Has This Site Changed Or Is It Just Me ?

[ladee]

I do understand what you are saying here. And you are right. It can be like constant 'triage' here sometimes... if we didn't have the fun threads I don't know how much exposure therapy I could do in a day....But that also goes to self responsibility.... If I just don't have it to give myself that day, I don't have it to give anyone else....
But there are many many very heartfelt responses to people... everything in the universe goes in cycles.... we have many many newcomers that are very young.... nothing is constant but change... we do what we can to make it better and let go of the end result..... thanks for this thread by the way....:hug:

 

[Sideways]

Having been on the receiving end of a couple of subtle-as-a-brick-wall passive aggressive comments along the way, I can say that received at the wrong time, yes, they can be incredibly hurtful.

But it cuts both ways. The posts are being written by a person who is likely in a not too great headspace (that includes me), and it's being read by someone who is likely in a not too great headspace (also me!). The typing (including mine) might sometimes be a little off because of that. Or the typing may be fine but it's received in a bad way because of where the reader is at. And when the typing and the reading are both coming from bad headspaces, I reckon this community does pretty well holding itself together.

So when I've been on the receiving end of the snide & nasty, it could be me, or it could be them, or it could be both of us. Either way, take a breath, and remind yourself that this is not a battlefield- sometimes we each of us just get it wrong, both giving and receiving. But the communal goal doesn't change - we're equals here always.

 

[joeylittle]

it just seems to be worse since joeylittle stepped up into running this site as what @ladee said since she has become Administrator, are people testing the waters ?

I don't know that people are testing the waters, so much as just adjusting to change. I think that I didn't act quickly or decisively enough in a few instances, and the forum got rattled - for which I really am sorry, but also am grateful for the membership not getting too judgmental of my stumbles.

I don't think I've anything else to contribute, just wanted to comment on that.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think the admin change and the influx of new members has contributed to the same nonsense we've always had on the forum. Because there are so many new members, things don't settle down as quickly as they did a couple of years ago IMO, and the admin change has affected things in the sense that JL addresses above.

It is just noise, though, and it's silly, and a lot of it is just the normal ebb and flow of the BS that always comes and goes around here. Remember the troll conversation from--what?--a year or more ago?

I think, if anything, a lot of members here may be tougher on personal responsibility than they necessarily were when I joined, but that could be just who I gravitate toward now and therefore a personal difference in who and what I tend to pay attention to these days. ;)

 

[ladee]

@joeylittle , I wouldn't do your job for all the money on the planet !! And I, for one, never noticed you weren't on top of something..... like I said... you are herding cats some days... as we say in the South... 'Bless your heart'... Nope, you have nothing but support from us... and I do like what @Simply Simon said.... so it's all good...now maybe we can drop it, and get on with healing.... that's really what we are here for...

 

[digger]

The dynamics of a site like this are going to be changing all the time, because there will always be a turnover of people contributing to it. Different people and personalities bring, and take, different things to and from it.

I can't remember how long I've been here now - two and half years maybe (ignore what it says on my profile, I haven't been here since 2007, that's a mistake from when the sub sites were merged) - when I joined there were members here who felt like 'core' members, people who had been here a while and were frequent and consistent responders to threads. Some of them have since gone from the site, some are still here, but also in that time there have been new members whose presence has become equally consistent but obviously they bring their own style and flavour. The overall tone of threads and responses can be influenced by that.

There have been a number of times when it's felt like the shift in dynamics is rocking the boat, but then it always seems to find its balance again.

I think the increase in new members probably can shake that up more sometimes as people find their feet and settle, but I personally haven't noticed a significant change in the overall ethos of the site.

I think though as well it's probably important to recognise that our own needs from the site change over time too as we both adjust to it and carry on along our own personal journeys. There are times when I am more active on the general forums, both in asking my own questions and in responding to others, and there are times when I pretty much withdraw to the diary section only. My tolerance for noise and bullshit also waxes and wanes and affects my activity here.

 

[Sandstone]

As another member of 5 years, i too have noticed a difference, but struggle to articulate it clearly, and to identify whether it comes from me.

I miss several thoughtful, insightful and honest members, in particular @maddog. I see less of a particular sort of compassionate challenging that was valuable to me. I see more superficial support of the " There, there, we all love you, don't worry, everyone else is wrong and you will be all right" sort. (I'm sure there is a word for that, but it escapes me). I also see many more invitations from people to PM each other for support, so I wonder if some of the good work is going on where it can't be seen.

I wonder if most of the difference in my view of the forum is internal though. After a few years here, I've absorbed most of the knowledge that was so welcome initially. Now it is "just" the application that I need to work on. I'm constantly aware of the danger of PTSD becoming a hobby and need to avoid that. I'm aware that even for a PTSD forum, my thought processes are often different, so there will be posts that are incomprehensible in thinking and motivation.

