Dom Violence Healing Your Past

[Nicolette]

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What are your thoughts about this quote?...........

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Very good quote. Easier said then done though.

 

[p-no]

I like the quote, generally. But for me, sticking my hand in and pulling it all out hasn't helped. For me, now, to do it that way seems that I would have to be violent against myself. But I think there are kind ways to stick my hand in and slowly, one by one, take those cores of pain out. Making sure I don't hurt too much in the process, in a healthy way, is important. Also, as said, there are different cores of pain, many, many elements. Some are rooted very deeply and entwined with many other cores of pain. I think I have spent the first at least 15 years of therapy and all to become a better surgeon so that I have been able to "operate" on me in the most effective way since. With a focus on not hurting me more.

 

[Nicolette]

My thoughts are to open the wounds and heal those which affect your present and future..........

 

[Meadowsweet]

Like Prime-no, I have rather violently opened wounds, trying to get rid of that core, without really having the tools to soothe and nurture the person (often the child) that re-experiences that pain.

Like all good advice, it is only good when it is applied at the right time. I was taught a method to write nurturing letters to the 'child' that will invite her to share, when she is ready to do so (or when she feels that it is safe to do so). This is still a work in progress, but it seems to work better than force.

open the wounds and heal those which affect your present and future

This sounds logical, but with awareness of avoidance and denial, it isn't always so simple. People say "I feel this way because they didn't call - won't speak to me about it - don't notice that I've made an effort etc," and the person goes through life believing that it's nothing to do with their own wounds connected to the past, but is always the other person causing these feelings.

It means taking full ownership of ones feelings, and saying "I feel this way because of something in me." But again, there is a fine line between doing that and being able to place boundaries. (that's another discussion)

 

[Nicolette]

the person goes through life believing

True and I'm guilty of that type of thinking at times. I figure that if the people change, the problem continues and the only thing which is constant is me then perhaps I need to look within............ :)

 

[Meadowsweet]

I just added a bit to my last post Nicolette. That is true, but it can take you a place where you stop placing boundaries again because you're so busy looking within, that you forget to move out of the way of the flying fist.

 

[Nicolette]

(that's another discussion)

Maybe one we can have one day Meadowsweet.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I like the quote. Wish I knew how to make it happen. I was thinking ECT might be a good option. The EMDR thing has not been so successful the last two years. After almost ten years of dedicated therapy I am giving up on all the recommended treatments. Maybe if they fry the pain out of my brain with continual seizures I can return to the person I once was? Maybe that can get the core out?

I am tired of going in circles. Barely surviving as a robot and then hanging on to a thread for days. Only to return again to that dark place to crawl out of again. I want to feel joy and sense of being alive again. I want to get up and say I am alive and happy to experience it. I think if anyone had the answers we would not be having a discussion. Unfortunate for all those who have been so deeply injured by another.

 

[Nicolette]

Unfortunate for all those who have been so deeply injured by another.

This is my struggle for as many times as I think I've dug into my wounds and healed them, something occurs which digs deeper and once again I'm the fish out of water struggling to cope let alone think rationally........... Just experienced a whole lot of stress, a husband overloading with PTSD and found myself flat on my face with those wounds being torn open again. I so wish you could just end it all - but once damaged nothing ever returns to what it was. I fear some circumstances with plague me for life. I hope and try for that not to be the case but damn you past, I've made peace with you and now I need you to make peace with me. Saying that I commend myself for the way I handled a difficult situation and I tried everything to act based on the now and not a reaction to the past seeping through. Hope this makes sense as right now I'm numbing my pain with alcohol and I've gone three weeks without doing so but now physically it has impacted and I'm hurting all over.

 

[GG-love]

The quote is great but it's like the deepest heal from the outside in so I have to keep ripping them open and they heal a little more each time but each time gets easier tto get another piece of that core out. Its too big and to many times to just rip it out all at once for me.

 

[SeanCharles]

Greetings to whomever finds and reads this response!

On Jan 3, 2014 I joined this community called myPTSD. That was 2 years ago! I am writing this response on 8/22/2016 (the present). I am writing this not as a form of self promotion, rather, I am writing this because as this thread is titled Healing Your Past I thought I would respond to this thread after doing much needed hard work that I allowed to lapse until a wake up call pulled me on track and through that work I am now continuing to strive to make some serious progress on continuing my journey towards healing my past.

Reflecting back on the last two weeks now, since all the incredible hard work I had started addressing from the beginning has had me opening many old wounds. All this hard work has lead me to a major area to work on. The time has come for me here and now to come to face my worst work which I originally thought was not my significant trauma only now I realize how wrong I was! Several issues I was working through were pointing to a re-occuring theme that I realized is the Domestic Violence that I not only witnessed, I know of a few experiences in which I was the initiator of in various situations which may have been PTSD rearing it's many ugly heads.

Domestic Violence and I are very old and oh so familiar to each other, we're beyond acquaintances and we are in no way friends either. As as a man especially, I realize there is an an extremely difficult, painful, deep oh so deep rooted source to many various problems for myself and others around me that I see occasionally, read about, or otherwise have known about that were forms of this awful term. While I am extremely empathetic to people, especially those who have shared experiences and in ways can share their pain; at times I struggle to wrap my head around one commonality which is usually the sufferer and that sadly is women.

While other times I feel deep sorrow for anyone going through this horrible form of violence. I hope this response I am writing is not off topic here as my focus here is healing my past...

As a child I definitely experienced this in many ugly forms. Whether or not my PTSD originates with my exposure to this or the later traumas I experienced following the years of this in which my biological father was the center of and in ways my mother likely reacted negatively as I identify with several of the forms in other threads on this forum through her treatment of me has me having questions in which I seek answers to. In many ways, maybe therapy would be a valuable option, on the other hand I feel another option is to almost repeat the last peer support situation which was quite a powerful and very healing experience which has since moved me forward to where I am now in this point on my journey of healing my past.