It's sort of a therapy + working all the hours outside of therapy on this stuff, in manageable bits, maybe for quite a while. I've dropped the majorly destructive behaviors one at a time (cutting, alcohol, anorexia...still smoking sometimes and pretty rarely burning myself). I couldn't push this stuff unless it was deadly (like HAD TO quit drinking and had to gain weight when I did....and in those cases swapped for other destructive ways of coping because I just sort of had to, I guess).
I'm working through complex trauma too. In therapy we work on regulation stuff and gaining awareness of my body and being okay with sensations and feelings. It helps to try to do this also on my own. I fail sometimes but growing awareness helps a lot. I've gotten creative with replacing destructive responses to stress with healthier ones like drumming, certain forms of exercise, art, even wrapping my arm with compression tape when urge to cut (not sure how that works, but just noticing the inner feelings and what can calm me and lessen intensity so I can make better choices).
This might not be a common experience, I don't know, but I do not tolerate good feelings well. My therapist is understanding of this. So it's been a gradual process of responding in healthier ways but not focusing too much on feeling "good" or making drastic changes that freak me out. But I do like that I'm learning new ways to deal that feel more creative and still help me feel like I'm in control. You can talk about this stuff with your therapist and pick one or two things to try to work on or just notice a little more, or new things you might try to help cope (exercise, yoga, meditation, music, support groups, nature, etc). It helps me to keep some notes about what helps...how I felt later and the next day...helps too to notice that I can "change" (slowly, gradually) and am not forever trapped in the destructive patterns.
