... and the healthier you can be for her the better...
So true!
the best thing we can do for those we love is to get healthy ourselves and pray for them.
So true!
You are right about getting healthier though. I am still really unhealthy I guess.
That is a great focus!
... just felt as though she needed me to stay far away from her and the kids.
Maybe explore in therapy why your daughter might need you to stay away from her and the kids. If you change your behaviours that will certainly assist the situation.
... you are responsible is debatable. But I think it's very wise and a sign of great responsibility that you are now facing these things.
Looking into this could be a the pathway to freedom for you.
... It's really brave of you to look into these things.
You are really brave to even begin to think about these things!
My daughter is in a very bad place in her life and she had to cut me off because she is afraid that I am going to call the authorities on her to take her kids away.
After no contact for a whole year do you really think that this is it? I don't think this is it. This is just jumping to conclusions and magical thinking. Go ahead and ring the authorities they are not going to take you seriously after you haven't seen your grandchildren for a year. It will just come across as manipulative and spiteful, like you are seeking revenge to punish her for making the choice not to have you in her life. However much it pains us, it is the other person's right and choice to have us or not have us in their lives.
I understand why when I recently texted her that she pretended to be someone else. I could not understand why she lied to me about who she was.
Maybe because after a whole year of having no contact with you she couldn't believe that you are still not honoring her boundaries and not respecting her wishes? So she just thought well my Mother doesn't respect my boundaries or listen to me so I will just pretend to not be myself. I can see how an adult child desparate to get away from their Mother would do that. I still have to avoid my Mother and her incursions into my life despite making it clear more than a decade ago that I would never again have contact with her. If you are still trying to contact her you are causing her humungus stress and anxiety, no wonder she is so angry with you!
Yes she is very angry but at the same time, I realize that I am the easiest target for her anger. But she is afraid of me and sees me as the enemy that is a real threat to her and to her kids. You and everyone else helped me to put so many pieces together today and it really helped me to be able to face the facts and get some understanding.
That is so sad that it came back to this.
I wish I could also just have a rational conversation with my daughter and since last year we really have not tried to communicate with each other. She said she is done with me and for now I have to respect her choice. It is so hard because of the kids.
But your previous posts show this to not be accurate at all. You are still trying to text her, and she is having to pretend to be someone else to get away from you.
It has been wrong to put the kids in the middle of this I think after being their grandmother for so many years.
But you put the kids in the middle with those horrible letters, and you comments about their Mother.
I did this for Christmas and their birthdays last year. My daughter must have allowed it because they were not sent back to me like a letter was to my daughter.
So you are not respecting your daughter's wishes, boundaries or anything that she has said to you. You just keep going no matter what. How can you be surprised that she has cut you out of her life?
Take it to social services and your grandchildren should be in your arms since you're next of kin. That would be her fear...
And when her daughter shows the social services all the crazy making letters that Rain sent to the grandchildren...what do you think that they will think? The fact she is still incessantly trying to have contact?
They were fighting quite a lot the last I heard.
So Ezri is talking to you against your daughter's wishes?
I will take the videos to CPS if I have to. I suddenly understand her very real fear and hatred and of me.
This is the least of it. This is not the main issue. I am very sad that you would even consider this as a reasonable explanation.
She has had a year on her own and is still very angry with me but she lied to me pretending to be a wrong number when I recently talked with her.
That is not unreasonable given she has set boundaries which you do not respect with her.
I have made the hard decisions before and I am not in a position to care for the kids at this time as I live on a fixed income.
Well think twice about showing anything to the social services because the little one could be taken away and as you can't take her there is no point destroying her current situation. Being in the system is totally shit - there are plenty of people on this forum that can attest to that experience.
The little one just turned thirteen years old and she quit talking to me completely as my daughter has been telling her all sorts of lies about me.
That kid must be so confused after what she hears from you about her Mother, through all those vile letters, and what she hears about you from her Mother.
I have so much to think about now and will talk to my therapist about what I have learned.
Hopefully your therapist will call you on all this magical thinking, confirmation bias and distorted victim cognitions! This is really so sad. I thought from your first post in this thread you were really making progress, really willing to change and own your own stuff.
Thanks for your input because my eyes have really opened up and through what you have shared I have a lot of the pieces of this puzzle that gave me more understanding. I am really thinking hard right now about all of this. Thank you so much for sharing your perceptions with me.
Canvassing options and opinions that are easier to deal with, than actually facing your part of the situation is a really sad way to go, and it won't bring you happiness, or connection in the end.
This thread started with SO much promise. I feel really sorry for you, your daughter and your poor grandchildren who are just at the mercy of both your machinations.
I would start respecting your daughter's wishes and stop contacting her. You are violating her boundaries, and that is no way to build honesty, connection, community, family and relationships.
There are a heap of people on this forum that have to deal with highly dysfunctional parents. I cannot work out why everyone always agrees with everyone on the forum rather than challenge them on their biases. My Mother is a nightmare, and despite her always manipulating to try to get to me I just have to continually resist. There are so many people in that exact same position on this forum, where is the tough love, and the honesty, and confronting the absolute bullshit of a thread like this? This is really poor!
:hug:
