Sufferer Hello, Just Looking For Answers...

[JimFritzMI]

My name is Jim. Last December 3rd at 9:15 AM the building next to mine exploded as the result of a leaking propane tank in a sealed room. The explosion took out an area the size of city block, and was felt up to 20 miles away. I was only 14 feet from what the investigators believe was the point of ignition. At first I was fine. Other than burying my best friend, Patrick my American Foxhound, and one hell of a beat up body, I was fine. I spent 3 months not moving from my bed or the couch, other than doctor's visits. I was fine, physically I started working at my recovery the minute I was released from the hospital. For those three months the only real issues I had were a slight depression, pain from the injuries, and a nagging desire to return to regular life. This issues really started when I did try returning to my life. I was once an extremely patient man, no more. Now it seems to not take more than something annoying for me to go into full hate, anger, fight for my life mode. It's... It's making returning to the real world nearly impossible. I thought once the broken bones, muscles, and organs healed I'd be fine. It didn't turn out that way. Those have healed. Now I get to wake up to this world where I don't have control of myself anymore. Not in situations involving even the slightest amount of stress. Anyway, that's my story so far. My new therapist feels I'm making progress. He doesn't live here though...

 

[TinkerG]

Hi @JimFritzMI

I am so sorry to hear of your loss but you've come to the best place on the internet for these issues. I am pretty new too and I've found tons of support and help here. I hope you find as much help and support here as I have. Welcome to the forum!

 

[Silver.]

Hi Jim, thank you for sharing your story, that must have been hard to go through and hard to share. I am sorry for the loss of your best friend Patrick. Our pets are our friends and family, I understand. Someone posted once here (and I cannot recall who, I apologize,) but they said: you can break a bone, and it will heal, but it still leaves a scar on the bone. Well I think that's a good way to describe what we go through.
You found a good spot here, great posts with great people. People that have gone through similar situations that are relatable. I hope you can find the help you are seeking here. Take Care

 

[Friday]

Retraining the brain to respond to normal life is a lot like physical therapy, in training the body to respond; painful, long, hard, fraught with frustrations... And worth it.

Welcome to the forums. :)

 

[VikVikViktorious]

Welcome Jim, and sorry for your loss. i wish you success and offer you my support on your road to recovery

 

[Stickler]

Did you get an MRI? And a check by a neurologist?

I was thinking of soldiers coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan.
There are service men and women who have been near an improvised explosive device going off.
These troops may have no visible injury, but have significant brain injury all the same from the explosion.
You...pretty much had an unintentional bomb go off in proximity to yourself.
Prefrontal cortex injury can cause anger problems and impulse control problems.

If you do have traumatic brain injury, consulting with a neuropsychiatric specialist might help.
Nearly dying, being severely injured, losing your furperson...this is trauma.
But you might well have actual brain damage on top of that.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :)

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm
Sorry for the loss of your dog. :hug:

I don't mean to sound callous, but do you have another dog or have you gotten another dog? Animals can be quite healing for those of us with PTSD. My dog isn't a service animal or even an emotional support animal, but she's very in tune with me. I went to the ER last month in extreme pain. The three nights before, my dog slept outside my door at night (which she never does), and was extremely clingy. I wasn't feeling bad in the least before the pain episode so of course I was freaking out inside thinking I was going to die-----based on her very clingy behavior alone. Sorry for my long winded story, but if you don't have a dog now, I hope you seriously consider getting another one. :hug:

 

[JimFritzMI]

Thank you everyone,

To answer some questions, yes I've had MRI, PET, and several other scans, many times now it seems. No damage, though quite different from my scans 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with Bipolar and severe ADHD. No, I don't have another dog. I want one, yes. Dealing with that loss though hasn't made that easy though. After I dug myself out of the rubble, digging him out was the first thing I did once I was upright. He was much more injured than I. I'm not really sure how he was alive in the condition he was in, or how in the hell I wasn't in the same condition. We were sitting next to each other at the time of the explosion. Luckily the first fireman and state trooper on the scene were dog lovers and they brought his remains to my house in a body bag, so I was able to see him laid to rest. I tried to do it myself however popping stitches didn't allow it. Yes, I want another dog, but more than that I want Patrick back. This all still seems so surreal. Considering the damage that was done, no one has been able to explain how it is I'm still physically whole. I just figure the universe didn't think a physical crippling was enough of a challenge. Though honestly as I think of it every night, it would be preferential. This, this damn thing that is wrong with me, it makes no sense to me. I've come to a point where I had to leave the house to keep from harming my girlfriend, because she put a shirt I was trying to take a stain out of into the dryer to early and set the stain. It's a shirt, it was a mistake, and all I could see was a threat that needed to be eliminated. I realize I'm no more or less f*cked than anyone else here, but it is still new. Anyway, thank you all for the kind greetings.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the discussions :hug: I trust this place helps you. It's extremely helpful in light of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and get it. There is a considerable measure of guidance and backing to be found here :) I hope this astounding group helps you as much as it helped me, understanding all the comparable stories, and taking in a ton along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:

 

[cat-lady]

Welcome! You've found a good place for learning more about this stuff. I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for your loss and sending a hug if you expect. I hope you look around both supporters and suffers forums. I would also suggest, your girlfriend getting support, so she can support you when you need it.