Help With Dissociation While Driving

[falling_wave]

Hi, I wanted to ask a question about dissociation while driving. This is pretty recent but ongoing and I need help on how to deal with it.

It feels like all the sudden I am losing touch with my body almost as if I am rising up if that makes sense. I get terrified I will not be able to press the break or feel the steering wheel. Especially when I am on overpasses or bridges this happens and there is more anxiety because there is no where to pull over. I have put on my hazards a few times. It usually passes pretty quickly and then I'm fine. I never actually am at risk of losing control. It's just in my head.

It's been the last month maybe like once a year or so before but now several times a week. I am trying to think of what has changed. I'm more socially connected, I'm seeing my therapist less but still have a great connection, I've had some medical procedures Dr appointments, I started a new class. I'm not sure if those have anything to do with anything.

I'm scared with the dissociation coming up. Other than basic grounding which I do how can I help myself with this?

 

[falling_wave]

I am guessing I posted this at the wrong time and it got lost. Does anyone have suggestions or experience?

 

[PTSDbegone]

Have you mentioned your concerns with your doctor and/or therapist?

I haven't driven for years because of my dissociation. When my new doctor asked me if I drive, I replied no, and she said, GOOD (very loudly). If I did drive she said she'd probably have my license taken away. That is due to my high level of dissociation though. Everyone is different.

 

[falling_wave]

@PTSDbegone these symptoms are very new to me which is why I was hoping get feedback here. I'm already getting a workup medically which is nightmare because without my license I will be jobless and homeless so no I haven't told the doctor about my mental health besides stress. My T knows but it's new so I just told her last week and she told me I was dissociating. She went over grounding which I do and said let's watch the symptoms and see what happens with them. I'm sure next session we will discuss it more. I've been actually telling myself outloud I'm on the road I'm passing such and such and I'm safe when I start to feel it snd I force myself to immediately drop what's in my mind. That seems like it's helping some but I want I want to figure out why this would come up now. Really strange.

 

[desiderata310]

I"ve had two accidents in the last year. I don't feel like I should be driving right now. I'll be watching this post.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

I don't drive because I know I wouldn't be safe, pure and simple.

Its not just the dissociation, its the insomnia too. I have extended periods when I'm not even safe to cross the road, let alone be driving a vehicle on it.

 

[Friday]

Driving IS grounding for me, most of the time. I'm constantly evaluating and reevaluating angles, speeds, points of impact... It's relaxing to just let my mind do it when I'm in a good place, and a tool I use when I'm in a bad place. Crank up the music to bone vibrating decibels, throw into gear, and then have to be making constant decisions & adjustments.

I've kicked into combat-driving a few times, though... And that scared me shitless. No matter how big of an asshole someone is being in holiday traffic they don't deserve to die for it. Fortunately I caught myself while the stick was in neutral before I breaked. He'll never know how close he came, I hope. That particular trick will put someone's engine in their lap, or flip them off the side of the road depending on the angles involved. & while he's all tangled metal the kinetic force in neutral will launch me happily down the road.

The police/EMS therapist I saw for a short time liked that I was deliberately putting 4-6 hours a day on the road. He didn't like that I needed that much grounding, but it was a good sign I still could... Even kicking into CD... He was more upset with me when I quit going for a daily cruise or three to stay level.

Which makes me think... Have you considered taking an offensive driving course? It's completely different from standard defensive driving most every 16yo learns. The car becomes a part of you, and you're constantly using a low level hyper-vig to be calculating angles, speed, trajectories, patterns, axels, etc. Offensive Driving Courses are sometimes restricted to certain jobs in some areas, but Stunt Driving Courses use the same principles, it's just a helluva lot more flashy, and if anything more precise. CD is about not dying. SD is about not getting hurt. <grin> It's fun to play with stunt drivers :D Especially a whole pack of them in one place. They just eel out of the way, are practically impossible to hit, even when you're trying your damnedest to. Sigh. I lost rather a lot of money on that particular bet.

 

[Friday]

Its not just the dissociation, its the insomnia too.

That, right there, is when I quit driving. Insomnia is no joke. Even if I'm not hallucinating? My judgement & reaction times would be better if I were drunk. Nope. Huh-uh. Not gonna drive during an insomnia run. Period.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

That, right there, is when I quit driving.

Why I stopped riding motorcycles which was a passion, and sailing. Do not trust me anymore. Old Volvo wagon with the dog. She is very vocal about my driving, no not vocal, eyes boring into me about what a shitty job of gear change I did. Well it is a 30 year old and the shift linkage is getting grumpy. I was very fast on bikes and sailing, never in traffic, but open nowhere twisties, (never a cop in a decreasing radius corner : D. Miss the Ducati rides - she had personality and a great growl. Miss short tacking under full sail in a tight spot so oowws and awwwss.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I got into a kinda terrible accident last winter because I was dissociating. Didn't tell anyone and ate the insurance increase instead - terrified of losing my license more than anything else, as that is my dependence. I try to ground BEFORE I get in the car, and then throughout the driving experience. But I'm not sure I should be driving, frankly. Super scary to suddenly fall into your body half way through your hour long highway drive ....

 

[Stickler]

I have had a long history of this problem, and have a solution I got from a professional trucker.
Start narrating your driving out loud, as in:

" Now I am looking to the RIGHT...I see an intersection, and the guy is actually stopping at the stop sign...I am looking to the left, and those kids are not running out onto the street...I am slowing down for the red light...and it has turned green, foot off the brake..."
....
"There's a bozo TAILGATING ME...let me get the (bleep) over for his important self...Does that teenager in the beater see me over here? Hmm, I don't think so...gee, better not pass the giant bubba truck on the right, his mirrors are higher than my whole freaking car..."
....
" I am checking my mirrors now and GOOD GAWD where did these people learn to freaking drive anyway?" " Here comes that funky interchange and-holy crap dude, thanks for using your ***ing signals...NO, NO, the proper following distance is NOT two inches, man!... Oh my GAWD these people! Hey, I wasn't signaling intent to get over, I was announcing a freaking decision, you don't get to speed up and cut me off! I gotta exit here!"

...The above is the Houston edition. Your results may vary, but you get the idea.
It also works if you must drive tired or upset. Tunes you right in.

 

[falling_wave]

@Stickler thanks so much! I've been doing that the past few days to some extent and it seems to be a lifesaver and getting me back on track a bit. I think it might be better to just do it the whole time. Thank you!