll do what I need to and you can go stuff your rules. And it´s kind of scary to think that I seem to be MORE inclined to kill myself due to the stubbornness of them telling me I can´t.