Sufferer Help - Still In Love With Abuser

[zero]

I probably deserve all of this for marrying him

This! ! !
Nobody *deserves* to have people be horrible to them. Nobody, eh? :) <3 You don't deserve it. Tha' sounds like maybe you think you should be punished for something? What would that be, eh? <3 Do you think you're a bad person? - ((I've totally thought these things before- about myself)) -- (it's been so long now that I have not) , and I'm telling you, this is incorrect thinking! :)

I doubt you are a Bad Person. I was not. ! I know it sounds incredible! But it's possible to not think this about yourself!! :)

I bet you are a sweet, kind soul. I know these things.

/sat

 

[Friday]

It’s no one faults .. but my own. My own fault and now I’m suffering tremendous consequences for my own actions.

My Trauma history comes from 3 places

- Things I did
- Things I didn’t do
- Things done to me.

That last one? Isn’t the only “real” one. The other ones where the fault ranges from 100%-1% my own are just as problematic, if not more so.

Just because certain common traumas like rape and child abuse are not that person’s fault, and that’s often a big part of working through those traumas for people, doesn’t mean that all traumas are blameless. Nor that PTSD is all about guilt. It’s just a piece of certain kinds of trauma. Learning how and where to draw the line? Mine vs theirs? IS a very useful thing. But it’s not all there is to it. Not by a long shot.

 

[Live2love]

Hey loves! I’m still alive (yay!) I’ve made it this far!! I wanted to update and say thank you very much for all your kind words and they are completely accurate. My therapist ive been seeing this past year told me during our last session(thank God) that she “wishes there was something she could do to magically make things better but there’s not” and would give me a workbook saying she would go over my work but never once has. The psychiatrist at the previous office was a joke and asked me if I was in therapy when the therapist I’ve been seeing the past year was in the same exact office and after a year of going to the same exact office he (the medical doc)was in. The psychiatrist did not even know I saw the therapist which I attended to weekly in the same office after I’ve told him so many times but he just kept forgetting about my situation and the fact that I attended weekly therapy sessions there. It definitely made me feel like he didn’t care and I was just a number. So after a YEAR of weekly therapy sessions I finally switched therapists. My new therapist is amazing and SO much better then the previous & the medication management is better too. I told the previous doc/therapist about how I was having terrible nightmares and they did absolutely nothing about it so I didn’t really think besides “grounding techniques” and the “here and now” and “deep breathing” that there was anything I could do. My new therapist told me a miracle breaker.. there is medication for nightmares!!! I had no idea there was even such a thing & I was having such a hard time coping with PTSD, nightmares, flashbacks & EXTREME panic attacks with apparently the wrong care on multiple levels. I also wanted to share the nightmare medication because I sure wish someone would have told me this a very long time ago!

 

[Mytime]

Glad you found a good therapist ? it can make such a big difference in life. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved, treated with respect and kindness.
I hope your working on self compassion, because you are worthy of it.

 

[Mee]

I hope your medicine change works.

Nightmares are weird aren’t they? Especially the ones not directly trauma related but when you try and work them out you can find weird surrealist interpretation in the mind. I don’t know if this would help but I started journaling mine. Seeing some patterns emerge in them does seem to reduce the repeats.

 

[Deanna]

I'm happy the meds you found, work! That's the main thing!