Having A Hard Time Accepting Diagnosis

[CJGilbert]

So I am new here and since my Official diagnosis this week, have jumped in head first into finding ways to help myself and eventually "cure" it, if possible. But here's the thing. I'm having a really, really hard time accepting the diagnosis. Like my mind just doesn't think "O yeah, you act like you have PTSD." No. It feels like it's a mistake, but I know it's not. My symptoms just aren't cut and dry when placed next to those of a war vets. But the more I look back on things and try harder to remember the event (I'm only doing it with a therapist as a way of understanding my issues) the more I see the cracks in the surface. I start to see symptoms that happened immediately after arriving home. And I see symptoms evolve over time. I just, never thought this would be me. Especially since I'm constantly comparing my symptoms to others on this board... I feel like a phony even though my diagnosis is real.. Anyone else have this problem? Please, any advice you have is appreciated.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Official Diagnosis this week,

I think it might take a little while to sink in. A week isn't a very long time to come to terms with any new diagnoses.

My symptoms just aren't cut and dry

Most people's aren't I'd say. As well sometimes we can be less or more symptomatic. Sometimes when I'm feeling good I think I don't have anything wrong with me hah wishful thinking. Then I'll go through a more symptomatic period and be like oh yeah never mind.

I think it's important to know that a huge amount of people with a ptsd diagnosis lead reasonably normal lives. Have jobs, children, pay the car insurance and cope quite well.

 

[Matt Jackson]

I think everyone doubted it or does until you have a flip out.. Then you get reminded. That's right... The best thing is not to worry too much about the label. You're not crazy, so don't tell yourself that and don't let anyone else tell you that either. You can fix yourself a great deal by training your brain. I listen to Earl Nightingale, for 30 mins on YouTube everyday. Check it out. It can help a heap. If your brain hurts anything like mine, you find relief in working towards a worthwhile goal everyday. Good luck mate.

 

[ladee]

Welcome! Probably one thing that will help you settle in, is to not compare stories.
Our own personal journey with PTSD is personal. While many relate to our feelings..we are all different in how we arrived here.
A week is not long to absorb the meaning of this for you.
Glad you are here and knowing you are not alone really helps.

 

[Rani G2]

is to not compare stories.
Our own personal journey with PTSD is personal. While many relate to our feelings..we are all different in how we arrived here.

Well written Ladee.

 

[LostInCPTSD]

Yes I know exactly what you mean.. for me it's almost a daily struggle now - but I have the CPTSD variety they seem to be permanent, at least if your me. I personally struggle every day. There was a short time over the last 2.5 yrs since 'the breakdown' that I could leave the house for a cup of coffee and a magazine for up to an hour.. now I can't fit sone reason. ..for me it evolves, which makes more frustrating to figure out. But even when it's bad I feel guilty cause I'm not a vet I just had long term childhood stuff, homeless as teen, no family, etc - everyone is different and reacts differently, also hard - it's isolating but sites like this help me cause it makes me feel less isolated if even just till I close the app - but it is good to not let the diagnosis define you yet still be aware of how effected you are and try not to discount it or be too hard on yourself - that's hardest for me personally. Hope this helped in some way. Good luck, stay strong & God bless..

 

[Hopeless17]

CJGilbert, you are not alone. I think we all went through this at some point or another. PTSD isn't just for vets, there are all types of PTSD from war trauma to childhood trauma. Someone can develop PTSD from just having a bad car accident. Since you are new to this, I would encourage you to read "The body keeps the score" It is an amazing book that speaks about the effects of people with PTSD. You can find it in Amazon and it's also available in audio. Are you seeing a therapist? I was diagnosed with CPTSD 5 years ago. I have been in therapist since. I can't say that it has cure me from experiencing triggers that bring PTSD back to live, but I can tell you that it has helped me to control them, deal with them and understand what triggered me. Stay away from triggers, anything that reminds you of what you went through, it's not healthy. It will make you act up and you can become sad and depress. You will get through this. Please do not compare to yourself to other people. Everyone's trauma is different, trauma does not have just one name. I am here to help and support you. God bless

 

[J'qel]

Yup. I refused mine for seven years.

