Hello - I Have PTSD But More Worried About My Friend With PTSD

[Jet]

Thanx for the titles. I will make a trip to the bookstore on payday.

I have always felt like I was just barely "hanging on" and always wondered what it would take to push me completely over the edge (although I now think I have been there a few times and was too stubborn to admit it) and when it would happen.

Sometimes it seems like the most exhausting part of all of it was pretending that everything was ok. Although everyone in my family was/is pretty messed up it was never ok for me to be. I had to be the strong one.

Keeping the mask in place took the most energy because it was so false. For all that the world saw my stength on the inside I was a boiling pot of insecuries and pain. I could not allow myself to heal because to do that would mean that I had to admit that I was weak. And weak is bad. It doesn't survive.

 

[anthony]

Yep, you hit it on the head Jet. You have healed yourself to a point, but the mask still exists to a point also, because until you get down to the emotional level, logical reasoning and so forth of your own trauma, symptoms will still exist and fight against you constantly, regardless how much you talk about all your trauma/s, until you pull them apart and find that reasoning, logic, and understanding the emotional impact, PTSD will still remain quite intact, and control to a point.

Quite honestly, I think the best way for you to help your friend, is to help yourself during your friendship, thus you can use your learning skills to implement upon your friend; as I elude though, not as a fix, but more ensuring he has the information himself and the person to help him see reason to his feelings, why things occur, the emotions involved and how to heal them... and just be doing what your both doing, you will both end up out the other side of PTSD with lesser loose ends.

You personally in that your here on this forum, could come out with no loose ends if discussed here, as we can help you discover yourself further, which means maybe you will do the same with your friend.

The books though.... if a choice comes down too it, get the "I Can't Get Over It" first, the workbook second. At some point though Jet, your friend must standup and be counted, actively making a decision to get better, because a person can only heal so far, which isn't that far in regard to PTSD, without making that active decision backed by will, strength and self determination to fight PTSD. These are inner core abilities required to really push the mind and body past the pain that is going to be surfaced in order to get into the root of the problems.

 

[kimG]

Hi Jet. You might try to see if your local library has copies of the books Anthony mentioned. You could check them out and read them w/o having to actually purchase them. If you like them you could then go out and buy them.

Just a thought!

Good luck!

 

[Jet]

I know. I have spent a long time trying hard not to look at everything (whatever it all is). Always felt like if I looked to closely that it would somehow break me into pieces.

And since it has always been me alone, that prospect was kinda scary. Knew that if I broke there was no one there to even notice. Until recently I have not cried in years (did not when my dad died, I was 10, or when I gave up my girls).

Now I can't seem to stop. But I feel somewhat better afterwards so I am trying not to freak out. I am also writing a lot more lately. Almost like I am not even thinking about it, it's just there. When I re-read my journal nothing in it even sounds like the me I know. Way too much feeling and lots of pain.

As far as my friend goes, well, I honestly do not know. He is strong (aren't we all - to have simply survived this long) but I know he is scared also. He recognizes that he has serious problems and even what most of them are. I do not think that he realizes that his core trauma is the childhood abuse as opposed to his combat experience but that will come.

He has talked about having to kill "kids" and about trying to stop the bleeding of one but being unsuccessful. Says that all he sees is his "round baby face and his fingers in the kids neck wound, trying to stop all the blood"


Still what made me worry was his suicide comment. He jumped on that so quick. My question to several friends at the time was... What would you think if you were talking to someone (who has our type of issues) and when you asked them if they would be ok (as you were getting ready to leave) their immediate response was to say (angrily) what do you think, I am going to commit suicide or something? The answers I got were all the same as mine. Now I do.

 

[Boo-Damphir]

Nice job reflecting on yourself Jet:claps: What do you see as your next step forward?
~Boo

 

[Jet]

Not a damn clue. Ok, I am looking into seeing a counselor. I have the feeling that this is going to get ugly and maybe some additional support would be useful.

Other then that I will continue to do what I am doing until I figure out the next step.

I will continue to work on my spiritual path
I will make myself get up and do things- even and maybe especially if I do not want to ( such as going to the freaking dentist - I HATE THE DENTIST)
I will make it a point to take care of me
I will write and then write some more
I will read books for fun and for information
I will do volunteer work - because it helps me to not focus on me and what is going on in my head every minute of every day and because I believe that we are all responsible for the planet we live on and all her inhabitants.
I will work on talking nice to myself instead of beating myself up over every little thing

I will NOT cut myself
I will NOT consider suicide as a reasonable option -when I re-read my journal after the crying jag on the front stairs the other day something that surprised me was the sentence " I considered killing myself for the first time in a long time. I rejected the idea" I don't remember thinking it and I don't remember writing it (I was really upset and don't honestly remember most of what I wrote as the thoughts and words came kind of quick) but obviously it was there.

 

[anthony]

Jet, all I can say is, well done. You are doing everything right, all positive steps in helping yourself, which means you will be much better to help your friend. I think the counsellor is needed to help you face your fears, and gain that valuable face to face feedback required during sessions.

I have no doubt, that if you keep your positive attitude and outlook, continue learning and educating yourself about all facets in regard to PTSD and its symptoms, you will come through this quite fast, enabling you to better help your friend along the way.

You see, I see it like this... as you learn, and then discuss with your friend with PTSD, he will also learn, thus the two of you will continue to unravel your deeper emotive levels, find solutions and realism to your reasoning, and both become stronger people... enough so hopefully, that during your own education, your friend will get enough from you to finally take the step to help himself more positively than he is currently.

I would love to see your friend here also.... but one is better than none. I really do give you huge credit Jet for your excellent strength and work in wanting to get better, and help your friend who is suffering some what more so. Huge pats on the back for you...

 

[Jet]

Thanx. I am trying. It is an odd thing. In some ways PTSD makes perfect sense to me. When it belongs to someone else.

When I talk to my friend about his issues or the issues of his wife it is all logical. But when it is me all of the emotional crap... the guilt, the self-loathing always gets in the way.

I have patience for others problems but none for my own. I am absolutely terrified of this. But I no longer wish to live this way. I am tired. It is time to sink or swim. So I am choosing to swim.