I don't think it comes from the change in Admin. I find @joeylittle to be clear and measured, making just decisions and explaining them clearly

 

[ladee]

@Sandstone, compassionate challenging.... now that idea I like, but I also wonder if some are afraid of the Politically Correct Police, and carry that into the site...Right now I am reading and learning from some of the more 'outspoken', for lack of a better term, members here.... but I am not new and fragile either... Oh lord, better be careful or this will turn into another thread.... !!! 'How to be Politically Correct on MyPTSD'...... think I'll stop before a monster is created....Thanks to all who have contributed. Learned a lot...
Maybe @joeylittle will have to start a thread called 'Herding Cats'.... so we have more insight and compassion to the job she took on..... !!! I have found my 'safe place', and all the bickering and BS can just go right on.... I am here to learn, to heal and to share.... it's like being in the real world, and it will always come back to ..... ME, what do I want to do about this situation, regardless of the situation...

 

[Neverthesame]

I can't speak for other's, so I usually don't. I have found myself on the receiving end of a bit of the hypersensitivity. I won't go into detail for the same reason no one else has.

In the same breath I know I could have both handled the situation better and worse. (My first draft of the response I gave, I don't think would've gotten me into trouble, but it didn't need to be said, so it wasn't.)

I am pretty sure that person has me on ignore now though. Lol

I'm not bothered, or offended. If that's what they think is best for them, that's exactly what they should do. ;)

I know I have changed since I joined. For one, my grammar has been steadily improving now that I am writing more. (At least I sure hope it is. Good lord, I can't believe that I actually forgot how to use punctuation.)

Which brings me to an aspect of the site that has changed since I joined. The grammar rules are no longer enforced. Honestly I'm on the fence about how I feel about that. I still try to follow those rules, for the sake of clear communication. (I'm sure I still break alot of them, often. :angelic:)

As far as other changes well, sure. It happens. There are a couple of former members that were experts at being critical to the point of offensive. That caused all sorts of drama. While it was different drama, it's still drama. Maybe it's more enjoyable when you can read it and take a side (internally and silently, as a reader) hoping the other person will understand the lesson being taught them. Come around and see what they didn't want to see. And grow a bit from the experience. (Without anyone getting banned, those were the best ones)

Or maybe none of that actually happened. I may just be remembering things through rose coloured glasses. That happens sometimes.

Either way, still a great site with great people.

And a bar none, best moderation team. (There's my butt kissing for the day done. :p)
I have no real complaints though honestly. Joeylittle is doing excellent in my humble opinion.

All those words and I have managed to say almost nothing... :woot: (Ok, ok. Getting too silly, must be past my bedtime.)

 

[mary1979]

I can't speak for other's, so I usually don't. I have found myself on the receiving end of a bit of...

There are rules about grammer? :O


Oh man. I'm screwed

 

[joeylittle]

There are rules about grammer?

There were, for quite awhile. There are not currently. Though, I think everyone on the site appreciates paragraph breaks. And thanks @ladee, @Neverthesame, @Sandstone - I appreciate the supportive words. Yes, there can be a herding cats aspect to this place - but what drew me here to begin with was the depth and considered nature of the replies - and sometimes, that means some uncomfortable, appropriate conflict, and I'd not see that leave this place for anything.

I see less of a particular sort of compassionate challenging that was valuable to me. I see more superficial support of the " There, there, we all love you, don't worry, everyone else is wrong and you will be all right" sort. (I'm sure there is a word for that, but it escapes me).

I know what you mean, very much. I don't think there's less of it, necessarily, but I also believe there cannot be too much of it.

Reminds me of an older thread about sympathy, and empathy. Empathetic response - putting yourself in someone else's shoes, identifying with their experience, and then offering your angle on what they are struggling with - is the cornerstone of peer support. Sympathy will never go beyond expressing sorrow - and I think there is a place for that, even here - but it's not as engaged or transformative as the 'compassionate challenging' that you refer to.

 

[anonymous]

(OP)

Thanks for everyone's replies, I think this is a great site as well, and I have learnt so much from it and still learning. I wouldn't be anywhere near along the journey of getting help and healing without this site. It has been an amazing place to get information and support.

I also want to say that I wasn't getting at any staff or @joeylittle I think they do a thankful and amazing job and spend hours doing things behind the pages we read that go unnoticed by many. The staff on here have helped me and others out so much and I want to personally thank them.

All I was wanting, was to just to bring to people's attention about looking out for one another when writing things down and to think about other members, even thou we can't see them they are real people. It wasn't any one thing I was trying to get at, just a general thing I have noticed over the last couple of months. But like others have said there has been a huge number or new people joining this site and things change with different people and different personalities coming and going. I think it is an amazing place and very well run and I take my hat off to all those involved with the running of this site.

Thank you