Help! Awkward Situation With My Boss...

[Ellie]

So my line manager and I are off to Iceland for 4 days from tomorrow in order to set up an exchange with our university and a university over there. He has booked us a session in the blue lagoon (geothermal spa) for tomorrow evening, which he asked me first if I wanted to go to, and said it was the only time he could book us in for at such late notice. I know he has been talking about wanting to go visit this place since we first heard we were going to do the exchange, but I'm freaking out and being massively triggered by the fact it just seems a bit weird and awkward that he wanted to book us in for this thing when I'm female and he is male and it will be just the two of us... I feel like I trust him a lot prior to this and we have had good boundaries since I started working for him. He is also married with kids and he is always talking about his wife fondly. He has pictures of her and his kids all over his office... He knows I'm married too... It just feels a weird thing to be doing as its just the two of us.... my husband is not really happy about the idea either... I only agreed to it because I'm really bad at saying no to people to be honest.

Any thoughts on this?! Weird? Not weird? Am I over thinking things?!

 

[Muted]

What is a geothermal spa @Ellie? If it's like a spa place, I think you should trust your gut.

If you don't feel like you can say no to him on even going to a location that makes you feel uncomfortable... do you think you would you be able to deal with any type of unexpected weird situation that would arise?

Regardless if you feel like there are good boundaries and he's married and your married a boss has a natural authority over you and that creates a situation of unequal power from the beginning.

Is it possible that your husband can go with you on this trip?

 

[PTSDfree]

What is a geothermal spa @Ellie? If it's like a spa place, I think you should trust...

Blue Lagoon (geothermal spa) - Wikipedia

@Ellie
How'd it go?

 

[Ellie]

Thanks both of you.

I ended up going but brought my GoPro with me and made a point of having it filming the whole time, telling my boss before hand that my husband was really excited to see the footage ;P

But in the end I was definitely over worrying. He was super excited about seeing the spa and it wasn't weird in the end. He was very boundaried and kept his distance the whole time. We also spent the whole time talking about our families. I think he probably picked up on the fact I was anxious about it and he made it really easy.

Thank goodness!

So our work relationship improved as a result of it actually be cause now for me the trust is definitely there!

 

[Friday]

Missed this when it first came around... So glad you went & it went well for you! :D Clever workaround / kudos on bringing your GoPro. Really great pushing your own boundaries (comfort zone; anxieties, trust testing / trust building, relationships ) whilst maintaining your own boundaries (integrity).:tup:

 

[Freedomfighter]

So my line manager and I are off to Iceland for 4 days from tomorrow in order to set up an exchange with...

Oh hell no, you are not overthinking things.......
All of your warning bells are going off and for good reason...... Teachers have powers over students, they are public trust figures and oh my god, he wants to book both of you into a Spa? Right now all the red flags are waving, the bells are shrieking and the floors are shaking....
Married men are some of the worst predators that you will encounter, they will use your trust to a respective figure such as a teacher or doctor to get close to you.
What he is doing is wrong on so many levels, trust your instinct. I have been attacked by married men who thought they could get away from their horrible wives by chasing after me. I have always resisted their stupid attempts, so they went on to go to prostitutes..... in retrospect I always laugh about such fools, they get themselves stuck in a life with a horrible wife and then migrate to prostitutes to punish their wives, and then they are stuck with horrible wives and desperate prostitutes on top of everything else.

Your teacher is trying to groom you to being a little "pleasure" which he deserves. Ah yeah, you have caught a predator, you have to be sure now that you know what he thinks that you always stay in the clear.

Any trip such as this should never be just two persons, he is trying to find a substitute wive that he can use like a pleasure girl. Sorry to be so direct but these suckers are predators that I love to hone in on because they are the most disgusting animals on this earth.

 

[Socha]

I'm happy for you how your trip turned out, that you went, how you managed it and that your work relationship improved! :tup:
I'll be in a similar situation in August and your post made me worry a little less about it!

 

[Marie Miguel]

Glad to hear your story and how you overcome the situation. You just have to trust the person and trust yourself. That means you are a faithful wife and so your Boss to his wife.

 

[barefoot]

I missed this the first time too but wanted to say well done for finding a way around something challenging - taking your GoPro meant you could push out of your comfort zone in a safe, boundaried way. Glad that it worked out for you and that it has strengthened your relationship with your boss.

It is also a valuable lesson/reminder for us all, I think, that plenty of people have good intentions and are not out to mislead, exploit or harm us in some way. I get why you initially felt uncomfortable about the activity and it's good to see that your boss seems like a nice guy who just wanted to chat with you about family stuff etc - no ulterior motives on his part. Nice people exist - hooray! :-)