Relationship Help... I Don't Know What To Do!!!

[Sue6972]

My boyfriend with combat PTSD is isolating again and I am going crazy. It all started because I texted him and reminded him of the time change Sat night and he flipped out and yelled at me (texted) that he didn't need me to give him any more things to do that he had too much going on anyway...I apologized and the silence began. I sent him a "Go Bears" text last night but that is it.

He was at an AA meeting tonight that we both usually go to and he smiled really sweet at me a couple of times across the table but didn't really talk after, which we never do. So I left and went to my car and texted a ":)" That was 2 1/2 hours ago and I have heard nothing....I want to blow up his phone with text and call him but I know he won't answer...I just want to strangle him. I am posting this because I know I need to calm down and remember his issues and what he is dealing with, but I can't talk to any of my friends because they don't understand and I feel like I am going to blow, so I came here hoping to get some advice from you guys to get my mind back on track and more supportive.

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!

 

[Jugsaw]

I'd leave him alone whenever he needs space your bad mood will just be pressure on him ... Let him come to you when he's ready

 

[Sweetpea76]

Go put the phone on the charger and walk away. It sucks majorly, but you have to do it. When they are isolating, they need their space. Every text you send is going to irritate or upset him more.

Can you go rent a movie you've been wanting or watch or something to distract you? Take a long bath, do your toenails, go to bed early... because If you sit and stew over it you are going to make yourself nuts.

 

[Sue6972]

I am trying anything I can to distract...what is sad (maybe it is not) is when I usually feel like this I read posts and info on his PTSD and my frustration and anger dissipates and then I feel sorry for him, but earlier I was just SO frustrated all I wanted to do was bug him, just to get some kind of response!! We all know that is about as smart as poking a hornets net with a sharp stick then crying cuz you got stung!
So instead I came on here and posted....thank you Jugsaw and Sweetpea76. Just your responses make me feel not so alone...I think that is what is so hard is that my friends and family don't understand and I am a girl and I need to talk and vent when I am upset and when I can't I feel so alone! Thanks again :)

 

[keifer]

I'm a guy with PTSD who had, past tense, a girl friend. I needed my time and just needed to know she'd be there for me when I was ready.

 

[Sue6972]

Thanks Keifer...all your comments are really appreciated :)

 

[StrongHeart]

keifer, how long did it take you, on average, to be ready to respond to your girlfriend?

 

[keifer]

I don't remember. I didn't know I had PTSD when I torched my relationship. I know I have cycles of anger/rage followed by crashing into pain and wanting to cry.

Now, I'm good some days. Other days, I can be angry. Today is a good day for me. The two days before this I was just angry and I couldn't tell you why.

I'm sorry I can't give a definite answer. I could go on a date tonight but last night, you'd have not wanted to be around me. I don't even like to be around me when I'm like that.

 

[bell]

Um, just wanted to say that 2.5 hours of no response is, well.... nothing. Try 2.5 days, 2.5 weeks, 2.5 months. Those are more likely, depending on the sufferer. Some things will take me minutes, some hours, some days, some weeks, some months to get over. There is no formula, there is no fail safe, things just happen the way they happen.

As has been said many times on here before, the only thing you can do is live your life for yourself, let them know that you're there for them, and be happy to talk to them when they return.

 

[jbrowning]

I'll weigh in on the other side of a suggestion that depends on how well you know him. Based on the limited information you gave, I fit that description. My stress cup is always full so it's hard when my wife adds additional items for me. She's not trying to add them to my stress cup but that's what I do with them.

I'll then blow up to some degree and my natural tendency is to isolate. To me, love is reinforced by physical touch so the best approach for my wife to help me in these circumstances would be to:

1) Be as close to me physically as possible
2) Attempt to understand my feelings

The thing that would help me the most is a hug and a "you're really feeling overwhelmed right now aren't you"?

I have no idea if this is the right approach for your boyfriend but I wanted to suggest an option that works for me. How do you think he'd react?