Sexual Assault Help. I Don't Know If This Was Or Not And I Need Advice

[McKee]

So I'm not sure how to deal with this, but I found this website so I figured I'd try to get some advice. I'm not sure whether or not what my best guy friend/occasional hook up did to me was sexual assault or not. We were both drunk. He was a thousand times more drunk than I was, he had actually blacked out. So he was puking in a bathroom at a party and I was taking care of him. All of a sudden, he's done puking and like washes out his mouth and leans in and kisses me. And I just think gross and try to get him to stop but he won't. At this point I'm stuck back against a counter and he's like on top of me. He started like touching me and I just continued to try to get him to stop by telling him no and that I didn't want to. But he just shushes me and continues. Then he undoes his pants and pulls them done and moves my hand on to him. I pull away because I don't want to and tell him no. But he just shushes me again and tells me its okay and moves it back. At this point I knew I was in a bad situation and pushed him off of me got up and left him in the bathroom, asking someone else to go take care of him. I told him the next day what happened and he remembered nothing. He apologized over and over again for the first couple days but I don't know if its even possible for me to forgive him. I just feel pressured to. I don't want to tell our friends because I don't want to change their opinion of him over one drunken mistake.
What do I do? And is this even assault? I just feel like I'm so stupid and caused this whole situation.

 

[Lucycat]

Welcome to the forum! He was out of order- you have no reason to feel stupid, drunk or not he is responsible for his behaviour.

I think it might be good to tell some friends. What about next time he gets drunk? Would you not prefer it if somebody was watching out for him and any girl that might go to his aid? You said you asked somebody else to go help him after you legged it. Did he try it on with them too?

I am sorry you went through this. If you are struggling with it maybe you should talk it through with a professional. It is a shame his stupid behaviour has spoiled a friendship, but I suspect you will never be able to trust him again.

 

[open eyes]

No matter how much drinking was involved, you said no & he physically forced you against your will. Alcohol can blur the lines of right & wrong, but from what you said it was definitely a sexual assault. Don't feel stupid- when you first confront a memory it can be difficult to know if it "counted" or not. Give yourself validation, you went through something scary but you made it out.