Help Me Understand The Professional Mentality Of Therapists

[The Albatross]

P.S. I think I'd come back to the key issues for why you are looking for a shrink. The process, given your circumstances yeah... won't be easy or comfortable... but there is a reason you're pursuing and interviewing. Come back to that (the reasons)... k?

 

[joeylittle]

@Bragado Jansing - I just wanted to say that the bulk of your response to me (what your ideal treatment scenario would be) is pretty much my experience of my current therapist.

The only thing I am not grasping is quite what you mean by 'therapeutic relationship'. But, we have a treatment plan, a timeline (in my case it is taking longer than 2 years, but I hope it won't take more than 5), evidenced based therapies, and I have confidence in his expertise.

He's definitely not a unicorn.

Somehow, you aren't getting to the therapists with the right overall philosophy/experience/ethos. I'm not saying that's your fault - I think you aren't coming by recommendations in the most productive way.

I'm happy to help with more on that topic, if you wish.

But truly - they exist. 4 of the 5 therapists I have had altogether conform to your description, and they are in different urban areas.

 

[sun seeker]

Sounds like you want to skip the personal stuff and get right to fixing your issues. Most therapists do not work that way.

It would depend on what the person needs to work on, wouldn't it? Possibly someone with a single-event trauma in adulthood who was reasonably well adjusted before that, would be able to benefit from treatment that bypasses the therapeutic relationship. If someone has issues from abuse and neglect in childhood, though, that relationship is crucial to reworking what was missed.

I think I'm a pretty good case in point. I've worked with several therapists before finding the one I have now (who is a keeper). I remember starting work with one of them, two therapists ago I believe, with the plan of not developing an attachment to the therapist. I would go in and talk about my life and work on problems without going through all the attachment stuff. So I thought.

Now here I am several years later, working with someone who knows how to work on attachment. And work we do. I don't know how long it will take, but I would guess longer than two years. Maybe not, but it does take some time to resolve early/complex trauma.

There's room for some of everything, and I do think continuing to look until you find a good fit is important. Interviewing 20 people does sound like an onerous task, but I think it's a worthwhile one.

 

[Riot]

I haven't heard many stories of helpful therapists, other than, "it was helpful!" I never read any detailed explanations about what quite made it helpful. "It just was!" Like, what does that mean?

In some sense, perhaps not all, catharsis.

 

[joeylittle]

Also, @Bragado Jansing - how familiar are you with the evidence-based therapies for PTSD?

Just from reading your posts - my opinion is that you'd like someone who has a foundational training in/uses modified gestalt techniques, and the concept of re-parenting would possibly be useful in building a sense of self that is not tied to the dysfunctuonal parenting you had...but that you also would like this person to be able to do solid EMDR with you.

So - if what you are doing is going to the psychology today website and narrowing the search by 'trauma focused', then yeah, you will turn up information that is way too general. I remember asking before what you were using specifically to source therapists, but I don't think you answered.

 

[Whyteferret]

It's funny. I used to hear veterans complain about therapists not caring because they take an assessment that is professional- it seems "uncaring." Then they complain because CPT and PE are both evidence based practice and are only 12 weeks. so, "therapists don't care."
Keep professional distancemany you "don't care."

Know what therapeutic rapport is? Connection. Without respectful connection, therapy won't be effective. There's no trust established. You're not a brain with a problem, you're a human being.

You'd be surprised how often a therapist finds out something about you with just rapport building. People will say things in informal settings a bit more freely. You really don't want to take the human out of therapy and make it a boxed approach, one size fits all.

 

[Rumors]

Sorry but I think your expectations of therapy or a therapist aren't healthy. I think we go in to therapy because we need help dealing with aspects of our life. It is apparent that you suffer and need help, however you have your own modality and terms to which you "think" you need to be treated. Sounds like you could/should perhaps treat yourself. I am certainly not saying that of all 20 therapist you have tried that they were all good, however you went in to that "therapeutic relationship" with a concept or ideology that no therapist will fit. Therapy is based on emotional and connective relationships. There isn't just an A, B, C fix. Sorry, certainly not trying to have an argument or make you mad but I seriously think you need to step outside of your own perceptions and take a peek around.... Some people who suffer need longer therapy. It may take longer to handle certain issues. To label therapy after 2 years as detrimental is a broad overstated ideology. Just my opinion... I haven't walked in your shoes but I do hear what you are saying and it comes across as narrow and perhaps unattainable in most modalities of therapy.

