Healing After Christmas

[Lovemyself]

I let my abuser back for christmas what is wrong with me? Last time i left him i had to go to the mental hospital on suicide watch and eating disorder for 5 weeks. They worked so hard putting 35 pounds on me. I stop eating when my ptsd kicks in. The first thing he said to me was my stomach was getting fat. I am 6 ft and weigh 136 size 6. Way to thin but he said i had a fat stomach. He brought up his horrific job and took me to casino even though i told him casinos traumatise me. I spent christmas in a casino. I waa in recovery till i let him back now i havnt eaten slept much to many flashbacks nightmares. I have amnesia so i forget what he did and let him back. I moved out to the country to get away from him but i let him here. I am tired of always having to get back in recovery every time he leaves. I told him he makes me violently ill with extreme ptsd. I wish my amnesia would kick in so i can forget and put the past behind me

 

[Rumors]

Why would you continue to have him in and out of your life when you know what the after effect is? It's not like you are married to him and have 10 kids, although that isn't a reason to keep him around but would explain more than this. I think you need to reflect on why you continue to punish yourself whether it be from not eating or from continuing what seems to be an unhealthy relationship. Therein lies the root of your issues. Do you not feel worthy enough to seek love from someone who would respect you instead of abuse you? Anyway, I hope you can find the answers but until then I think you should make sure you talk with a professional about what is going on.