Having No Tolerance For Other People In My Teritory...

[J_trustno1]

I know I may sound cold but I get irritable whenever anyone besides my mother or brother comes to our house. I am fine with people's short visits but I absolutely dislike it when people come over to live with us for few days. For example: in 2013, my mum's asshole brother lived in our house for a year. Previously my father came in to live in our house from years 2003-2004 and 2006-2009.

I frickin hate it when a forth person comes into our house. Now, it is my brother's friend who will be coming from overseas to live in our house for a week. It's getting on my nerves. I feel that he will be like another asshole like my father or my mum's brother. I don't even know this friend of his and have never met him but I am starting to become extra cautious.

I will have to leave my toilet and bathroom (note: we have two bathrooms and two toliets in the house) for this guy and he'll be using it! Yuck!! someone else will be using my bathroom. I have concerns about keeping my bathroom clean and don't like it when people come in there to ruin it like my mum's asshole brother did where he left shit stuck on the sides of the toilet bowl.

I'm just irritated and disgusted at a new person entering the house and I will have to adjust with my mum and brothers space.

Sorry if i sound cold!

 

[Freedomfighter]

Doesn't sound cold, I had the same reaction when relatives visited and then stayed and stayed. Heck, I had that reaction when my own family visited. Not sure why, it has to do with the fact that some people need a lot more space than others.
But I have autism, PTSD, and who knows what the heck else that is associated with it. I stopped counting.......

 

[Nam]

You sound totally reasonable to me.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I don't see anything wrong with your way of thinking. It's okay.

:hug:s from me!

 

[Wastinglight]

My boyfriend is a PTSD sufferer, and I am one of only two non-family members who have ever been inside his house (and that other person was an old family friend, and only came around once!). He just doesn't like people coming into his house. We haven't really discussed it much but I figured he just felt like his personal space was being invaded or something. He lived alone for a long time before I came along, so I suspect it's a real adjustment to have people around when you're not used to it unless you already feel close to them or something.

This reaction doesn't sound cold to me. I generally don't invite people around to my house either except for family - I'd prefer to go out with someone rather than have them around. Then again, no-one except family really asks to come around anyway!

 

[Mishap]

I find it exhausting to have people in my space for long. Even people I love who are just visiting. I can't imagine having someone I don't even know in my house. I don't think you're being cold or unreasonable.

 

[macbeth]

Apart from a few close relatives I get stressed when people are in my home too. It causes a lot of anxiety and panic for me, so are definitely not alone. :hug:s to you.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You are a saint to have opened your home to freeloaders. The bathroom? Get some disinfectant sheets and wipe the toilet seat. I do that at my office for my clients. It takes only a minute. The bathroom down the hall is disgusting. I can't believe how lazy the other people in the office building are. I don't even let my dog go in there.
Any chance you could find a place of your own?

 

[J_trustno1]

:hug:s for everyone for replying on my thread and being supportive. I never used to be like this until I was 12. In fact I wanted to be around family and relatives but they sucked energy out of me every time they came over for short or long visits. I remember when my mum's younger sister used to come and live at our house for a week but she always had a dislike for me and said rough statements to my mother about me and she also provoked me to say things which I never wanted to say to begin with. However, when I did say what she expected of me , she got my mum's other sister (Pedophile's wife) to physical beat me up and I was on 13 then.

Even at their short visits I was humiliated and I was berated on my birthdays and at any other gatherings. This was done by my mum's bastard brother his kids and his wife then and her sisters.

Whenever my father lived with us he made fun of my height called me a midget, called me dumb and always joined my mum's asshole brother to ridicule me.

This hasn't happened once or twice BUT every single time any of these gatherings happened.

Seriously, I have no tolerance for anyone in the house except my mum and my brother. Whenever they visit (her siblings) I feel loss of control and personal space. I see them as a walking threat. I am okay with other people visiting our house as long as the visit isn't too long because I feel threatened and I feel that they can take away my power and I will again be invalidated.

Sorry for writing too much. This new person is coming home tomorrow. Another bad news is that my mum's sister and her pedophile husband will alsi be back in the country tomorrow. I don't want to see her siblings :( :depressed:

 

[MCBL]

You're doing better than I am! I've lived in my home for over ten years. Other than maintenance and things of that nature no one has set foot in my home in at least six or seven years. The last time a friend did I was so uptight I thought I was going to explode. To me my home is MY space and I don't like people in my space!

 

[Kefira]

You aren't being cold. I hosted a weekly game night and even having people in my space for a few hours would leave me frazzled and grumpy. Most people are not invited into my home. There are a lot of reasons. And honestly, none of them matter. What matters is that it makes me uncomfortable and I try to limit how much it happens while still working on being social as much as possible. I draw the line at 6 people in my home for a visit. Beyond that, we have to go somewhere else. And definitely no parties.

On the other end, even if they don't express their gratitude well please let me tell you you're doing an amazing thing for the people you're allowing into your home. I've been semi homeless since May living in basements and sleeping on friend's couches. I really don't know what I would have done if I wasn't so blessed with people who are willing to open their homes to me.

Also, not sure if finances allow or if you're comfortable with the idea, but maybe consider hiring a cleaning service for once he's gone? This way you don't have to deal with any leftover mess, and you sort of get to reclaim those areas and get a new start with them. Depending on the size of the home they can be relatively affordable and they have all the right equipment and supplies to really do the job well.

Or, consider just setting forth some house rules. I've been staying places with the expectation that I do dishes or other chores, etc. If he's staying with you for free, it's completely reasonable to at the onset say something like "Look, I'm a little particular about my home, I'm happy to help you out and let you stay but I'd really appreciate it if you clean up after yourself before you leave. I can show you where the supplies are and here are some things I'd really appreciate you make sure to do so I won't have to". I always ask things like whether I should strip bed linens from a guest room and bring them to the laundry area, and I try to at least find some disinfectant wipes and clean bathroom surfaces. If he's a decent guy, he should be perfectly capable of helping out a little to 'earn his keep'. If he argues with a reasonable request like that, then that will tell you a lot about his character and you can plan accordingly.