Sufferer Hello. very new to all this. nurse & mom with multiple different traumas.

[Deleted member 42783]

I just wanted to make a quick introduction. I'm very new to all this PTSD stuff and have been lurking here for a few months waiting for a good time to dip my toe in. I am a married mother of four, a nurse who currently works with geriatric psych patients (ironic), and apparently I suffer from PTSD. I received the diagnosis this past March after dragging my butt to therapy for the first time. I had been avoiding it for 19 years. I guess there are a few traumas in my past. I won't get into a lot of detail right now. The biggie is a date rape at the age of 21. Later, I was directly involved with the suffering and death of a pediatric patient when I was a new nurse. There are a few medical/surgical traumas (couldn't be anesthetized properly) and then a few months of bullying and sexual assault when I was in middle school. I have a very spotty memory about a lot of this stuff.
I guess I am struggling with this diagnosis. It makes perfect sense but its hard for me to acknowledge because I essentially have a good life and my symptoms are incongruent with that. I can understand that I suffer from depression off and on. I just don't feel like anything that happened to me was "that bad" to have given me life long brain re-wiring. I know its an accurate diagnosis. It just doesn't "feel" like one.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[Joan]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

Thank you Joan and Eve!

 

[Enaila]

PTSD happens to the strongest and smartest of us. It doesn't make us less of a person and in a way can make us stronger better people able to understand others on an even more personal level. This can be especially useful for you as you are in a career working with others as a nurse. I am a professional educator and my PTSD has helped me help many students who have been traumatized. It was hard when I first was diagnosed...there was a period of denial then like the grieving process...anger, depression, more denial, (forgetting one stage), and finally acceptance. It has taken me awhile to realize PTSD is a part of who I am, but is not me. Hope that wasn't too confusing.

Once I quit fighting the diagnosis and agreed to open myself to working through the traumas to heal, life started to make more sense. It does get worse before it gets better though. Hang in there and congratulations on taking the big step to reach out for support!

 

[Deleted member 42783]

Thank you Enaila. I am currently back in school and hoping to get my Masters in forensic nursing. The program starts in the fall. I see a lot of opportunity for relieving the suffering of others who have experienced trauma through that career path. I know that if I had had someone to help me through my trauma way back when, I might not be suffering as much today.

Of course the idea of studying human misery and our legal system over the next couple years might be very triggering for me. One of the reasons I sought therapy was so that he could help me not to bomb out of the program. Fingers crossed.