I got married when I was 19 years old, after about three dates. I had a child and coming from a traditional family, felt pushed to get married. I finally left after about three years, next month will be the eighth anniversary of being married... on paper. This is an incredibly long story so if bits and pieces are missing, I apologize. It's just way too much for one post.
It didn't start this way. Everything was pretty normal at first. His abusive could have been related to his own PTSD, but I believe it was also a combination of using the drugs "Spice" and "K2," which he was selling on post and I had eventually reported to the military police before someone was killed.
I woke up one morning telling him no and he did not listen. Out of shock, I kept saying no, but didn't really fight. Another time, he forced me to take the drug, maybe because I wouldn't do anything otherwise, and wouldn't stop. He has apologized for this but claims to not remember. I sadly believed that because I was married, it wouldn't be seen as rape. My son and I were trapped in this one room hotel for three months in the middle of nowhere. We lived there because the money was being spent on the drugs.
He later broke my laptop over his knee, smashed my cellphone and an emergency backup phone I had in case he freaked out. He also led me to believe he had broke the hotel phone so that I couldn't leave. (When he left, I eventually found the cord and called for help.) This was a extended period of abuse, in a one bed hotel room that, in my perspective, I could not leave. His words were that he didn't have to hit me because he was going to mess with my head so much that I couldn't even look at another man again.
Literally, below zero weather and 18 feet of snow in the middle of nowhere with no money or transportation. I was 3,000 miles away from my own home on the other side of the country. That's just a hint of it. He eventually abandoned us there.
My grandmother who raised me passed away a couple of days later. I returned home and I continued on with my life, avoiding the fact that I was still married, and years later had another child with my boyfriend, who I have been in a happy relationship with for a couple of years. It only recently hit me that I'm still legally married and that's why I haven't gotten married yet. Obviously, boyfriend is not pleased with this. I am not either.
I literally physically can't do it. I'm terrified. I don't want him to know where I am. I don't want to be found. It makes me want to throw up. I was told recently that he's been publicly announcing on Facebook that he's taking his son for the summer. I don't bother with him, but someone I know watches his Facebook closely since it's public, in order to be a step ahead and protect me. He doesn't even know him! I had tried giving him chances but he's dangerous. I'm scared that if I file, then someone will take away my children or my location will be given away.
I'm terrified that if I file, it will bring him back into our life or he'll try to destroy me somehow. I found out last year that there was a previous court case where he had told his ex-girlfriend he would turn her and her mother into "ground hamburger." I believe she got a restraining order. I am sure I can find letters where he told me he "wanted my blood" and there were statements I filed with the military police regarding the abuse, but I can't seem to make that first step to file. I'm just too terrified that it will backfire on me. I haven't done anything, but he has told me so many times that he would take my son from me just to hurt me.
I don't know what to do.
It didn't start this way. Everything was pretty normal at first. His abusive could have been related to his own PTSD, but I believe it was also a combination of using the drugs "Spice" and "K2," which he was selling on post and I had eventually reported to the military police before someone was killed.
I woke up one morning telling him no and he did not listen. Out of shock, I kept saying no, but didn't really fight. Another time, he forced me to take the drug, maybe because I wouldn't do anything otherwise, and wouldn't stop. He has apologized for this but claims to not remember. I sadly believed that because I was married, it wouldn't be seen as rape. My son and I were trapped in this one room hotel for three months in the middle of nowhere. We lived there because the money was being spent on the drugs.
He later broke my laptop over his knee, smashed my cellphone and an emergency backup phone I had in case he freaked out. He also led me to believe he had broke the hotel phone so that I couldn't leave. (When he left, I eventually found the cord and called for help.) This was a extended period of abuse, in a one bed hotel room that, in my perspective, I could not leave. His words were that he didn't have to hit me because he was going to mess with my head so much that I couldn't even look at another man again.
Literally, below zero weather and 18 feet of snow in the middle of nowhere with no money or transportation. I was 3,000 miles away from my own home on the other side of the country. That's just a hint of it. He eventually abandoned us there.
My grandmother who raised me passed away a couple of days later. I returned home and I continued on with my life, avoiding the fact that I was still married, and years later had another child with my boyfriend, who I have been in a happy relationship with for a couple of years. It only recently hit me that I'm still legally married and that's why I haven't gotten married yet. Obviously, boyfriend is not pleased with this. I am not either.
I literally physically can't do it. I'm terrified. I don't want him to know where I am. I don't want to be found. It makes me want to throw up. I was told recently that he's been publicly announcing on Facebook that he's taking his son for the summer. I don't bother with him, but someone I know watches his Facebook closely since it's public, in order to be a step ahead and protect me. He doesn't even know him! I had tried giving him chances but he's dangerous. I'm scared that if I file, then someone will take away my children or my location will be given away.
I'm terrified that if I file, it will bring him back into our life or he'll try to destroy me somehow. I found out last year that there was a previous court case where he had told his ex-girlfriend he would turn her and her mother into "ground hamburger." I believe she got a restraining order. I am sure I can find letters where he told me he "wanted my blood" and there were statements I filed with the military police regarding the abuse, but I can't seem to make that first step to file. I'm just too terrified that it will backfire on me. I haven't done anything, but he has told me so many times that he would take my son from me just to hurt me.
I don't know what to do.
