Help...

[vikingr12]

Remember too that PTSD is passed on generation to generation. The kids are going to have some form of it later in life.
Find a shelter and get them and you to it. Sometimes just the separation might get him to understand. Or sooner or later you will have to call the cops. I hope it's not for something tragic.

The very best of luck. Keep talking to us.

 

[Tim Cake]

Becca -- make your and your kids safety PRIORITY ONE.
Don't worry about what other people will think.
Get safe, stay safe and then begin the healing process!
:whistle: FORWARD, MARCH!:whistle:

 

[Wagon]

Well. We all don't get violent. He can move his ass to a shelter just as easy. Or just have a sit down and lay it on the line. "You find different place to live, I stay here with the kids".

Sounds like he's just a big grump at the moment. I have not seen any mention of violence in this thread. Yeah, I've been there. The whole world sucks and I needed to let everyone know about it and blame it on them. But I was never violent. Just eternally angry.

There are better ways to do this. Shelters suck ass. Especially for kids. And if you are still safe, then there is no reason to go movin the kids around. He needs to do that himself AND He needs to work on himself. He may need some alone time to do that.

Just my .02

 

[Rezdawg]

Remember too that PTSD is passed on generation to generation. The kids are going to have some form of it later in life.

Whats this?? Really??

 

[Rezdawg]

I'm not violent either. But yea effin messed up and angry at everything. I agree if someone has to go he should. My wifes kicked my ass to the curb this week. Dealing with it and getting help. Took me 6 years to pull my head outta my ass(really just starting too). Hopefully he can too.

 

[Raven]

When two partners have PTSD, each person's demons exacerbates the other one's. I'm not saying that it's impossible to make such a relationship work, but it's rough.

You need professional help from a marriage counselor. Perhaps the reason he thinks that therapy is stupid is because he's had a few lousy ones in the past. Trust in your own ability to scope out a good therapist who you think will be helpful, and give him the ultimatum that either he gets his shit together or he could risk losing his family.

Do you have somewhere safe you could stay with the kids for a few days or a week? You may have to leave in order for him to realize how much you mean to him. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

If you fear for your safety or that of your children, get yourself and them the hell out of there.

 

[vikingr12]

Whats this?? Really??

Yes, being around someone who is angry and distant all the time, especially when it's a father or mother, will give the kid generational PTSD. It's not a gene thing although someone may find a gene for it someday.

 

[combatgoldfish]

Yes, being around someone who is angry and distant all the time, especially when it's a father or mother, will give the kid generational PTSD. It's not a gene thing although someone may find a gene for it someday.

Yup, I'm actually reading a book about it now called "Thirty days with my father" it's a daughter writing about her childhood, adulthood, and her fathers struggle with PTSD.

 

[JarHed]

"Thirty days with my father"

I guy in my PTSD group brought it with him yesterday and I'll get it in a week or so. He said it was a great book. Read a little of it yesterday, sure took me back. Her father was a 'Nam vet as well.

 

[tnkg1rl]

Becca,

SO sad how most of our stories with relationships sound so similar there alsways seems to be one person trying and the other can't seem pull their head out for a second. Your story is so similar like I was reading my own, but he doesn't drink it's the meds that make him mean, and the pain, that and he knows he has another surgery on his back (#10), so he sleeps all day sometimes doesn't sleep at all for days, and then on a day he feels good he expects everyone to go do stuff at 8 at night when they need to be winding down and getting ready for bed. He refuses to tell his doctors and they won't listen to me, actually just got off the phone with them, they wonder why the Veteran suicide rate is so damn high they won't listen to the spouse that see's and recognizes these problems and then it's too late, he has told me how unhappy he is with his life and his body how it is. I feel defeated and it's not helping my mental health either. Basically, you can't make him get help, he has got to do it and admit he has problems, it's hard when we can say well wtf I did it, why can't they. He has his own reasons, and some people are scared to admit because they are afraid of what that makes them look like in others' eyes. I hope it gets better for you, take care of yourself and your babies.

 

[Rezdawg]

Shitty deal....

 

[sol1107]

My wife still sees me as a monster, as do most people who have only known me fore the past few years. It hurts when I see the look of fear and pity in their eyes, but it gives me strength to better myself and make amends. There really is nothing you can do if he doesn't want help, but if he is as important to you as I think, keep yourself close, but out of arm's reach, for the day he does come around. He'll need someone. Everyone.