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe you have a bad picking mechanism?

Much like the woman who constantly chooses abusive partners.

Rather------to expect all therapists to be excellent is utopian thinking so perhaps your methods for choosing a therapist are bad.

And you did choose to actively stay in a bad therapeutic relationship for two years which is quite telling. I've had bad therapists, but never have I ever wasted so much time on them.

I think you want us to tell you that it's all on them, none on you. Sorry, but I can't do that. It keeps you in perpetual victim mode and takes any/all responsibility off of you for choosing a qualified and competent practitioner.

Yes, we do have a responsibility to find the best people to treat us. Some of my doctors are quite far away because I insist on the best and don't ever settle for less.

20 rotten therapists? Yes, at a point it is indeed on you. I struggled to find a good therapist and it was hard to hear that I was adding to my own difficulties, but it was true.

How are you screening these therapists? What are you looking for in a therapist?

Also, I think you're in a state where you expect someone to save you.

This will not happen.

If you aren't willing to do the initial steps of getting away from toxic people, then therapists can't really do much to help you heal.

A therapist isn't going to do much more than tell a client that getting away from toxicity is in their best interest. Really----they can't. It's not their job to force a client to get to a safe place, and IMHO this would be counterproductive toward the end goal of self empowerment and independence.

Why do you still have toxic family in your life?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

My analysis?... Most are idiots, who have no real conception of what it is like to deal with a mental affliction; only what they have seen in videos and read in textbooks. The best therapists are the ones that have suffered from a MI or some sort of abuse in the past. Or, possibly, have had a close friend or family member that they have seen suffer.

 

[Alistair]

You aren't, and other people haven't. I shouldn't take it so personally when people want to bla...

As a high I. Q. Person myself and a therapist it is a tough road to walk when suffering PTSD as we all are here. If you want to develop a treatment for yourself, as I did, then you are free to, but please don't expect too much from those not as bright as you. They are genuinely doing what they can.

I use EMDR videos and am trying to find a therapist that provides it, but they are rare.

I will say this though; you eventially have to make decisions for yourself. A therapist can't divorce your family, or take on new tools, or find new people and environments that are safer.

I hope you understand

 

[Suzetig]

Now that I'm opening up to people about my childhood and my family, I've been getting responses such as "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE, YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER! PLEASE, PROTECT YOURSELF! IMMEDIATELY!" And they're right about it, as hard as it is to admit and wrap my head around.

Are you getting the hell away from these people? If not, then I'm not sure what difference a therapist telling you to would do.

You seem to want someone with a magic wand, who can guarantee to fix you (within 2 years) who can do that in the absence of a therapeutic relationship and who sees things the way you do. I'm not sure what kind of professional that is, but it's not any kind of therapist I know of.

When you say you want a therapist using evidence based treatments who can give you explanations of exactly what they're doing, and why, and how it's supposed to work, do you know what you're looking for? Is it EMDR? Systems therapy? CBT/DBT? You clearly don't want anything relational so I'd give client centred, psychodynamic and gestalt a miss.

I do wonder if focussing on the intellectual, the evidence base etc is a way of avoiding dealing with the feelings attached to your abuse, or that arise when you're in relationship with someone else? Understand I'm not trying to victim blame, just recognising that you seem to want therapy in the absence of a therapeutic relationship which suggests the relationship in and of itself may be triggering for you.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

As a high I. Q. Person myself and a therapist it is a tough road to walk when suffering PTSD as we all...

EMDR videos?? Can you tell me how to get hold of these as I live in a very rural area of my country and don't have an EMDR therapist near.