Then it jumped out and damn near ate me alive and sucked me into hell.

Don't do that. Is bad.

It's a shock, it's unbeliveable. You want to deny it and say "No, I'm fine, just stressed out a bit because <insert>."

Instead, trust the people with the degrees, this is what they got them for. They know what the signs are, what to look for and what it means. You trust a mechanic to fix your car, and your doctor to diagnose your physical health. Trust in the professionals. Even if you're not sure, that's fine, you can be doubtful, you can be incredulous. If you didn't believe that your mechanic was right about your brake pads, you'd still let him change them, wouldn't you?

Same deal.

It doesn't, at this point, require you to utterly believe it, that will come in time. It just requires that you let the people who know try to help. Follow their lead, that's what they're there for. :)

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Stay away from triggers, anything that reminds you of what you went through, it's not healthy. It will make you act up and you can become sad and depress.

I have to disagree with this. Its important to learn to cope with triggers and it's also exposure therapy. It's important because we there will undoubtedly be times when triggers can't be avoided. Then what happens? It's important to distinguish triggers and there may be times when you're not doing well and thus have to avoid for a short time so as to not make things unbearable.

It's not healthy to live in avoidance the goal is to cope and live a full life free from unbearable psychological pain (suffering is part of the human experience that's why I didn't refer to it as that).

While going through therapy you will more than likely feel worse before it starts getting better. Because it can be so hard in therapy make sure you have coping tools to use when things get hard. CBT and DBT skills are great for that, as are mindfulness, self care, grounding techniques. Talk to your T about anything that's on your mind there are no stupid questions, and do as much research as possible. These are things I wish someone had told me.

 

[Hopeless17]

I have to disagree with this. Its important to learn to cope with triggers and it's also Exposure therapy. It's important because we there will undoubtedly be times when triggers can't be avoided. Then what happens? It's important to distinguish triggers and there may be times when you're not doing well and thus have to avoid for a short time so as to not make things unbearable

I have to disagree. I am not here to argue but to speak based in my experience. While and only while going through a really tough psychotherapy it is recommended to stay away from triggers because it can recreate and relive the trauma depending on what is being dealt with. My trauma is being raped at 8 years old by a family member for two years. Then other things after that contributed to my trauma and it became complex. It is absolutely impossible to avoid triggers all together but there are some that you have to try and stay away from while and only while going through an intensive therapy. If I had to stay away from triggers all the time I wouldn't be able to have a husband. Believe me it's hard, and it'll get easier. During the time with the To they will teach you how to deal with your triggers so it doesn't retraumatized you. I am sorry for not elaborating this much in my previous post.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I have to disagree. I am not here to argue but to speak based in my experience. While and only while...

Yeah absolutely I agree with everything you've said. All I ment was to avoid all triggers all the time. Yeah there's still things I can't handle like rape scenes.

 

[Freedomfighter]

So I am new here and since my Official diagnosis this week, have jumped in head first into finding wa...

You are at the beginning of a very long journey, and yes I fought this diagnosis years and years and years. I knew I had it but still fought it, did not want to believe it. According to the criminals that caused this condition and following diagnosis it was just a little misunderstanding that got me so sick. Good actors, bravo......

The reason why it is so hard to accept is the fact that many times the disease is right under the surface, not readily recognizable, not even to the victim.......

You will have to be very very brave. Imagine yourself on a boat, a ship and you are traveling and traveling. As you continue to sail through life you will have to throw everything overboard that is not really needed. That includes people that only abuse or act as your friends, that includes family members who do not want to help, it also includes possessions you do not absolutely need.

PTSD requires a cleaning, like a huge spring cleaning and it is a constant.

I have done this for over 7 years, have fought this terrible condition over 7 years.

I still want it to stop and to just wake up one morning and tell myself I don't have it, no such luck.

I will always fight it I guess.