Have you ever resented your t?

[FauxLiz]

During my session today we were discussing my toxic family and the guilt and shame I experienced in my holiday family video chat. And while I was trying to change the subject he wouldn't let me and even interjected how he had handle situations where others were trying to guilt/anger him.

Once I left and I was reflecting on our session I realized I felt an intense sense of resentment toward him and the fact that I presume he has had a traditionally "normal" life. One without soul crushing trauma, abuse and pain. I understand that this is simple a reaction to our discussions today because we touched on some sensitive/hard subjects. But I wonder if anyone else has felt this way and how did you deal with it?

 

[Sideways]

Resentment is a form of anger and its a perfectly legitimate reaction to a session like that. Healthy even.

It’s not fair that he grew up without trauma like yours, or that he’s got such an annoyingly healthy relationship with his family compared to yours. Totally okay to be angry about that.

At some point, you may need to direct that anger where it more fairly belongs though, which is at your family rather than at him.

Me personally, my anger doesn’t take over like some of my other emotional states. So when I get angry like that, I usually try and embrace it. Being angry feels like an achievement. So, I get angry, and I give myself a high 5 for getting angry. And then, because I haven’t struggled with it, the anger tends to pass of its own accord...

 

[FauxLiz]

@Ragdoll Circus thank you for reinforcing that this was a healthy reaction. You are right that it is most likely based in anger wrongly directed. I am still struggling which feeling any emotions I learned to numb myself so early in life that even after years of therapy I struggle with naming and acknowledging emotions for what they are when they happen.

 

[Gamereign555]

I was once resentful to her for ruining my long term relationship with my girlfriend but I wasn’t thinking rationally back then. Totally my fault, needed to grow up some.

 

[Stephernovas]

I will be flying soon - first time. When I was talking about being nervous and how anxiety provoking it was for me, she's like OH! I love flying..the seats, and this and that. And then she went on to tell me a story about a flight she had, after of course she informed me it's the safest form of transportation

Then, I told her how I almost threw up because of a somatic? flashback regarding moose flesh. She interjected saying she loved moose meat and how it was so tasty...I sat there being like, uh. ok. well not the kind that's warm and freshly ripped off the poor animal's body because I just killed him with my car! Oh and it's also caked with dirt and shards of windshield. Really not so yummy to me now.

Overall I kind of get what she was doing, but I was like dude...no you are not screwing with my brain trying to interject and make me associate happy thoughts with these topics, rather than these fear laden ones! *sulks*

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I've become upset over things my T has done (and also not done). I've even become angry with him from time to time...for I am human. I confront and assert and I try not to hold that toxicity within me anymore and am no longer in bondage to other people's behaviors and actions by holding that poison within me anymore. For I've read...that...stress...can kill.

T missed two appointments back to back (weekly ones) and the ONLY problem I had with it is...that he waited until the morning of both appointments to cancel them. And even called me the morning of the 1st one he cancelled on and I was in his freaking parking lot.

So at first I got very frustrated then I emailed him...then he emailed me back and never took responsibility for cancelling in the 11th hour and said I didn't believe him when he said that he had back issues...fortune telling generalizing, whatever...on his part.

I notified him thereafter that I would see him again after the holidays...in January 2018. And I made a good decision because I need very much to re-evaluate my working relationship with him...for I feel perhaps (unsure) that he has taken me as far as he clinically and professionally knows how. I shall see in 2018. No snap judgment on that (as I used to have kneejerk opinions/actions...not anymore.

When I give respect I expect it back...and he disrespected me not once...but twice when he waited until the 11th hour so to speak to do appointment cancellation notification. Homey don't play dat. Hoot!

 

[Emotional girl]

Last week I got so frustrated with my T and I turned around to him and said "what would you know ""you live in this world with your perfect partner and your perfect kids".
We talked about it yesterday and I realised that I was just hitting out at him because I got frustrated and felt like he wasn't listening to me.I wasn't really resentful towards him at all as he is a very kind and understanding person it was just that I was hurting and I didn't know how to express myself in a different way.
I would say talk to your T about the way you are feeling as you may find that it helps you move on with your feelings.

 

[MyWillow]

I will never forget the searing resentment I felt when my T brought me back from the most peaceful dissociative state I’ve ever experienced. Clearly I didn’t want to discuss whatever the hell we were discussing at the time.

 

[hymnless]

I actually went through this during my session last week. After my therapist asked me a bunch of questions about my assault I lost it, told her to f*ck off, sat in silence for quite a while, and then walked out. I was raging when I left and felt like she was picking me apart, judging me, and/or didn’t believe me. All I could think of was how much I hated her, hated having to go to therapy, hated having PTSD, etc. I don’t think I’ve ever resented anyone more than I resented her in that moment.

When I finally reached out to her we had a VERY awkward conversation about where things stood with me coming back. I said I would but seriously considered just never showing up again. As I thought about it over the weekend I realized that she’d asked me a question that was shitty, but my response really had to do with my own insecurities about the perception I worry others would have if they knew about the rape. She did apologize in the moment for the way her question came across, but that honestly just made me angrier. I really hate conflict and absolutely did not want to talk to her ever again but I’m glad I did. It felt pretty awful but I know that we will be able to move forward if something like that happens again. So reach out if you can. It’s worth it. Even if he isn’t as supportive as you’d like, at least you can feel like there is be some sort of clarification or closure (perhaps just temporary!)

 

[Deleted member 42984]

Oh god yes, I've had major resentments towards my former counselor. At the end, all that pent up frustration turned to be the straw that broke the camel's back, and I eventually found a new counselor! Problem with my former T was that he wasn't any good with anger, he more or less constantly tried to switch the blame back to myself, and at some point I simply had enough ...

I'm still plagued sometimes with bouts of resentments and arguments in my head with this guy, but thankfully, not as often as I used to. I found a new T that encourages my anger instead of trying to 'fix it', alternately switching blame back to myself. All good, I think.