Lost weight, I just stopped eating people who have rewarded themselves with food in some form at some point in their lives tend to have that problem? What do you think?
For example when I was smaller I used to think:"If I do this right, I can eat that". Not half as serious as some of the other eating disorders, but you get the idea.
thankyou for this post I almost forgot my folic tab and I have some of the same points and issues that you have written about here, i think well I know that if I am up to anything that is good and I feel I have done well then I think it is ok for me to eat something that is healthy and take crea fo myself I find that if I dont ...then I dont eat, and the weight can go on doing that because then I also get down and then almosr binge well not binge but then I also eat a load of crap and dont take care fo myself at all properly. And so my weight goes up again... inpart because it-my body stores it down as fat in case it wont get to see food again in a while. I understand some eating disorders very well...when I waS YOUNGER i WAS SO For sure SOME kind of eating disordered...I was well I know now I was terribly underweight and totally believed I was fat and hideous.. I look at clothes from then and photos and think how the hell did no one see that either?
i am struggling very badly with again today, I feel undeserving of anything, of food ...anything and yesterday despite making a meal..one that was healthy and looked and when I tasted it was ok...how come I just didnt and couldnt eat it... i think I didnt deserve it is why.
I know I have had days here when I have worked and felt ok I can eat...and so I have begun...it has not been meals or anything big ...but I have for sure ben looking after myself recently and my weight has started to drop again which is good because I had gotten fat. And no I am not mis identifying that... I had gotten fat.
The beauty of it at the moment...well until now ...is that I had begun to look after myself...and now I just dont think I can again. It is closely tied into self worth esteem confdence...being screwd around and also my mental state...I knwo all this and so I am back to trying to mindfull eat just a few grapes or a handful of cheerios ...just something to keep tyring to look after myself.
I went food shoping last night with me ex... I have no choice on this as no support other than him again....and this itself makes me ill. He does my head in and it spiralls me down. I have stopped him comiung here in the past and it has worked fine...but again I am on my own with this and the suppost worker has gone and my cc is just not bothered... I am trying today as I write this to getacross to him how this is affecting me..that I need for him to be consistent and not fck me about any more... I have been force fed placebos and it is choking me... Ironic use of metaphor there I know but hey..
I am struggling here again and I know that this is it... i know that I have to try harder and harder but it is killing me doing this over and over again in my own. I just cant, I need something, something.. I just dont know what any more, and I ahve no idea how to find it either. or even what it might look like... I just know what it doesnt look like is all right now
Apology;
iam sorry if I have maybe taken this off topic or let go and go on too much maybe I should take this back to my private diary... I dont know what to do at the moment. so I apologise if this is in any way inappropriate to write or put out here.