Hi, I'm new here. I found this website based on a simple google search for a PTSD message board. I'm 23, turning 24 next month, a step mother of 3 boys, 15, 13, and 7. My husband is almost 15 years older than me. Surprisingly it's not a problem at all, we met each other at work and the kind of work we do is a career, not just a job. We both work in the Emergency Room, he's a charge nurse and I'm a tech, studying to become an RN. I am currently expecting my first child-- we find out the gender sometime later this month, hopefully. Our first year anniversary is 3 days after my birthday.
I was diagnosed with PTSD last year, which I was surprised about at first, because after being in therapy for years, no one's brought it up to me before. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 11, when I became a scare to my teachers after writing a poem that was apparently "too deep for your typical middle schooler, even high schooler". My mom pushed medications on me immediately after I was diagnosed. The start of my downward spiral. I am the daughter of a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. She is someone who I honestly do not have care towards, after all the abuse I've been through. She has attempted suicide 7 times, and I had to be there each time, and I've just had enough. My husband doesn't understand how I just want nothing to do with her.
When I was 12, I moved out of my mothers house.. my choice, to move in with my grandparents (her parents). My father has and always will be absent. He's not mature enough to be a father. My grandparents were just as equally abusive as my mother. It was mostly emotional, but on occasion physical. Everyday, I live out of fear, because I don't know how to trust people. Since I am pregnant, I cannot take one of the drugs I took beforehand, Klonopin. It was honestly a lifesaver drug. I was not dependent on it whatsoever, but it took the edge off completely and I am able to see things differently. My husband is not understanding what I go through. They see anger, I feel anxiety and flashbacks, and uncertainty, and disassociation. Last night, my husband was actually kind to me in regards to my episode, and he saw the vulnerability on my face..and I had told him he had hurt my feelings. And he's like "Honestly, how did I hurt you, why would I want to hurt you when I'm trying to help you"..I said "I don't know, why wouldn't you hurt me".
This is my introduction and I hope I can find some relief from this board as I am going through a very hard time, as of right now I'm having a lack of resources. I recently moved and I have not been able to find a counselor that I like or a psychiatrist that takes my insurance.
I was diagnosed with PTSD last year, which I was surprised about at first, because after being in therapy for years, no one's brought it up to me before. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 11, when I became a scare to my teachers after writing a poem that was apparently "too deep for your typical middle schooler, even high schooler". My mom pushed medications on me immediately after I was diagnosed. The start of my downward spiral. I am the daughter of a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. She is someone who I honestly do not have care towards, after all the abuse I've been through. She has attempted suicide 7 times, and I had to be there each time, and I've just had enough. My husband doesn't understand how I just want nothing to do with her.
When I was 12, I moved out of my mothers house.. my choice, to move in with my grandparents (her parents). My father has and always will be absent. He's not mature enough to be a father. My grandparents were just as equally abusive as my mother. It was mostly emotional, but on occasion physical. Everyday, I live out of fear, because I don't know how to trust people. Since I am pregnant, I cannot take one of the drugs I took beforehand, Klonopin. It was honestly a lifesaver drug. I was not dependent on it whatsoever, but it took the edge off completely and I am able to see things differently. My husband is not understanding what I go through. They see anger, I feel anxiety and flashbacks, and uncertainty, and disassociation. Last night, my husband was actually kind to me in regards to my episode, and he saw the vulnerability on my face..and I had told him he had hurt my feelings. And he's like "Honestly, how did I hurt you, why would I want to hurt you when I'm trying to help you"..I said "I don't know, why wouldn't you hurt me".
This is my introduction and I hope I can find some relief from this board as I am going through a very hard time, as of right now I'm having a lack of resources. I recently moved and I have not been able to find a counselor that I like or a psychiatrist that takes my insurance.
