Relationship Help! I'm Sinking.

[ManagerWife]

I'm fairly new to this board.

My husband's diagnosis of PTSD and treatment, both therapy and a new cocktail of drugs are recent, like less then a month ago.

His cycles of depression, isolation and rage are nothing new.

Lately he seems to be worse though. Since he started therapy.

Forgetfulness, down right memory loss
Can't focus
Misplacing things
Can't accomplish simple tasks
Plays games on his phone in excess
Hypersensitive
Expressing feelings of low self worth (I'm a loser, you don't want me, I would be better off dead so you can get life insurance money)

Has anyone else experienced these things with their sufferer?

I admit I'm exhausted with him and have pulled away physically (no sex or affection). I have resentment. I'm heartbroken by his rage directed at me.

I am heading to therapy next week. Just curious about if what I'm going through is in anyway like what other supporters have experienced.

I need a life line. I'm sinking.

 

[BlueOrange]

Effective therapy tends to be quite tiring and stressful. The period where you're learning how to be in therapy and haven't fixed anything yet (where he is now) can be extremely difficult.

I'd be really impressed with anyone who manages to make a visible improvement in the first 3-4 sessions. After that, the therapy process should be surprising him less often, and he might start having an ability to understand what's happening.

 

[jill smith]

I'm fairly new to this board.

My husband's diagnosis of PTSD and treatment, both therapy and a new...

Hi, you have described my life as it is right now. I have read a lot about ptsd what you describe and how we both feel is text book but doesnt make it any easier. My resentment, anger and upset has now pushed us into a place I dont know if we will get back from it. I have recently in a heated outburst said awful things I didnt mean it now feels devastating as I realise my partner is in crisis exasserbated by my actions in frustration. Try to realise before it causes damage that your sufferer is going through a massive process and responding normally even though it feels abnormal and so hurtfull to you. I wish I had realised earlier. I just hope in time my partner forgives me because its now she needs me and I let her down.

If you havent already try reading about ptsd there is a wealth of information especially related to starting therapy.

Good luck.

 

[ladee]

Very happy you are seeking help for yourself!. While he is adjusting to therapy and meds you need a place to have your feelings too.
It just sounds stupid to be told not to take it personal when you are the target.
And you are seeking help for YOU..not more lessons on how to deal with him.
I wish for you to feel happy again. To do things you enjoy. To have a life and learn that your feelings are OK.
Sending you energy to take care of yourself .
You reached out..so look at it as tho you three out a life line..and we grabbed ahold.
You are not alone. People here understand.
Gentle hugs for your healing journey.

 

[Newtoptsd]

When my friend went to therapy it was very much a case of ... it gets worse before it gets better.

Therapy makes them talk and face things that they've been avoiding, it brings up memories and feelings and from what I've heard therapy makes a lot of people re-live the trauma several times until they become more desensitized to it. It's a very difficult time for them and yes for you as a supporter. I know this is really hard but during this time I very much see my life as separate from that of my friends, he does him and I do me. Don't get me wrong I struggle with this a lot but it's the only way, because you live with your SO this makes things difficult but just give him time and currently you just do you and don't feel selfish or guilty about it.

I don't know if you may have already done this but I bought a fair few books on PTSD and what they feel/experience and what different types of therapy they have available to them. It really helped me to understand behaviors and also having more knowledge gave me the ability to relax more.

I am also starting therapy for myself, got my first appointment tomorrow so I think it's great you're seeking help for you, chin up :)

 

[ladee]

@jill smith , in a perfect world we are all understanding and have healthy boundries, blah blah blah.
Seems the Survivor Has "reasons" for their behaviors.
Well so do supporters. Your stress cup was overflowing and out it came.
Would you have prefered it was handled differently? I can tell by your post you are beating yourself up.
But you do get "do overs" just as you have given your SO time and again.
Follow in @ManagerWife's footsteps and get some help for yourself!
You do deserve to have your feelings. Didn't happen as you would have liked.
So find someone to talk to just for YOU.
Stop apologizing. They heard you the first time.
A marriage doesn't work with only one working on it nor do they end because only one person made mistakes.
Glad you both are here.

 

[ManagerWife]

Thank you all for the comments... brought tears to my eyes that you understand and know what I'm going through. I've been contemplating divorce. I'm having a very difficult time (I know he is too). I'm a fighter though. I'm looking forward to my own therapy. In the meantime I'm so glad I found this board.

 

[Snowflakes]

@ManagerWife I just got online and read this thread. Yes, everything happening to you now has happened, and is happening with me now.....and I've been on this roller coaster ride for going on 10 years now.

More times than I care to admit, I've wanted to walk away but I don't. My sufferers mental illness is just that, an illness. It is neither better nor worse than a physical illness like cancer. I would not leave my sufferer if she had cancer and I'd also be her caregiver (manager) also.

This is a tough road we are on....for both the sufferer and the one who loves him/her.

I am glad we found each other on this board because now we are not alone. I am grateful for all who help me get to tomorrow. Take care

 

[ladee]

But @ManagerWife , if you do feel walking away is what you have to do..do so with your head up .
Take time to do some healing work.
What is absolutely right for some, is absolutely wrong for others.
Only you can make that choice.
Wishing you healing energy and support whatever you decide is best for you.

 

[grimalkin]

@ManagerWife Yup, almost all of the above. But instead of voicing his feelings of I'd be better off without him, he' just pushing me away. Part of me thinks it's so I can't argue that it's not his decision to make, if he's good enough for me or not; and the other part because he's convinced himself I'm bad, and that I think that he is bad.

Regardless, right now, we aren't good for each other.

But all those symptoms are just that - symptoms. The details may differ (my sufferer is obsessively studying Japanese. Like, from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed. And if he's not doing that, he's playing a farming sim game that lets him zone out), but yup, that's what PTSD does.

And, my sufferer is not actually in therapy.

You are not alone, though, that is for sure. And neither is your sufferer. I just wish there was a way to get them to see that.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I'm fairly new to this board.

My husband's diagnosis of PTSD and treatment, both therapy and a new...

Sounds like you two may benefit from a little breathing room, are you always physically close? Do you have areas you can retreat to? Unfortunately it takes years to get over the worst behaviors with PTSD, not everyone is violent, but I guess some are.

I think once you go to therapy you too will get the help you need. You need the therapy just as much as he does.

 

[ManagerWife]

Well we are married, so yes we are physically close everyday.

He's impossible at keeping track of time, I have to micromanage him every morning or else the kids would be late for school and he'd be late for work. I've tried phases of just letting him go on his own and it always results in chaotic disaster. Just this weekend I let him do the grocery shopping... all the produce he brought home was rotten. He said he thought it was OK. This is a common reoccurance.

If I don't manage everything he does it leads to disaster. He forgets to pick up the kids from school, he over spends money, can't manage time, can't follow instruction at home or at work. He can't pay the bills, or even do our taxes. Can't seem to follow the speed limit, so I always drive. If I don't tell him, he will go days without brushing his own teeth! I sent him on his own to buy himself pants for work, he brought home pants two sizes to small because he didn't try them on in the store... then blew up at me when I pointed out that there was no way he could wear them and had to return them.

I could go on and on. My 7 and 8 year old kids are less work then he is. The kids follow instruction, can manage time and don't blow up at me.

Now to his defense, he is willingly going to weekly therapy sessions and seeing a psychiatrist for meds. He acknowledges his behavior isn't easy to live with and that he wants/needs help.

I'm just really tired. Sad. Stressed. I wake up everyday thinking and even anxious over what chaos will unfold as a result of his actions.

I sometimes feel like I have a handicapped adult son at home rather then a husband.