Help

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

I'm kinda having an episode, its been lasting a couple days. It got really bad, I won't say details, but a new all time low for me.

So my husband in my best interests decided to take me to the hospital. My very first time. So I was scared. I get in and there is a nurse who is really nice, gets my story. Than a doctor comes in, she is also really gently and caring they once again confirmed PTSD and said that I didn't need to feel sorry, they want me to feel safe there and to go back if I ever feel like that again.

But... Than as they are about to discharge me. My husband comes in and sits down and tells me that my brother passed away just a little while ago. I went crazy. Calling him a liar and that it's not true!

I am a mess to say the last. I feel like this world is horrible and I feel like peeling off my skin just to get out of here. I can't believe he is dead. I just can't stop crying. I needed somewhere to express myself so I chose here. My family needs me to be strong. But every chance I get I fall to my knees sobbing.

I just don't know what to do with myself. :cry:

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I'm sorry about your brother. My brother committed suicide 4 years ago. You probably need to talk to a crisis worker again, and maybe someone who can nurture you spiritually, if you are a person of faith. Honestly, the hospital is the best place for you to be right now, if you are experiencing another crisis.

 

[Chava]

I'm so sorry. Imagine a real hug from me...lanky arms but I'd hold you and share your sadness for a bit. Hang in there...this is hard!!!

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

My parents demanded I come home because we 'stick' together. The doctor understood and let me go home. But I knew I needed to stay there. However mental illness just doesn't exist in my family's frame of mind so they don't understand. They just expect me to get over the PTSD symptoms I'm having so I can be there for them. But loosing my brother has only made my symptoms worse.

The nurse did give me some meds to help and I took them but they aren't doing anything. I'm a disaster.

Maybe turning here isn't my best option. But it's the weekend and the best alternative is calling a hotline. Which I will probably will tonight when I get time Alone.

I just needed someone to know, I miss him dearly. And I love him beyond this world.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I am sure your brother is at peace. It is very hard to deal with, but it does get better in the future, I promise. Remember these famous words : This Too Shall Pass *hugs*

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you @Whispering_Truth and @Chava. I just needed to tell someone.

You know let it out, that my heart is broken.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

If you feel you need to admit yourself for treatment again, please do so, no matter what family may think. Protect your emotional health at all costs. I know your brother wouldn't want his passing away to destroy you.

 

[Chava]

Helps to express it....keep letting us know how it is going, how you are feeling....deep hurt, I know.......what can contain you this evening? I wish I could offer my softest most amazing blanket to wrap you in and just sit close

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Oh @Chava, I'm literally curled in a ball on the floor sobbing thinking about how nice that amazing soft blanket would feel. Maybe it could take away all of the pain. Thank you.

I'm going to try and take a warm bath if I can get off of the floor. My stomach and head hurts from sobbing so much.

Thank you so much for being there and trying to help. I truly appreciate it. Words can't even express.

 

[Chava]

I need to lay on the floor sometimes. Not sure what it is (literal grounding?). Hope you're feeling okay today.

 

[Friday]

ERs are open during the weekend, hon. They did tell you to come back any time, yah? Even people without PTSD often end up in the ER due to catastrophic or crippling grief.

 

[Deleted member 30850]

I am very sorry for your loss, your family can care for each other; you need to take care of yourself right now.